New here. Hello!

[cheddamash]

Hello all. I'm an Atheist married to a Lutheran. I've come to see if there are others in my position and how they are handling it.  If so, how do you deal (or plan to deal) with religion and your kids? I don't have kids yet, but I'm somewhat dreading the religion issue.  My wife and I get along fine and understand each other and our differences in faith (or lack of).  I'm obviously not against religion for the most part.  I do think that it provides stability and morals. Our plan is to let her raise the kids as Lutheran and may even allow them to go to Lutheran school until high school.  We've also agreed to let them think for themselves and not force anything on them.  But I have a feeling that the kids (being kids) are going to choose atheism for the simple fact that they won't have to wake up early on Sundays like daddy.  Obviously not what I'm aiming for. The other problem I see is that I am able to better explain my lack of beliefs than my wife is explaining her beliefs. I don't want our kids to get between us. I could see problems arising from the inlaws eventually too. Their gonna want their grandkids to be raised like they were, of course. Hook em while their young... ya know?  Anybody else dealing with this?

[Squid]

Hola.  I can't say I know how to handle that since I don't have any kids and am not married or dating anyone - sorry.

[Tom62]

Can't help you either. My wife is a former catholic, who still believes in (a) god but who dislikes church. We don't have kids.

[McQ]

Hello all. I'm an Atheist married to a Lutheran. I've come to see if there are others in my position and how they are handling it.  If so, how do you deal (or plan to deal) with religion and your kids? I don't have kids yet, but I'm somewhat dreading the religion issue.  My wife and I get along fine and understand each other and our differences in faith (or lack of).  I'm obviously not against religion for the most part.  I do think that it provides stability and morals. Our plan is to let her raise the kids as Lutheran and may even allow them to go to Lutheran school until high school.  We've also agreed to let them think for themselves and not force anything on them.  But I have a feeling that the kids (being kids) are going to choose atheism for the simple fact that they won't have to wake up early on Sundays like daddy.  Obviously not what I'm aiming for. The other problem I see is that I am able to better explain my lack of beliefs than my wife is explaining her beliefs. I don't want our kids to get between us. I could see problems arising from the inlaws eventually too. Their gonna want their grandkids to be raised like they were, of course. Hook em while their young... ya know?  Anybody else dealing with this?

Yep, it's gonna be rough. My wife is a Catholic, and a eucharistic minister. My kids are confused by the situation of me not going to church and my wife being so involved. It's very difficult to pull off what you're planning to do, but at least you two have an understanding ahead of time what you want to try, and how each of you think.

[SteveS]

cheddamash (your name is making me hungry), I don't know if I can help either.  I am married, and I have kids, but my wife is a "recovering" catholic (haha).  She is not religious.  She seems very tolerant of my atheism, but if I talk to her too much about it she gets annoyed.  Fair enough.  Our kids are currently being raised without any religion whatsoever --- no promoting, no bashing.   I don't think they know what the word "God" means (keep in mind they are young, 3 and 5).

The only time my wife got "antsy" is when she realized that almost all the other children in my oldest daughter's pre-school class are catholic, and the other moms were talking about catholic schools, first communion, and other stuff I don't understand.  She's approached me once or twice about baptizing the kids --- I have basically said if you want to, go ahead, but don't expect me to help.  It's not that I'm trying to be unsupportive, but, my beliefs are important to me as well, and baptism is a ridiculous superstition in my eyes --- one which I will not support.  So I guess I am being unsupportive  :wink:  .  She sees this more as an issue of regular societal bullshit.  Like believing politicians are really looking out for the little guys --- she doesn't believe it, but she still votes.  (so do I).

Also, she worries if the other parents will think we're weird if they find out we're not catholic.  I don't think they will, they'll probably just assume we are a different religion (unfortunately, an assumptions that's usually going to be right).  And, I'm not broadcasting my atheism.  If someone asks me  if I'm religious, I'll say no (and leave it at that).  If they point-blank ask if I'm an atheist, I'll say yes.  It doesn't seem like anyone actually does this, though.

Sucks that people would feel a social pressure to conform like this --- I mean, I don't like religion, I think they're all superstitious and irrational for doing what they do, but that doesn't mean we can't be casual friends.  I have no worries about my kids playing with theirs, or going to their home.  I wonder if they knew I was an atheist, would it be different for them?  I hope not, but realistically I do wonder....

Anyway, sorry I couldn't help more.

[cheddamash]

Thanks for the input guys!

McQ, if you don't mind me asking, how old are the kids? If they didn't want to go to church, would the wife allow this?

SteveS, I love the term "recovering" catholic. Awesome, and true! I have a feeling this will be my wife eventually. If anybody can show people the anti-light it's me! We are still young and pretty much newly-weds yet. Once we've grown up a little more and have a family of our own I can see her stepping out of the box a little more. I think her parents are the ones holding her back from the real world. I think she sees a lot of truth in what I've talked about, but her parents would be ashamed if she stopped attending church (she's there right now actually).  We'll see.  I'll continue the jam my anti-god crowbar in between them.

[McQ]

Thanks for the input guys!

McQ, if you don't mind me asking, how old are the kids? If they didn't want to go to church, would the wife allow this?

SteveS, I love the term "recovering" catholic. Awesome, and true! I have a feeling this will be my wife eventually. If anybody can show people the anti-light it's me! We are still young and pretty much newly-weds yet. Once we've grown up a little more and have a family of our own I can see her stepping out of the box a little more. I think her parents are the ones holding her back from the real world. I think she sees a lot of truth in what I've talked about, but her parents would be ashamed if she stopped attending church (she's there right now actually).  We'll see.  I'll continue the jam my anti-god crowbar in between them.

The kids are getting up there in age now. Young men, really. They are 20, 18, 17, and 13. Once they reach 18, it is completely up to them to go or not. Prior to that, it is pretty much required for them to go to mass.

There are weeks when they just don't want to go, and they get some freedom with that, as long as it didn't become "every week".

[cheddamash]

Are the two "free" ones still going?

[McQ]

Are the two "free" ones still going?

Nope. They sleep in on Sundays now. Just like their old man!  

[cheddamash]

haha I figured. Have you talked to them about their beliefs?  Still Catholic and just lazy (like us all on Sundays), or are they stepping out of the box a little? Do you think 17 and 13 will follow?  Sorry if I'm prying.  I'm just really curious how my future kids may act.

[McQ]

haha I figured. Have you talked to them about their beliefs?  Still Catholic and just lazy (like us all on Sundays), or are they stepping out of the box a little? Do you think 17 and 13 will follow?  Sorry if I'm prying.  I'm just really curious how my future kids may act.

No problem. It hard to tell how the others will go. They are all very different in personality. The oldest thinks religion is "stupid" but he came to that on his own. I never decried my wife's faith, or demeaned her beliefs in any way. I was a christian for most of my life and much of our marriage.

All of our kids get a free course on comparative religion in our house. We talk about all kinds of religious beliefs, practices, history, etc. They know that there have been various belief systems all through human history, as well as those who did not believe in the supernatural.

So, that said, you never know what you'll get, but I do know that the more educated kids are regarding all religious beliefs, the better suited they are to make decisions regarding religion (or lack of it).

[Sophia]

Wish I could help, Cheddamash. I have no kids. I am married, and my husband hates religion pretty much but he doesn't claim to be an atheist. He's a Laveyan satanist actually and we have our own hurdles there. In fact I'm glad I have no kids because I am worried about how he'd help (if at all) raise them...he's generally pretty negative......guess I'm getting off the subject, sorry. But welcome to the group.

[SteveS]

I think her parents are the ones holding her back from the real world.

Hmm, yeah, parents can be a powerful influence.  Mine aren't religious, but I seriously doubt they would ever refer to themselves as atheists.  When I flap my jaws about this topic my mom sometimes seems uncomfortable.  But, then again, she was raised catholic (although she did not stay with it).

Man, I'm telling you something, they mess with people's guilt receptors in that church.  Every freakin' time something bad happens, my wife and sometimes my mom express this "maybe we're being punished" thing that drives me nuts!!!!

[tacoma_kyle]

Every freakin' time something bad happens, my wife and sometimes my mom express this "maybe we're being punished" thing that drives me nuts!!!!

Reminding them that they should also be considering how often life goes smoothly and they forget that it sucks when shit goes down and that it is possible to happen just by living normally? lol may just start shit. Probably would with me til I got fed up haha.

[cheddamash]

...my husband hates religion pretty much but he doesn't claim to be an atheist. He's a Laveyan satanist actually...

Wait... isn't that a religion?