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Doomsday Cult Hostage - Severe Depression

Started by Arthur Dent, February 25, 2009, 06:47:31 AM

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Arthur Dent

February 25, 2009, 06:47:31 AM
I've had it. I can't live like this. I'm a closet atheist trapped in a doomsday cult that rivals the mafia in seriousness. My parents were taken advantage of by a philosophical and charismatic pastor who gave their church a "mission from god". I'm finally coming to accept that I was mentally abused as a child, promised the end of the world was coming, that I would be a martyr. It's a scar that's never going to fade. Born. Indoctrinated. Abused. And it continues to this day; dozens of children, being told that Obama is the Antichrist, that they will witness the end of the world, and they will be fighting the good fight.

Luckily, 2 years ago I was given enough incentive to doubt it all when suddenly I found myself on the wrong side of the rules I'd preached all my life. I was contemplating suicide on account of the shame. Bit by bit, I dismantled my own "religion"; it was a matter of life and death. I've developed a fierce intellect on the subject and people are incredibly uneasy to have a discussion with me. I challenge things, which is unusual and uncomfortable for most.

I want to leave and never look back, but I don't know how I can. It's my whole life. My parents practically own me. All of my insurance. All of my college bills. They own my car. They've given me everything I need, but at the cost of my intellectual and spiritual freedom. I want the whole thing to dissolve, and I know if I spoke out in force I could bring this whole thing down (a cult of 300+ people), but I'm literally fearful of my life. I know secrets, secrets that some might die to protect.

 I'm so uncertain about anything in my life right now. I'm having trouble sleeping at night. I can't focus on my homework. Every aspect of my life is suffering from this torment. My immediate family believes I'm something I'm not, and they'd disown me if they knew the truth. I have no idea what to do and there's literally no one in my life right now that I can talk to about this either.

I never asked for this. I just want to be a normal kid.
"In our tenure of this planet, we have accumulated dangerous, evolutionary baggage -- propensities for aggression and ritual, submission to leaders, hostility to outsiders, all of which puts our survival in some doubt. We have also acquired compassion for others, love for our children, a desire to learn from history and experience, and a great, soa

dr.zalost

#1
February 25, 2009, 05:01:01 PM
If what you've said about your situation is true, just tow the line as long as you have to. When it becomes legally and financially possible for you to do so, get out, the further away the better.

athiest12

#2
February 25, 2009, 05:17:16 PM
i agree. take it in baysteps.  :)

Will

#3
February 25, 2009, 09:22:31 PM
If it's bad enough, if the abuse is so bad that it's driving you to contemplate suicide, you need to get out now. How old are you? What state are you in? I'd like to help.
I want bad people to look forward to and celebrate the day I die, because if they don't, I'm not living up to my potential.

Arthur Dent

#4
February 25, 2009, 10:11:04 PM
It's the sort of thing where you wake up feeling fine, but by the end of the day you realize your life is approaching a huge problem that you need to address.

The abuse has subsided as I'm away at college. When I visit home I simply don't buy into the end of the world bullshit anymore, but these people are still living their lives as if it is, homeschooling their children, not wanting their kids to go off to college, smothering them with conditional love and telling them that they've been chosen.

I just want to wake up and find that NO ONE CARES about what I eat, believe, read, listen to, where I want to live, who I want to date, etc. Every aspect of my whole life is viewed under this filter.

I really just need to vent, and I'm wondering if anyone has any experience in dealing with parents who are defensive and have extremely narrow-expectations?
"In our tenure of this planet, we have accumulated dangerous, evolutionary baggage -- propensities for aggression and ritual, submission to leaders, hostility to outsiders, all of which puts our survival in some doubt. We have also acquired compassion for others, love for our children, a desire to learn from history and experience, and a great, soa

curiosityandthecat

#5
February 25, 2009, 10:26:40 PM
How much time do you have left before you can graduate and leave for good, Arthur?
-Curio

Arthur Dent

#6
February 25, 2009, 10:52:55 PM
2010 may
"In our tenure of this planet, we have accumulated dangerous, evolutionary baggage -- propensities for aggression and ritual, submission to leaders, hostility to outsiders, all of which puts our survival in some doubt. We have also acquired compassion for others, love for our children, a desire to learn from history and experience, and a great, soa

VanReal

#7
February 26, 2009, 03:32:24 AM
I'm sorry to say this, maybe it's harsh, but if you are at college and are an adult (and not a child prodigy or the like) then you can take your life into your own hands and not have to worry about this.  Are you able-bodied?  Can you work?  I understand loving your family and not wanted to be alienated by them but for self-preservation it sounds like you need to stand up for yourself and stop living as though you are bound to that life.  They indeed do not own you, you may have to provide for yourself without your car and without them footing the bill.  It sounds as though your stress level has peaked and your mental health is suffering, only you can correct that, sometimes it takes tough decisions and hard work but - it's in your control.
In spite of the cost of living, it's still popular. (Kathy Norris)
They say I have ADHD but I think they are full of...oh, look a kitty!! (unknown)
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