Re: Hi :)

[kap3zy]

Hello Happy Atheist Forum!

My name is Kim and I'm guess what you would call a recent "out of the closet" atheist. I guess you could say my entire life I have been trying to force myself to believe in Christianity. I grew up in a Catholic household, and my two best friends in high school were devout Christians. Like any high schooler, I tried my best to fit in with them--going to church with them, bible study, even reading the Purpose Driven Life. Yet, I could never feel what they felt, I could never just blindly accept faith, and the contradictions that Christianity has left me confused and frustrated.

I thought to myself, "why couldn't I have faith? Why couldn't I feel the connection that my friends felt? Why do I keep questioning God? Why can't I just believe?" I thought something was wrong with me. Maybe I was overthinking it. Maybe I was too cynical. Maybe I was missing something in my brain that made me believed.

And then I went to college (which I'm currently a second year), and I took a philosophy class in religion, hoping it would answer my questions. I then met friends who were atheist, something I've never seen until then. And that's when I realized...

I don't have to believe in god.

Suddenly, I was overjoyed. I was relieved. I no longer had to try to please god, no longer had to try to understand god's purpose in life, but instead, try to figure out on my own. I felt empowered. I felt like my life was solely mine to control and that it was up to me to figure out my own life's meaning and purpose.

But I kept this secret from my family and my two devout friends, until about last week. For about a year, I had been faking my beliefs, pretending to be something I wasn't in order to maintain my relationships. Then, I just couldn't take it anymore. Luckily my mom was accepting of it, she was a little shocked because she was worried about the stigma attached with atheism, but she said it was up to me to form my own beliefs. My friends however, have not talked to me since, and I don't know how to deal with it. A part of me knows that if they were truly my friends they wouldn't care, but an overwhelming part of me really believes that it will no longer be the same, especially since they told me what keeps us close friends is our close "spiritual bond".

I've been perusing HAF for awhile now, reading posts about people who know exactly where I'm coming from. It's really refreshing, and I most say, the logic and arguments posted on here floor me. I admit I'm a little intimidated haha

Sorry for this long rambling of a post. I never sign up for forums, but this is one that I'm sure will provide a community for me that would be hard to find elsewhere.

[Recusant]

Hello and welcome to HAF, Kim.

It's sad that your friends seem to consider the spiritual bond between the three of you to be dependent upon a shared belief in Christianity, but not surprising.  Devout Christians consider pretty much everything to be somehow related to their god.  Right now, they no doubt feel betrayed by your lack of belief, as well as concerned for your "immortal soul."  On the other hand, if you were really close with them, they might already have suspected that you weren't with the program to the extent that they were. I would expect some sort of attempt to bring you back into the fold.  Assuming that the attempt is unsuccessful, I would not be surprised if they turn away from you altogether, while at the same time they accuse you of turning away from them (and their god). If they're fundamentalist, they might even say that you've succumbed to Satan. It's possible that one or the other might accept you as you are, but I wouldn't bank on it.  I've had great friends who were devout Christians, but they knew that I wasn't a believer before we became friends, so there was no sense of betrayal.  It's great that you're in a place where you can make lots of new friends; I hope that helps you deal with the sadness, if these two Christians decide to shun you.  

I've mostly lost friends because they've died.  More than I like to think about.  It's not much consolation, I know, but if you lose these two friends because of your lack of faith in their god (it's not a foregone conclusion yet that they'll cut you off; it might be that they're taking some time to digest the news) at least you'll all go on with your lives. There's a chance that some time in the future, you and they can reconcile.  Meanwhile, try not to dwell on it too much.  To be young and in college can be a great time in your life, so enjoy it!

I hope you find some of what you're looking for here, and that you enjoy your time reading and posting at HAF.

[The Magic Pudding]

Sorry for this long rambling of a post.

Don't be sorry, a lot of the people around here go on and on and on and on and ...
Especially Tank  
Anyway here's two, yes you heard it right two free complimentary welcoming wombats.
And they don't believe in god as far as I know.
If they do they don't make an issue of it anyway.

[Cecilie]

Hello, Kim. Welcome to the forum.

[Tank]

Hi Kim