Does God have nipples?

[Gawen]

Admit it! Every one of you have lain awake night after night pondering this question.

God is always referred to by the top 3 as "he", "him," and "Lord" - never as "she", "her" or Lordette...or even "it." But He created Adam in his own image, and Adam was a man like any other so...nipples? Nipples have no real purpose on a man, and if god is a man, his nipples serve no purpose, so why does god have nipples?

What is the purpose of God's nipples? Ahhh....but I have found out that God indeed has nipples and what they were used for, in at least one instance. Behold:

The Odes of Solomon
Ode 19
1. A cup of milk was offered to me, and I drank it in the sweetness of the Lord's kindness.
2. The Son is the cup, and the Father is He who was milked; and the Holy Spirit is She who milked Him;
3. Because His breasts were full, and it was undesirable that His milk should be ineffectually released.
4. The Holy Spirit opened Her bosom, and mixed the milk of the two breasts of the Father.
5. Then She gave the mixture to the generation without their knowing, and those who have received it are in the perfection of the right hand.
6. The womb of the Virgin took it, and she received conception and gave birth.
7. So the Virgin became a mother with great mercies.
8. And she labored and bore the Son but without pain, because it did not occur without purpose.
9. And she did not require a midwife, because He caused her to give life.
10. She brought forth like a strong man with desire, and she bore according to the manifestation, and she acquired according to the Great Power.
11. And she loved with redemption, and guarded with kindness, and declared with grandeur.
Hallelujah.

And there you have it! HeGod has breasts that lactate. One must infer nipples. Now that that is out of the way, I can sleep at night.


Or maybe not.

Because now I'm going to be thinking if God has a penis. Perhaps not. Well, not when he can impregnate women with his breast milk.

*thinkin*...but then again, maybe he DOES have a penis but suffers erectile dysfunction? Maybe he has a vagina? Or both? If he had both, he could fuck himself...*chucklin*...after all, one never really hears of a Mrs. God.


Oh jeeez....where's my Sominex, Benadryl, Tylenol PM, whisky, vodka and hefe-weisen....gonna need it all tonight!

[Asmodean]

Because now I'm going to be thinking if God has a penis. Perhaps not. Well, not when he can impregnate women with his breast milk.

Uh... Unless someone screwed up, misunderstood and wrote it down wrong...

What if it was not milk..?

Would god still need nipples?

[Gawen]

Maybe it was milk, maybe not.

Ode 8/ 14: I fashioned their members, and my own breasts I prepared for them, that they might drink my holy milk and live by it.

Ode 35/5: And I was carried like a child by its mother; and He gave me milk, the dew of the Lord.

The above translations were by James Charlesworth.
-------------------------------------
Following by Collins-World Publishers.

8/17: I fashioned their members: my own breasts I prepared for them, that they might drink my holy milk and live thereby

Ode 19/1-4:
1 A cup of milk was offered to me: and I drank it in the sweetness of the delight of the Lord.
2 The Son is the cup and He who was milked is the Father:
3 And the Holy Spirit milked Him: because His breasts were full, and it was necessary for Him that His milk should be sufficiently released;
4 And the Holy Spirit opened His bosom and mingled the milk from the two breasts of the Father and gave the mixture to the world without their knowing:

Ode 35/6: And I was carried like a child by mother: and He gave me milk, the dew of the Lord:
---------------------------------

The translation by Brahmachari Prangopal (Simeon Goldstein) is virtually the same as Charlesworth's.

If one reads the Ode's you will be astounded by the symbolism/allegory/metaphorical usage. They are at the same time, gnostic (even though there is nothing distinctively gnostic), dualistic, Johannine, Jewish, Early Christian, mystical and esoteric. Incarnation and theosis is a central theme as is the name of God/Lord but ironically never revealed. The Odes, whether written by one person or many are quite pathologically delusional.

However, God's nipples remain to be seen by those not sucked into the theology of the Odes.

[Ihateyoumike]

Because now I'm going to be thinking if God has a penis. Perhaps not. Well, not when he can impregnate women with his breast milk.

Uh... Unless someone screwed up, misunderstood and wrote it down wrong...

What if it was not milk..?

Would god still need nipples?

Gross dude.

Gross.

[Sweetdeath]

God has breasts...?  Mind is blown. 

[fyv0h]

hahahahahaha. greatest thread ever.

[xSilverPhinx]

Geez Gawen, why did you have to do that? Why?!

Hilarious 

[fester30]

This thread has so far ignored the all-important belly button question.  Adam and Eve would not have required a belly button, since they were made instead of born.  Would God have given them one so they'd look like everybody else?  If that's the case, then does God have one?  What was the purpose of God's belly button?  Does it mean he has a mother?  Perhaps sometime between "Let there be light!" and creating mammals, God said "Let there be belly button, and let mine be the only lintless belly button!"

[Tank]

 Apparently both Adam and Eve had navels.



Also why would God create Adam with a penis? When He created Adam God wasn't intending to create Eve, so why would he need a penis? But as God knows everything he must have known he was going to create Eve so maybe that's why he gave Adam a penis. In which case why didn't God create Adam and Eve at the same time knowing that He was going to have to create Eve anyway?

[Too Few Lions]

By the looks of things, he also created Adam with a baby's penis. He wouldn't have given Eve much pleasure with that!
I love that the Greeks admired tiny penises, because they thought that big ones were bestial. What an odd bunch they were.

god having breasts is an interesting choice of allegory, I can see why Constantine chose to omit 'the Odes of Solomon' from the official biblical canon!

[MariaEvri]

Also why would God create Adam with a penis? When He created Adam God wasn't intending to create Eve, so why would he need a penis? But as God knows everything he must have known he was going to create Eve so maybe that's why he gave Adam a penis. In which case why didn't God create Adam and Eve at the same time knowing that He was going to have to create Eve anyway?

the same questions go for the creation of Lucifer, and the tree of knowlegde

[Sweetdeath]

That's a good one.  I never heard the argument of adam & eve's sexual organs.

Btw, Adam's penis is fine. o_o it's unerect...
Also, small  penis looks more classy in art/sculpture.

What's with the random skeleton?

[fyv0h]

Also, small  penis looks more classy in art/sculpture.

Is that the equivalent of the classic "it's not the size that matters" thing? Cause it's cool to point and laugh at Adam. Just sayin'.

[Asmodean]

"it's not the size that matters"

Actually, it does. Even if it doesn't necessarilly matter the most, it still matters.

Now, "Bigger is better", on the other hand, is a rather questionable statement.

[Gawen]

Apparently both Adam and Eve had navels.

And no body hair.