Why Do Nice Guys Always Get Screwed Over?

[Shy]

None, he does not care to spend time typing and reading to/from people. Only interest are baseball and porn. He knows why I get pissed at him, and I know why he gets pissed at me. We sure don't keep it to ourselves, sugar coating, playing roles of a perfect marriage that may not even exist. If circumstances were different we might not of even choose to be with each other, and yes him and I agree on that fact, but we do care deeply about one another and comfortable in the life we have together. And after 11 years of marriage and 13 of being together I have earned the right to say, my husband is an asshole that pisses me off sometimes.

BUT...I was mainly trying to tell the person who started the thread about the good guy, bad guy from a female stand point and using my own situation as an example without boring everyone with the details. Could have left the last sentence out, but in my buzzed state of mind, it seemed like a good idea at the time. *D'OH*

Oh, it wasn't my intent to be critical. That sentence just sounded a bit like a marital death sigh, but now that you've explained the situation it has given me some idea of your context. I just thought the prospect of a husband and wife venting on two different forums on the same internet was sort of an interesting idea, lol.

A husband and wife venting on two different forums, and being consoled on those forums, but then it happens to be the same forum and they are consoling each other!

Wow, think I just had an idea for a movie. Chick Flick of course.

[Tank]

It's the only way not to become a homicidal maniac. 

Seriously though, it's been awhile since I've been on any internet forums. Have only used the internet for college the past couple years, so a reminder to self of how things come out without a tone a voice, body language, etc.

Got my first foot in mouth over with pretty quickly. The second is creeping around here like a ninja. 

Ah! Foot in mouth syndrome! I know it all too well 
As you say the lack of peripheral communication on forums is the real downside to the medium.

[Godless]

Gonna bump this thread so I can do an update. The girl that said she wasn't interested in a relationship lives with two of my good guy friends this year and I hang out with them a lot so I see her about every week. People tell me I shouldn't be too hung over one girl, but it's so tempting since I see her kind of often. I sometimes go to parties with her and whenever she dresses up to go out she just looks so sexy. It's really hard for me not to think about this a lot and it's starting to bother me more. I have no idea what to do right now.

[DeterminedJuliet]

If you keep seeing her at mutual parties, that's a pretty good opportunity to talk to her. I don't think you need to do anything extreme, just try and get to know her. See if she seems interested.

I also agree with the "don't become a prick" argument. I was one of those women who thought jerks were "interesting" for a time, but, for most of us, the fascination is short-lived.

When I met my husband he was heavy into Pokemon (still is) and had Transformers posters all over his walls. Quiet, geeky, nice guys find women, too

[Godless]

Well I do talk to her a little when I'm over at their apartment. Whenever I'm at parties with her I don't want her to feel like I'm just following her around so I just go do my own thing sometimes. I did try to hang out with her this past summer, but whenever I texted her to do something she always seemed to have an excuse. I don't know if she was just making things up just to not go or if she was actually that busy. I'm not sure if I should keep trying to get her to hang out. I know she loves snowboarding and I was thinking about trying to get her to go with me. However, I don't know if I want to spend hundreds of dollars on snowboarding gear just to try to hang out with her.

[Whitney]

I think you should just be direct and tell her that you think you have a small (you can understate it) crush on her and that it would be a privaledge to take her to dinner (or whatever activity you want) to get to know each other better.  If she says no then there are more fish in the sea; you don't want to keep silently chasing after a girl that might not be interested.

[Godless]

If I do that and she says no then it's gonna be awkward whenever I'm at my friends' apartment and she's there. I did take her out to lunch back in March, which was when she said she wasn't interested in a relationship.

[SuperiorEd]

I'll be honest, the dating scene hasn't been going very well for me. Senior year in high school, I asked out the girl I really liked to prom and I wanted to continue seeing her over the summer but after graduation she completely stopped talking to me. Freshman year of college, I tried to hang out/get to know this girl that I sat next to in Resources Geology. I got her number but she didn't seem interested in doing anything. A little later, I found that I kinda liked one of my female friends and I wanted to go out with her but I got friend zoned so hard especially since she told me in a text "You're like the brother I never had!". And a few days ago, I asked this girl out to lunch who I know through one of my friends, but she said she wasn't interested in a relationship (in a text) but I still got lunch with her (which did go well) so that probably won't go anywhere. Is it just me or are many girls not interested in "nice guys" like me? What am I to do? Become a selfish asshole?

For me, it only seems this way.  Suffering always leads to reward.  I can demonstrate this.  If a person smokes, they get cancer.  This is taking reward first and creating a debt.  The debt is paid by the result.  If a person works toward an education by suffering the time and output of the mind, reward follows.  Nice guys are normally the ones working toward the reward, while the not so nice guys are stealing the reward that eventually ends in suffering.  Hold your head up.  Nice guys are the ones who get the reward in the end.  POST 5

[Whitney]

If I do that and she says no then it's gonna be awkward whenever I'm at my friends' apartment and she's there. I did take her out to lunch back in March, which was when she said she wasn't interested in a relationship.

Then you either need to risk it being awkward or give up on her for now.  Personally I'd risk the awkwardness if I liked someone that much.  It's not like you were dating one of the roomates then realized you'd rather be dating one of the other roommates (and even that situation can be taken on without awkwardness if everyone is mature...I've done it; how I started seeing my husband).

[DeterminedJuliet]

I dated one of my best friends for over a year - we had a lot of other mutual friends, so it definitely could have been awkward when it ended, but it wasn't.

I agree with Whitney, I think you just have to go for it. At least then, you'll know

[Godless]

Alright well I'm gonna do it then. I just need to figure out specifically what to say and I also need to find the perfect time. Wish me luck!

[DeterminedJuliet]

Alright well I'm gonna do it then. I just need to figure out specifically what to say and I also need to find the perfect time. Wish me luck!

Good luck! 

[Godless]

Do you guys think I should just say "I like you" or should I phrase it differently?

[DeterminedJuliet]

Do you guys think I should just say "I like you" or should I phrase it differently?

I'd probably word it more in the terms of "I have a bit of a crush on you". With the "I like you", you could run the risk of her misunderstanding exactly what you mean by "like" (Unless you want to do a lot of winking and finger quotes, but that might not be as smooth.)

[Tank]

Do you guys think I should just say "I like you" or should I phrase it differently?

I'd probably word it more in the terms of "I have a bit of a crush on you". With the "I like you", you could run the risk of her misunderstanding exactly what you mean by "like" (Unless you want to do a lot of winking and finger quotes, but that might not be as smooth.)

Top notch advice. 'Like' is ambiguios and for all you know she's going through the same feelings towards you as you are to her and 'like' could be taken as putting her in the dreaded 'friend zone'! You need to be honest, but not pushy, lay your cards on the table and if she is interested she'll pick them up. Also don't be put off with an initial 'I'm not interested.' as that can be an initial defence reaction to a surprise. You can always raise the subject later if her behaviour gives the lie to what she has said.