The "Friend Zone"

[Tank]

The only way out of the friend zone is to ask her out...but do so knowing that if you go out and later break up that the friendship probably won't survive.  The worst she can do is say no and you might even be able to pretend you were joking depending on how the conversation progressed.

Yeah, but that's the thing, if it doesn't work out I'd at least want to remain friends with her...

If you really value what you have then don't risk it. Good friends are rarer than lovers.

[Whitney]

godless, is this the friend from the prom story...not the one you went to prom with but the one that was your friend in high school?  Megan: viewtopic.php?f=4&t=3257

[Godless]

godless, is this the friend from the prom story...not the one you went to prom with but the one that was your friend in high school?  Megan: viewtopic.php?f=4&t=3257

No, this is a different girl. The girl that I liked in high school and whom I went to prom with, Sydney (refer to my first post), stopped talking to me after graduation. Megan is Sydney's best friend and I do occasionally talk to her, but she isn't the girl that I like. The girl that I like now actually seems more interested in "talking" to me as compared to the girl I used to like, who didn't really show all that much interest. Sometimes she'll post on my Facebook wall first or text me first rather than me having to start a conversation with her first. The party that I went to with her was through an invitation from her. But like I said, that's probably because I'm just a friend to her.

Edit: Now that I look back at my old post, I just seemed so pathetic ...

[Thumpalumpacus]

I'm with 'Smurph.  You only live once.  Nothing ventured, nothing gained.  You know, all that sort of rahrah stuff, except ... its worked for me.

[Whitney]

No, this is a different girl.

Just checking because that means you really haven't known her long enough to worry much about risking the friendship...just ask her out, make a move, or whatever you want to call it when you find an opportune moment.

[Godless]

No, this is a different girl.

Just checking because that means you really haven't known her long enough to worry much about risking the friendship...just ask her out, make a move, or whatever you want to call it when you find an opportune moment.

I've actually known her since my junior year of high school, so I'm not sure what you would consider "knowing someone long enough." I'll have either until Thanksgiving break or Winter break to think about this so hopefully I can make a decision by then.

[Whitney]

I've actually known her since my junior year of high school, so I'm not sure what you would consider "knowing someone long enough." I'll have either until Thanksgiving break or Winter break to think about this so hopefully I can make a decision by then.

Ah, I figured it was someone you met in college since you didn't want to take her to prom and she wasn't your friend from the prom story.

[Martin TK]

If you really value what you have then don't risk it. Good friends are rarer than lovers.

Well said, my friend.

I could put on my professional hat and attempt to give you some really academic advice and end up sounding like a) a prick or b) a robot.  What I will do is tell you a story.

My wife, second wife, and I had been friends for a LONG time.  She and her first husband lived across the street from my Mother, and we used to talk almost every day.  She spent a lot of time at my Mom's house and was there often when I went by to see my parents.  She and I were definately "in the friend zone" and even though I thought she was a very pretty girl, I never saw myself as anything other than a friend.  I knew her father very well, we both flew vintage aircraft, and even flew in some airshows together, and she was often there.

Well, my first wife decided to end the marriage, something about needing to "find herself" and so I found myself single.  About a year later, my current wife and her husband divorced after she found him in bed with another woman.  I was there for her, I listened to her, gave her advice as a psychologist, and we even started hanging out as friends.  We went to air shows together, hung out, played with our children (she loved my boys and I her daughter) and being together never crossed our minds.  We even shared a hotel room sometimes, sleeping in separate beds.  One day, and I don't know why, but she looked different to me.  I saw a woman where I had seen just a friend, and her being a good bit younger than me might have accounted for my originally seeing her as a friend only.  Anyway, he father and I were working on his plane one weekend, and out of the blue he asked me when I was going to stop being a friend and start being more.  I kind of stumbled over an answer, and he just laughed and shook his head.

I kept being her friend, until one night when we were driving back from a LONG road trip to see her father fly in a show, we started talking about what we wanted our futures to look like.  After about an hour I think it hit both of us, what we wanted what we needed was sitting right beside us all along.  We got married three months later, and we have been married for eight years and I still see her as both my best friend and the sexiest girl I've ever known.

The bottom line is, we didn't push things.  I know at your age it's almost impossible to envision that life sometimes has to take some pretty weird twists and turns to get us back to where we need to be.  I'd recommed that you take it easy, be her friend, develop the really deep feelings that friendship brings, and see where it goes.  There are much worse things than marrying your best friend.  Hope that helps.

[Godless]

If you really value what you have then don't risk it. Good friends are rarer than lovers.

Well said, my friend.

I could put on my professional hat and attempt to give you some really academic advice and end up sounding like a) a prick or b) a robot.  What I will do is tell you a story.

My wife, second wife, and I had been friends for a LONG time.  She and her first husband lived across the street from my Mother, and we used to talk almost every day.  She spent a lot of time at my Mom's house and was there often when I went by to see my parents.  She and I were definately "in the friend zone" and even though I thought she was a very pretty girl, I never saw myself as anything other than a friend.  I knew her father very well, we both flew vintage aircraft, and even flew in some airshows together, and she was often there.

Well, my first wife decided to end the marriage, something about needing to "find herself" and so I found myself single.  About a year later, my current wife and her husband divorced after she found him in bed with another woman.  I was there for her, I listened to her, gave her advice as a psychologist, and we even started hanging out as friends.  We went to air shows together, hung out, played with our children (she loved my boys and I her daughter) and being together never crossed our minds.  We even shared a hotel room sometimes, sleeping in separate beds.  One day, and I don't know why, but she looked different to me.  I saw a woman where I had seen just a friend, and her being a good bit younger than me might have accounted for my originally seeing her as a friend only.  Anyway, he father and I were working on his plane one weekend, and out of the blue he asked me when I was going to stop being a friend and start being more.  I kind of stumbled over an answer, and he just laughed and shook his head.

I kept being her friend, until one night when we were driving back from a LONG road trip to see her father fly in a show, we started talking about what we wanted our futures to look like.  After about an hour I think it hit both of us, what we wanted what we needed was sitting right beside us all along.  We got married three months later, and we have been married for eight years and I still see her as both my best friend and the sexiest girl I've ever known.

The bottom line is, we didn't push things.  I know at your age it's almost impossible to envision that life sometimes has to take some pretty weird twists and turns to get us back to where we need to be.  I'd recommed that you take it easy, be her friend, develop the really deep feelings that friendship brings, and see where it goes.  There are much worse things than marrying your best friend.  Hope that helps.

Interesting story, thanks!

[Godless]

I'm actually starting to think it's a bad idea to ask my friend out. I hung out with her on Saturday and she keeps saying how I'm such a good friend and all that, since I drove about an hour to her city and paid for her lunch. I feel like I'm entirely trapped in the friend zone, so I'm just stumped right now...

[AlP]

The key to escaping the "friend zone" is sex. Once you have sex with a girl, she will tend to feel invested and will do most of the work in maintaining the relationship. I've done it many times, always with disastrous results. Alcohol helps. And irony, always irony.

[TheChainSmoker]

I've been here a few years ago.. My friend and I were very close from middle school on.. Well, one night I just said "I'm going for it".. Asked her, she said no, and we haven't talked since.

Do I kind of regret it? Sure.
Would I do it again? Damn right.

[Thumpalumpacus]

I'm actually starting to think it's a bad idea to ask my friend out. I hung out with her on Saturday and she keeps saying how I'm such a good friend and all that, since I drove about an hour to her city and paid for her lunch. I feel like I'm entirely trapped in the friend zone, so I'm just stumped right now...

If you haven't told her how you feel, you cannot expect her to read your mind.  That's not fair.

Risky?  Sure.  But you cannot jump a chasm in two leaps.  If you want to fly, you must risk crashing.

[Tank]

I'm actually starting to think it's a bad idea to ask my friend out. I hung out with her on Saturday and she keeps saying how I'm such a good friend and all that, since I drove about an hour to her city and paid for her lunch. I feel like I'm entirely trapped in the friend zone, so I'm just stumped right now...

Frankly is she turns out to be like the last woman to call me her 'best friend', I'd run for the hills shooting behind me as I went. [/cynic]

[PoopShoot]

Set it up so she "accidentally" walks in on you fapping.  One way or the other, you're out of the friendzone.