What's on your mind today?

[Tank]

Tomorrow I have a CT scan to check the lesion growth. It happens early in the morning and I have to prepare by getting 32oz of water in my system an hour and a half before the scan. It's going to be done with contrast.

Every time I get one I get nervous. It always can be the one that stops treatment and the doctor says there is nothing more that can be done. I'm very close to reaching that milestone now since if it is stopped, there isn't anything else to be done but make me as comfortable as possible.

Anyway, I'm nervous now and watching movies to get my mind off of it.

Edit: I won't know the results for another six days.

If I thought it would work I'd be sending thoughts and prayers. As it is just know we're wishing you well.

[Randy]

Thanks everyone. I took an Ativan for anxiety this time. I'm tense and nervous. I have one more glass of water to inject and then I need to get dressed. Less than an hour and forty-five minutes to go. And then the waiting! If the doctor calls early (which she never has before) I might be a basket case with the results or have a sigh of relief. I go through this every three or four months.

A few months back they reduced the dosage. My body could no longer handle it. It was reduced by half. That concerns me because that could be all the cancer needs to start growing rapidly. I don't know if knowing is good. I know that knowing is not good. I'd be awake a lot of nights because it's on my mind.

If wishes or a positive attitude worked I'd heap those on my concerns.

Either the Ativan has kicked in and isn't working or it hasn't kicked in yet. I took it fifty minutes ago so it should have had enough time. I wish I could drink a couple of pints of ale to take the edge off.

Time for more water.

[Randy]

I'm back. I've been back for an hour or so now.

They had to stick me three times trying to find a usable vein. They found one partially usable but only if someone turned the needle just right. So when I was in the cylinder he had to hold it while pumping the contrast. He was successful fortunately. I've been stuck before only to have the medicine go under my skin instead. That burns badly!  Anyway, today it wasn't the case.

My doctor should know something by Monday. Now whether she feels like calling to tell me about it is another story. I'll probably end up waiting until Thursday as always. I don't know what I'd do with the knowledge any earlier. Maybe she knows of a trial from Emory. I doubt it but there's always hope I suppose, I just don't depend on it.

At this point I don't know whether to be apprehensive, nervous, scared... I'll probably go through several phases between action movies. I plan to either sleep through it, or entertain myself heavily. Worrying does no good so I shouldn't. That's why I'm doing other things.

Someone told me a long time ago that there is a 100% certainty that something will happen. It just takes a lot of other things to happen along the way to build to that certainty. I may not have said that right but anyway, if I haven't approached it, I'm awful close.

Going to find something to watch. Later everyone!

[Recusant]

I respect you and I respect your approach, Randy. I appreciate your willingness to keep us up to date on the things you're doing.* Good to hear that the person doing the vein-hunting was successful and managed to avoid causing fruitless pain. I hope the results are surprisingly good. 

*Yes that was a mild attempt at humor; I hope you're not offended. I really do appreciate you taking the time to share a chronicle of your life dealing with cancer.

[xSilverPhinx]

I agree with Recusant, Randy. Please keep us posted. There are people here who care.

[Randy]

Thanks Recusant and Silver. I will keep everyone informed. Hopefully it will stay quiet and I'll have nothing to report except good news.

[Randy]

I said I'd keep everyone informed though I don't know if this is the thread for it.

My tumors are growing especially in the liver where I have a lot of them. We stopped the Taxol therapy today. We're going to try something called Gemcitabine. It was confusing but I think she said I'll go on it for eight weeks and then I don't know what else. But they are setting up the schedule so I'll just follow it.

There isn't anything about the drug that seems to pertain to my cancer type. I don't know if this is a stab in the dark or desperation talking. She said something about trying to slow the growth rate down to increase my longevity. She also said that once the tumors get too big my liver will be compromised and there isn't anything that can be done. I guess I'm living on borrowed time but I'll take it.

Side effects of the drug: hair loss (I just grew mine back!), low white blood cells, low platelets, liver problems (I really don't need any more of these), nausea and vomiting (have drugs in hand), headache and flu-like symptoms, proteins in urine, rash; dry, itchy skin, mild swelling, mild joint, muscle pain, or cramps, and diarrhea.

There are some other things listed here which sound scary but I won't list them.

My largest tumor was 2.3 x 2.2 x 2.4 cm and now it is 3.7 x 3.2 x 4.3, a significant growth.

I expected this or at least was mentally prepared for it. I knew that my body would get used to the Taxol and the tumors would grow eventually. I knew that every time I went for a CT scan with contrast that this could be the one. This time it was.

I'm still in no pain although if this Gemcitabine doesn't work I will be. I think my oncologist is grasping at straws but she's not ready to give up on me and I'm glad for that.

[Tank]

Not a lot of good news there

[Randy]

I reread the radiology report. They also found additional tumors in the liver. I wasn't expecting that although I suppose I should have.

I did some research on the drug she's putting me on. It isn't usually given to people with my kind of cancer. Remember that mine is a Head and Neck Squamous Cell Carcinoma or HNSCC. It has metastasized into my liver, hip, and maybe the gallbladder. (They don't know what that thing is around it but it is neither here nor there now.) Anyway, that's why I said I think she's grasping at straws. I'll know on the next CT scan if it is working.

You know, cancer sucks royally. It sucks, blows, bites, and is just unrelenting. I think I'm getting to some stage where I get angry. It's no longer worry or fear, it's rage. I want to hit something.

Life often isn't fair. It just is. I've learned to accept that.

[Recusant]

Thank you again, Randy, for being willing to continue keeping the updates coming. It sounds grim, and anger is as good a response as any, and better than some. 

[Randy]

I found something on Gemcitabine and HNSCC: Gemcitabine in the treatment of advanced head and neck cancer. It sounds promising. I guess we'll know in about four months if it is working. I'll take slowing it down if it is all I can get!

[Magdalena]

I found something on Gemcitabine and HNSCC: Gemcitabine in the treatment of advanced head and neck cancer. It sounds promising. I guess we'll know in about four months if it is working. I'll take slowing it down if it is all I can get!

It does sound promising.
"...One complete remission, two partial remissions..."

...

You know, cancer sucks royally. It sucks, blows, bites, and is just unrelenting. I think I'm getting to some stage where I get angry. It's no longer worry or fear, it's rage. I want to hit something.

Life often isn't fair. It just is. I've learned to accept that.

I can see how frustrating it must be to have to go through this. Please try to stay positive, Randy, Fighting the feeling of anger and rage takes a lot of energy. If you want to hit something, go ahead. I would. After that, go back to your peace. There's time for everything. Yes?

[jumbojak]

I've been thinking about y'all lately. Too busy to post but y'all are on my mind.

[xSilverPhinx]

I said I'd keep everyone informed though I don't know if this is the thread for it.

My tumors are growing especially in the liver where I have a lot of them. We stopped the Taxol therapy today. We're going to try something called Gemcitabine. It was confusing but I think she said I'll go on it for eight weeks and then I don't know what else. But they are setting up the schedule so I'll just follow it.

There isn't anything about the drug that seems to pertain to my cancer type. I don't know if this is a stab in the dark or desperation talking. She said something about trying to slow the growth rate down to increase my longevity. She also said that once the tumors get too big my liver will be compromised and there isn't anything that can be done. I guess I'm living on borrowed time but I'll take it.

Side effects of the drug: hair loss (I just grew mine back!), low white blood cells, low platelets, liver problems (I really don't need any more of these), nausea and vomiting (have drugs in hand), headache and flu-like symptoms, proteins in urine, rash; dry, itchy skin, mild swelling, mild joint, muscle pain, or cramps, and diarrhea.

There are some other things listed here which sound scary but I won't list them.

My largest tumor was 2.3 x 2.2 x 2.4 cm and now it is 3.7 x 3.2 x 4.3, a significant growth.

I expected this or at least was mentally prepared for it. I knew that my body would get used to the Taxol and the tumors would grow eventually. I knew that every time I went for a CT scan with contrast that this could be the one. This time it was.

I'm still in no pain although if this Gemcitabine doesn't work I will be. I think my oncologist is grasping at straws but she's not ready to give up on me and I'm glad for that.

[Randy]

I found something on Gemcitabine and HNSCC: Gemcitabine in the treatment of advanced head and neck cancer. It sounds promising. I guess we'll know in about four months if it is working. I'll take slowing it down if it is all I can get!

It does sound promising.
"...One complete remission, two partial remissions..."

They only had eight people in that trial and six of them reported in. I'd feel better if they had a hundred people for the trials reporting.

My cancer is too advanced to expect a remission. The best I can hope for is the eight months (give or take) of extended life.