HeartbrokenAtheist

[BadPoison]

Hello everyone.
I live in Houston, Texas and just today experienced a break-up. The girl I have been dating is Christian -and believe me this is her only flaw. She's a sweet, caring, usually relatively open minded individual.
A little background on me:
I was raised in a relatively fundamentalist church through the age of 18. I went to sunday school and bible study and the majority of my life thought I had a healthy, strong "walk" with God. However, around the age of 19 I started to have my doubts. As I became more educated and gained a higher understanding of subjects such as biology, astronomy, and history I inevitably began to see more holes in Christianity with each day. I became an Agnostic on my own, without the help of anyone, which is something I see as a personal triumph over my previously brainwashed world view. With a new curiosity in what I had discovered I now held to be true, I began to look into the literature of Richard Dawkins, Mark Twain, Christopher Hitchens and a few others.
Back to the present:
I've read the bible twice, and know what it says about believers dating nonbelievers. I knew this, and I had brought it up with my girlfriend multiple times. Each time I would, she would assure me that she didn't feel that way, and that she would never let our religious differences come between us. Of course I was skeptical at first, but I believed her eventually. After all this time - I thought things were about to get real serious, I hadn't fallen for a girl in a long time, and usually keep my distance with the women I date - She informs me after bible study that we could no longer continue a relationship. She "Loves god and is now revitalized in her effort to devote herself to him". What a bunch of bull. She still hasn't read the bible cover to cover - I am convinced I know more about her religion than she does - and now things are done between us. I saw this coming the moment I found out she was Christian. I asked her if my being an Atheist would be a problem on the first date (she of course said "No") - I was always honest with her - and now something that was a really good thing is over.
In short: Religion poisons everything.
Thanks for reading.

[Kylyssa]

I'm sorry for the distress this issue has caused you.  However, I was married to a religious person for 11 years.  The "Yoke thee not thine self to unbelievers" thing came up a number of times and it wasn't pretty.  It's a far better thing to find out these incompatibilities before you get in too deep.  I would wager in time you would find more incompatibilities between the two of you beyond religion.

I'm sure all of this is poor consolation considering the painful emotional nature of your problem.  

(((Hugs)))

[Zarathustra]

I knew this, and I had brought it up with my girlfriend multiple times. Each time I would, she would assure me that she didn't feel that way, and that she would never let our religious differences come between us. Of course I was skeptical at first, but I believed her eventually. After all this time - I thought things were about to get real serious, I hadn't fallen for a girl in a long time, and usually keep my distance with the women I date - She informs me after bible study that we could no longer continue a relationship. She "Loves god and is now revitalized in her effort to devote herself to him".

Welcome. To me that is just typical women. I have had four serious relationships in my life (so far). The fourth still stands, but all three ended because the girl did not keep her promises to me.
I think they mean it when they make the promise, but in matters of love you just can't trust a woman to be consistent.
I am sorry if this statement will piss a lot of women off, but that is my view. It does not mean that I am demeaning women in any sense, just that your minds works differently. If I promised a girlfriend that religion isn't an issue, she could be 100% sure that I would keep that promise throughout our relationship.

[karadan]

I knew this, and I had brought it up with my girlfriend multiple times. Each time I would, she would assure me that she didn't feel that way, and that she would never let our religious differences come between us. Of course I was skeptical at first, but I believed her eventually. After all this time - I thought things were about to get real serious, I hadn't fallen for a girl in a long time, and usually keep my distance with the women I date - She informs me after bible study that we could no longer continue a relationship. She "Loves god and is now revitalized in her effort to devote herself to him".

Welcome. To me that is just typical women. I have had four serious relationships in my life (so far). The fourth still stands, but all three ended because the girl did not keep her promises to me.
I think they mean it when they make the promise, but in matters of love you just can't trust a woman to be consistent.
I am sorry if this statement will piss a lot of women off, but that is my view. It does not mean that I am demeaning women in any sense, just that your minds works differently. If I promised a girlfriend that religion isn't an issue, she could be 100% sure that I would keep that promise throughout our relationship.

I feel exactly the same way. I think it is a hormonal thing. They aren't as in control of their hormonal instincts as men. I've seen what the need to have a child but the inability to have one does to a woman. It is really upsetting to see. The maternal instinct in women is bloody powerful and I think a lot of men underestimate this. I guess the same can be said for a lot of emotional quanta within women. They seem to be more intense than what men have to deal with.

With regards to the original post - that is very sad. I had a similar experience last year although we didn't end up going out - we just dated. She was Christian, I was a realist. The reason it never happened was purely because of her 'faith' and the fact that her rabidly religious mother got in the way. I'm sure she told her in no uncertain terms, 'you can either be with god or a devil worshipping atheist, you decide'.. Obviously the emotional blackmail prevailed.

If I wasn't a militant atheist then, I certainly am now.

The way I see it, religion got in the way of my personal happiness, and I totally resent that.

[Kyuuketsuki]

Sorry about your woman troubles BP and I'm (almost) with Zarathustra on this ...women's mission in life appears to be beautiful, intelligent, beguiling and in every way attractive to men (and I'm sure the same can be said for those in gay or lesbian relationships, I just don't know much about it) but they have the weirdest logic in the universe.

An example from "While You Were Sleeping" (1995) is where Lucy (after being told the she was not his brother's type) asks Jack why he announced she was pregnant at Lucy's friend's party and he informs her that his sister overheard her say so to which she respond, "So the only reason Peter (Jack's brother) would want to marry me is if I was pregnant?" ... I love that film (yes, I admit I love "Chick Flicks") and each and every time I sit there and I just can't get over the blame step from announcing she was pregnant at a party to his brother would only marry her if she was pregnant ... I mean WTF?

And it isn't just Hollywood ...my wife does it sometimes (different of course but the same kind of logic).

Anyway ... you're among friends now so welcome

Kyu

[rlrose328]

I'm so sorry you've suffered this heartbreak... it's a horrible thing when a partner misleads.  It's not a woman thing... it's a human thing.  She is misled by her religion and, in turn, misled you.  I've been lied to so many times by men, it's not even worth mentioning further.  Suffice to say, we've all been there, regardless of gender.

Kylyssa was right when she said you'd more than likely find other issues with the relationship sooner or later, especially if she so casually strung you along while she worked through her religious issues.

There is someone out there, just walking along in her atheist life, not even knowing you're looking for her.  And you will.  My atheist found me and I'd already given up.    Now, 15 years later while the country further steeps in religiosity, we're still together.  Just don't give up hope.

[curiosityandthecat]

Welcome to the forum!

I'll suggest to you what I suggested to another forum member: go to Asia, teach English, meet a cute girl (nearly all of them are considered atheistic) and enjoy your new life.  

In all seriousness, I know the feeling. My ex was a Catholic and it caused some tension between us. We were planning on staying together, but in order to do that, I would have to go to those make-me-a-Catholic classes. I wouldn't do it, because, as I explained to her, even if I did, I would be lying when I said I accepted God and all that. Thus, what's the point?

Here you will find atheists of every stripe, from every walk of life. You are home.

[BadPoison]

Thanks everyone for the warm response.
Merry Christmas right? At least I don't have to visit her family this year - I think mine will be enough in itself.

I've been reading this forum for the past week or so almost daily at work - maybe I'll post a little more. Seems like a friendly crowd. Sometimes I feel alone as I have no close friends that share a similar world view, and it is highly improbable to meet anyone who thinks similar to me given the very conservative, fundamentalist nature of the area in which I live. So conversing with each of you will likely be healthy for me.

If I wasn't a militant atheist then, I certainly am now.

The way I see it, religion got in the way of my personal happiness, and I totally resent that.

I see your point.

[Faithless]

Welcome!  As others have said, you're among friends now.

I understand and feel for your plight, being that I have loads of family in the Houston area, and as one of two atheists in a familial army of fundies, it can be extremely frustrating.  But hang in there, because we're on the right track!

[Whitney]

Hi BadPoison, welcome to the forum.

Religion can make people do stupid things.  

I was well aware of that verse when I started dating my husband.  It is actually what made me aware that I really didn't believe in the bible anymore (I had just not been participating in church and only casually questioned the existence of god before that) since him being an atheist didn't bother me.  It's kinda strange how similar situations can play out differently.  

Basically what I'm saying is don't let this experience harm your future relationships...you never know how people will turn out.

[Squid]

She "Loves god and is now revitalized in her effort to devote herself to him". What a bunch of bull. She still hasn't read the bible cover to cover - I am convinced I know more about her religion than she does - and now things are done between us. I saw this coming the moment I found out she was Christian. I asked her if my being an Atheist would be a problem on the first date (she of course said "No") - I was always honest with her - and now something that was a really good thing is over.
In short: Religion poisons everything.
Thanks for reading.

I smell BS my friend.  I was told something similar before.  I was broken up with because, after bible study, she realized suddenly that we weren't "evenly yoked".  I found out later that a "friend" at bible study convinced her of this.  Not too much later her and her theological muse were dating.  She hadn't read the bible completely either - never even glanced at the Old Testament and I've read the ridiculous thing twice in two different versions.  I understand your position my friend, I really do.

[BadPoison]

I smell BS my friend.  I was told something similar before.  I was broken up with because, after bible study, she realized suddenly that we weren't "evenly yoked".  I found out later that a "friend" at bible study convinced her of this.  Not too much later her and her theological muse were dating.  She hadn't read the bible completely either - never even glanced at the Old Testament and I've read the ridiculous thing twice in two different versions.  I understand your position my friend, I really do.

Yep - She said she had stayed at her bible study praying with some guy until midnight. I highly doubt the guy she was praying with had such altruistically pure motives as to only want whats best for her spiritually. I mean, as a guy-  would you sit there and pray with a girl for six hours if you didn't have a hard-on for her? Not saying she feels the same for him - I know she doesn't  

[curiosityandthecat]

Yep - She said she had stayed at her bible study praying with some guy until midnight. I highly doubt the guy she was praying with had such altruistically pure motives as to only want whats best for her spiritually. I mean, as a guy-  would you sit there and pray with a girl for six hours if you didn't have a hard-on for her? Not saying she feels the same for him - I know she doesn't  :|

[karadan]

Yep - She said she had stayed at her bible study praying with some guy until midnight. I highly doubt the guy she was praying with had such altruistically pure motives as to only want whats best for her spiritually. I mean, as a guy-  would you sit there and pray with a girl for six hours if you didn't have a hard-on for her? Not saying she feels the same for him - I know she doesn't  :|

Lol.

[Kylyssa]

Yep - She said she had stayed at her bible study praying with some guy until midnight. I highly doubt the guy she was praying with had such altruistically pure motives as to only want whats best for her spiritually. I mean, as a guy-  would you sit there and pray with a girl for six hours if you didn't have a hard-on for her? Not saying she feels the same for him - I know she doesn't  :|

I don't think I've ever been on my knees more than half an hour, then again, I can tie a knot in a cherry stem with my tongue.