Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )

[Tank]

What do you call a handcuffed man?

Trustworthy.

Then what do you call a handcuffed man who also happens to be an experienced liar?

A married man, at a Holiday Inn.

LOL!!!

[Asmodean]

Nice comeback.

[Magdalena]

All of us learn from you Asmo.

[OldGit]

Two young blokes were talking in a bar.  One was moaning, "I wish my girlfriend didn't want so much sex.  She never stops, day or night and I'm hollow-eyed for lack of sleep."

An old bloke who was listening in said, "Simple - just marry her.  That'll put a stop to all that nonsense."

[Magdalena]

^^^
 

[Biggus Dickus]

Paddy Fitzgerald had worked in a timber yard for five years and all that time he'd been stealing the wood and selling it. At last his conscience began to bother him and he went to confession to repent.

He told the priest. "Father, it's five years since my last confession, and I've been stealing wood from the timber yard all that time."

"I understand my son," says the priest. "Can you make a Novena?"

Fitzgerald said, "Father, if you have the plans, I've got the timber!"

[Dobermonster]

[Tank]

[Essie Mae]

I can always rely in HAFfers when I need a good laugh.

[Biggus Dickus]

Staying with the animal theme.

[Magdalena]

[Icarus]

^ ??? People over 60 never use those devices of the devil.

[Guardian85]

A doctor walked into a bank. Preparing to endorse a check, he pulled a rectal thermometer out of his shirt pocket and tried to 'write' with it. Realizing his mistake, he looked at the thermometer with annoyance and said, "Well that's great, just great... some asshole's got my pen."

[Tank]

[Icarus]

^^