Why Do Nice Guys Always Get Screwed Over?

[JoeBobSmith]

 

[YaarghMatey487]

I have to disagree with Joe and Jackel. I realize that you're speaking in generalizations... and that in general I'm sure those things are mostly true. As a woman I will address each claim starting with funny...
1. funny- for me, funny is the most important desired trait listed. I'm a little too serious and introverted by nature so I appreciate someone who can make me laugh. I don't think that douchebaggery is okay, but being funny (to me any way) is linked to that whole confidence thing.
2. have the looks- while a physical attraction is very important I definitely don't use that as a determining factor for pursuing someone in a romantic way. This is partly because men who are "super hot" tend to be assholes. I realize that (sadly) most women are attracted to assholes. I'm not. I think that a lot of it has to do with the fact that I link "the looks" with douchebag frat guys (a generalization on my part but hey, we all have our faults).
3. have the money- I don't think any one is okay with dating a street urchin, but (and maybe I'm insane) "money can't buy me love." Now there is a huge difference between financial stability and "having money." I think that has more to do with a representation of someone's ability to act like an adult. Granted, we're in the middle of a pretty epic recession so I'm sure that financial stability is becoming more and more of a difficult thing to maintain. I don't think that most guys want a girl who is broke either (unless they're looking for someone to stay at home). I could go on about this one.
4. have a big penis- just speaking from personal experience... size does not always equal skill.

[YaarghMatey487]

I have to disagree with Joe and Jackel. I realize that you're speaking in generalizations... and that in general I'm sure those things are mostly true. As a woman I will address each claim starting with funny...
1. funny- for me, funny is the most important desired trait listed. I'm a little too serious and introverted by nature so I appreciate someone who can make me laugh. I don't think that douchebaggery is okay, but being funny (to me any way) is linked to that whole confidence thing.
2. have the looks- while a physical attraction is very important I definitely don't use that as a determining factor for pursuing someone in a romantic way. This is partly because men who are "super hot" tend to be assholes. I realize that (sadly) most women are attracted to assholes. I'm not. I think that a lot of it has to do with the fact that I link "the looks" with douchebag frat guys (a generalization on my part but hey, we all have our faults).
3. have the money- I don't think any one is okay with dating a street urchin, but (and maybe I'm insane) "money can't buy me love." Now there is a huge difference between financial stability and "having money." I think that has more to do with a representation of someone's ability to act like an adult. Granted, we're in the middle of a pretty epic recession so I'm sure that financial stability is becoming more and more of a difficult thing to maintain. I don't think that most guys want a girl who is broke either (unless they're looking for someone to stay at home). I could go on about this one.
4. have a big penis- just speaking from personal experience... size does not always equal skill.

[februarystars]

I have to disagree with Joe and Jackel. I realize that you're speaking in generalizations... and that in general I'm sure those things are mostly true. As a woman I will address each claim starting with funny...
1. funny- for me, funny is the most important desired trait listed. I'm a little too serious and introverted by nature so I appreciate someone who can make me laugh. I don't think that douchebaggery is okay, but being funny (to me any way) is linked to that whole confidence thing.
2. have the looks- while a physical attraction is very important I definitely don't use that as a determining factor for pursuing someone in a romantic way. This is partly because men who are "super hot" tend to be assholes. I realize that (sadly) most women are attracted to assholes. I'm not. I think that a lot of it has to do with the fact that I link "the looks" with douchebag frat guys (a generalization on my part but hey, we all have our faults).
3. have the money- I don't think any one is okay with dating a street urchin, but (and maybe I'm insane) "money can't buy me love." Now there is a huge difference between financial stability and "having money." I think that has more to do with a representation of someone's ability to act like an adult. Granted, we're in the middle of a pretty epic recession so I'm sure that financial stability is becoming more and more of a difficult thing to maintain. I don't think that most guys want a girl who is broke either (unless they're looking for someone to stay at home). I could go on about this one.
4. have a big penis- just speaking from personal experience... size does not always equal skill.

100% agree with this post.

[JoeBobSmith]

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[YaarghMatey487]

Lol Joe. Keep in mind I'm using myself as an example...maybe not the best point of reference? In all seriousness though, one of the best boyfriends I ever had was not that much of a looker. He was intelligent, articulate, funny, cultured and wowza in the bedroom though. *shrug* I realize that most people (in general) depend on looks. Having grown up as a shy awkward nerdy kid I can't help but try to dig a little deeper.

[fester30]

I hear women all the time talking about how the most important thing is sense of humor.  I did stand-up a couple times in college, and I was good enough to make everybody laugh.  There were always a couple of tables of single women in the place on a night out.  Not one did I get hit on or was I successful asking for a date after the show ;P

[TheJackel]

Lol Joe. Keep in mind I'm using myself as an example...maybe not the best point of reference? In all seriousness though, one of the best boyfriends I ever had was not that much of a looker. He was intelligent, articulate, funny, cultured and wowza in the bedroom though. *shrug* I realize that most people (in general) depend on looks. Having grown up as a shy awkward nerdy kid I can't help but try to dig a little deeper.

Those are still points of conditional attraction.. They have to meet what-ever it is that you will find attractive. It's just the simple nature of it. Love is like a logical fallacy, and all it really is, is two mates mutually attracted. It's not like a mothers love for their child..Though in some rare cases it can grow into something that bonding.. Both have had to meet each others expectations at least on a level above the lowest acceptable level. I think most guys become assholes after they figure that all out.. Women typically want a man that poses a challenge.. And you also speak in past tense of this gentleman.. It shows why the human species is not a monogamous species ..

[Melmoth]

@Godless, and without meaning to sound unkind, you're not getting screwed over. That would suggest you're owed something, when you're not.

Also, women don't mostly favour arseholes. You're blaming them for your problems. In reality, if your being nice has an ulterior motive - ie. making them feel indebted to you - then they're going to see through that very easily. In such a case, you're probably coming across as imposing and slightly creepy more than "nice." Just a possibility that you might want to consider.

And by the way...

If you are funny, have the looks, have the money, and have a big penis... You are golden to have women all over you like white on rice.. Have none of those, and you are surely to be a social outcast. Those are the fundamental things women first look for. Regardless, it isn't love, it purely 100% conditional attraction at first, and love might sneak in later if you are lucky.. People don't date other people without first prejudging them..If you pass the judging process and continue to meet those expectations that must be filled, you will do just fine. lol

Still    Women tend to find attractive people attractive -> attractive people are assholes -> women tend to find assholes attractive. I'm not really sure about this.

[fester30]

I had a coworker who was overweight.  He used to get upset because beautiful model-looking women wouldn't give him the time of day or date him.  He called them shallow bitches.  One day, I got tired of hearing his complaining, so I told him that perhaps he's the one who is being shallow.  He couldn't believe I called him shallow.  I asked him how many fat or even plain looking women he had dated or even asked on a date in the last year.  He said one or two.  I pointed out he had asked out or attempted to flirt with dozens of good looking women during that time.  He mentioned that at least he tried dating one or two ugly women.  I told him that was like a John Gibson (Fox radio) saying he's not a racist and for proof pointing out he's got a couple black friends.  That just doesn't hold water, especially since he called them ugly women.  I told him that maybe before he judges these beautiful women as being shallow because they won't date him, perhaps he should look in the mirror and realize he wouldn't date a woman that had the same body type as he did.  He either needs to lose weight or lower his standards.

I'm not saying the originator of this post is ugly.  What I am saying is that whoever in this thread is labeling all the good-looking athlete types  "assholes" perhaps should take a step back and realize they can't all be.  I used to get suckered by the sob story of the female that seems to have the bad luck of dating nothing but assholes.  Then I married a woman who fed me that sob story to say she just had bad luck in finding husbands... 5 of them.  We're divorced now.  She's working on divorce number 7 already, and I'm happily married to wife number 2.  Sometimes it's not the guys that are the assholes, but instead it's the woman telling you the one-sided story of how the relationship went bad.

[Tank]

It's my 31st wedding anniversary today, so I must be doing something right  

[YaarghMatey487]

@fester- I 100% agree with you. I admit to my own personal hang ups assuming that alpha males are all assholes. I already admitted that I was making a generalization about a generalization (like so many other people have been doing about women). I still argue that "attractive" and "attraction" are not synonymous. I think that people add way too much extra baggage to relationships. We're conditioned to think that a relationship means x+y+z= and that is definitely not always the case. In the end, I think it's important that people do what's right for them. Poo on societal conditioning. What I'm trying to get at (and am obviously failing to communicate) is that not everyone uses the alpha male is a stereotype for a happy relationship.

[Whitney]

I hear women all the time talking about how the most important thing is sense of humor.  I did stand-up a couple times in college, and I was good enough to make everybody laugh.  There were always a couple of tables of single women in the place on a night out.  Not one did I get hit on or was I successful asking for a date after the show ;P

I don't think a great sense of humor is important...just don't care for stick in the mud types.  

I have never seen a comedian and thought "wow, that guy is so funny...how hot is that!"

[The Magic Pudding]

It's my 31st wedding anniversary today, so I must be doing something right    

[Tank]

It's my 31st wedding anniversary today, so I must be doing something right    

Cheers mate