Anyone here have a theist significant other?

[sleep_in_on_sunday]

I have a gf that I really like....ok love.  She doesn't go to church, or talk about her beliefs often....but I think it's out of respect for my beliefs.

I remember when I told her I was vegan, and that if we were to ever have a child, I would be unacceptable to raise my kid in a meat eating environment. She seemed opposed to it, but I'm really not flexible.  Luckily, she eventually came around and became vegan herself. I would like to note that it was never my intention to convert her into a vegan, but when she did, I became open to pursuing this relationship on a more serious level.

We have talked about marriage, and she is set on having a wedding in a church with her family's pastor. But I am afraid this will lead to more... This is another area I am not flexible. I would humor her and her family with the wedding, but I don't want to go any further than that.

I know what you're thinking.... "quit being a pussy and talk to her about it".  I will. But it would be nice to hear if any of you have had a similar situation, or any advice on approaching this would be helpful.

Thanks.

[Tank]

Sorry no help here. Wife is woo free and always has been. Although she stills buys Crystals and the like  

[sleep_in_on_sunday]

Sorry no help here. Wife is woo free and always has been. Although she stills buys Crystals and the like  

Good for you....must be nice.

I will say, my gf has a phd and is no dummy.....but it still amazes me that she still considers herself christian.  

No crystals here.

[Tank]

Well after 30 years of marriage there are times when one wishes for a bit of friction. There isn't a lot to go from after 'Do you agree?', 'Yes.'    As long as atheism/theism doesn't become a 'hot button' issue between you then I don't think it's going to be a serious issue.

The ONLY question you need to ask yourself is this 'Do I ever want there to be a time when this person is not part of my life?' if the answer is no you're ok, if the answer is yes or maybe then you already have a serious problem, because a lifetime commitment is a 100% commitment to the other person. It has nothing to do with you but all about her, if you are not prepared to commit utterly to the welfare and well being of your significant other you will truly miss out on the best possible relationship with another human being.

If you're worried about her theism is that simply a symptom of your own possible doubts about your ability to commit to the ultimate relationship, are you just using her theism as an excuse?

That got rather heavy! Just typing what came into my head.

[karadan]

I almost did. She was lovely in every sense of the word. Jesus (and her mum) got in the way though.  

She posted photos of her recent holiday on facebook last week. I'm happy to see she now has a boyfriend (must be a christian as her mum seems to have approved it). The funny thing is, in almost every one of the holiday snaps of them together, you can see the demonic mum hovering in the background.

I think i dodged a bullet.

[curiosityandthecat]

The wife's a nontheist, but she doesn't like to call herself an atheist because she's Chinese. In her view the idea of being a theist was never really on the table, so to be "a-theist" doesn't make much sense to her. She's glad I'm an atheist, though, to be honest. She sees how a lot of theists (conservative theists, mostly) act in this country and can't imagine having to deal with that. So, not much help there.

Dated a Catholic for a long time but, like most Catholics I know, she was really only Catholic on holidays and when families came around. Again, not much help.

Good luck!  

[wildfire_emissary]

The wife's a catholic. She's quite surprised that I advocate feminism more than her.

[wildfire_emissary]

The wife's a catholic. She's quite surprised that my advocacy for feminism is more than hers.

[NaturaLCalamity]

My girlfriend of 3 years is a Christian, but it doesn't really bother me. She hates going to church, and hates it when her parents talk to her about any religious-moral based deeds to do in life. I've talked a lot about why I'm a non-believer and she mostly agrees with me. Heck, she's probably a non-believer herself, although she won't admit it. We've talked about marriage before, and I honestly do think she's the one. I plan on marrying her, and really don't care if it's in a church. If her parents want it, then that's fine. I'll still have to have my traditional Chinese wedding though. Chinese weddings are SOOOO much more fun and entertaining than a boring church wedding.

[curiosityandthecat]

Chinese weddings are SOOOO much more fun and entertaining than a boring church wedding.

Amen to that. Red envelopes whaaaaaaaaaaaaat!

[Martin TK]

My wife was an atheist before I was, but we were both atheists when we met, so that's cool.  My first wife's father was a Baptist minister, which was awkward, but we managed.

The only thing I see as a problem with your relationship is that you seem to be inflexible, I'd be careful there, but that's just my opinion.  I find that absolutes are a real killer where relationships are concerned, it's a sure fire way to cause strife.  Just my opinion.

[sleep_in_on_sunday]

My wife was an atheist before I was, but we were both atheists when we met, so that's cool.  My first wife's father was a Baptist minister, which was awkward, but we managed.

The only thing I see as a problem with your relationship is that you seem to be inflexible, I'd be careful there, but that's just my opinion.  I find that absolutes are a real killer where relationships are concerned, it's a sure fire way to cause strife.  Just my opinion.

There are two things that I am inflexible about.... my veganism and atheism.  Other than that, I am a very open minded dude. I f'n went to twilight with her the other day. .

[philosoraptor]

I don't think there is an inherent problem with relationships where the people have different religious or political views, etc... so long as both parties are respectful to the other.  And, as Tank said, there isn't really anywhere to go after "I agree".

I have to say, I find this whole notion of inflexibility very contrary to the idea of love.  Love is supposed to be unconditional.  Asking someone to completely change their lifestyle seems unreasonable to me.  You either love someone, or you don't.  Telling someone you can only be with them if they're a vegan or an atheist seems ridiculous if everything else about them is pleasing to you.  I also find the idea of forcing veganism on kids kind of scary-how is that any different than a parent who forces religion on a child without allowing them to explore other options?  It's fine not to have faith in God, but I think it's necessary to have at least a little faith in other people by allowing them the freedom to think for themselves and make their own decisions without piling on conditions to your acceptance of them.

[sleep_in_on_sunday]

I don't think there is an inherent problem with relationships where the people have different religious or political views, etc... so long as both parties are respectful to the other.  And, as Tank said, there isn't really anywhere to go after "I agree".

I have to say, I find this whole notion of inflexibility very contrary to the idea of love.  Love is supposed to be unconditional.  Asking someone to completely change their lifestyle seems unreasonable to me.  You either love someone, or you don't.  Telling someone you can only be with them if they're a vegan or an atheist seems ridiculous if everything else about them is pleasing to you.  I also find the idea of forcing veganism on kids kind of scary-how is that any different than a parent who forces religion on a child without allowing them to explore other options?  It's fine not to have faith in God, but I think it's necessary to have at least a little faith in other people by allowing them the freedom to think for themselves and make their own decisions without piling on conditions to your acceptance of them.

I'm not sure if you read my original post that carefully. I never asked her to become vegan. She became vegan on her own. In fact when we first started dating, she wasn't eating much meat to begin with.  As with being an atheist, I realize I am the minority on this issue and respect others beliefs...Being vegan or atheist isn't a prerequisite for me to date someone, but in order for me to take the relationship to another level.....it is a must.

And honestly, you shouldn't criticize my beliefs about raising my children vegan. There is nothing similar to forcing religion on kids.  I believe in the ethical treatment of animals, and detest the conditions they raise these creatures in, and all of the hormones they inject into them.  When they are old enough to make an informed decision, then I will respect that.

But thanks for your input....I guess

[karadan]

In the risk of mild thread derailment, here's my two-cents..

I'd never get serious with someone who felt their absolutism should be implanted on any children we might have. I'd have no problem dating a vegan or muslim or hells angel just as long as their lifestyle didn't directly conflict with my lifestyle. I'm pretty easy going so as long as any potential date isn't so radical that 99% of their time is spent on veganism/animal welfare/feminism, etc, then I'm sure there'd be plenty of other stuff we'd be able to connect with. If they told me I'd have to become vegetarian for the relationship to continue, then I'd end it right there. I'd never think of telling them to start playing lots of computer games, for instance.

If we were to have kids, I'd hope my partner would be able to let our offspring choose how they want to lead their lives. If the child wanted to become a vegan because he/she didn't like the idea of animals being killed in slaughter houses, then I'd be happy with that. It would also be up to me to inform the child that we need to eat meat or at least, dairy products as children to get the best possible nutritional spectrum. I'd also let them know that not all meat comes from nasty slaughter houses and that many places provide meat from humane sources. After all, we are all omnivores.