Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )

[joeactor]

A photon checks into a hotel. "Any luggage?" asks the receptionist. "No," replies the photon "I'm travelling light".

Ok, if we're going there...

Never trust atoms. They make up everything.

[Siz]

A seal walks into a club.

[Siz]

Three pieces of string walk into a bar. String one orders a beer. The barman asks to see some ID so the string produces his drivers license, collects his beer and goes to sit down. The second string orders a beer. The barman asks to see some ID so he produces it, collects his beer and takes a seat next to the first. The third string orders a beer and the barman asks "you got any ID, fella?". "No", says the third string, "I'm a frayed knot".

[Biggus Dickus]

LAST FOUR USERS BANNED FOR THEIR POSTS

[OldGit]

A man calls 999 and says: "I think my wife is dead."
The operator says: "How do you know?"
He says: "The sex is about the same, but the ironing is piling up!"

[Siz]

I used to be a necrophiliac until some rotten c**t split on me.

[Guardian85]

A cloud of helium drifts into a bar. "We don't serve any noble gases in this bar" says the brtender.
The helium doesn't react.

[OldGit]

I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature.
She said she would like to come back as a cow.
I said: "You obviously haven't been listening."

[Icarus]

Such a closing remark would be hazardous to your health OG.   

[Biggus Dickus]

[Siz]

The fact that there's a Highway to Hell and only a Stairway to Heaven says a lot about anticipated traffic numbers.

[Tank]

[Tank]

See what happens when you don't wash a beard properly!

[Tank]

[Tank]

I was almost too lazy to post this.