Recovering from religion

[NothingSacred]

How long were you a christian and how long ago did you stop being a christian?

22 1/2 years but i had questions from an early age but i supressed them ...its been about 6 mos since i left

It's absolutly to be expected that you'll still be deep in the grip of serious cognitive dissonance at the moment, the nightmares are all part of your sub-conscious coming to terms with a massive realignment of your world view. One way of helping yourself get over this is to discuss these issues with others just as you are doing here. Another way is to meditate on the problem while awake thus doing what the dreams are trying to do but in a controlled way. I think I know somebody who can help with this.

I think after some evaluation ive worked out what the dream meant. I had a friend who was an atheist who asked me how it felt to be a christian in a relationship because you have to love god more than you love other people. I thought about it alot and his question haunted me.I thought to myself (still being a chrisian) that I easily loved my husband,my parents,and siblings more than god. I began to think about god being a jealous god and taking away the things you love more than him.It terrified me for quite some time. I guess it still does. If god were real and thats how he operated i'd have no choice but to think he was a prick and not worth following anyway.

[NothingSacred]

I think a better question would be: How did you go from being a Christian to an Atheist?

You can turn a fundamentalist into a liberal believer with education. And A liberal believer can become an agnostic with critical thinking. But Full-Fledged Atheist converts usually need something bad to turn them all the way away from god.  Faith does not appeal to the intellect. It never has. Faith is a series of internally verifiable truths that only appeal to your emotions.  When faith no longer appeals to your emotions on any level, then you are entirely free of religious faith.

Ironically, I get this line of thought from a different religion: Buddhism. This religion taught me that the way to end suffering is to free yourself from attachment.  Organized Religion does the opposite: They use these fear tactics to make people hopelessly attached to their beliefs. Most people are never told to meditate on freeing themselves from their attachment to their beliefs.  Instead this deep-seeded emotional appeal is usually broken by bad experiences.

I was a fundy, then I was a moderate believer, then I was agnostic. For me, I didn't entirely lose faith in God until everything in my life went to shit, and I tried praying, and I realized for sure: There was absolutely no one helping me.  So, obviously I don't want you to go through hard times so I'll suggest another tactic I've picked up. Meditation.

Focus on this concept:

Absolutely nothing is permanent. Whatever you attach yourself to (such as fear lodged in your brain by the church) WILL end someday. One day you will die and your fears will die with you. Knowing this impermanence, also realize that this attachment will cause you suffering, and that freedom from this suffering lies in detaching yourself.  With all these cognitive realizations, practice meditation. Master your own mind, and truth and happiness will follow.

Well I have all kinds of Buddhist biases, but I highly recommend meditation. It makes sense to me: At least it's not shit about talking snakes.  

The first step in my becoming an atheist was me stubling upon a clip from derren browns trick or treat where he uses hynosis ( an interest of mine) to convert atheists into christians. I wondered how he did it so i studied up on conditioning people's behavior with music, speech , loaded words,and social conditioning . I saw the link between the methods used in hynosis and the circumstances that lead me to "accept christ as my personal savior".a book called the god virus helped me in that . I learned that my conversion was on an emotional basis and when i began to seek concrete proof of god i found none. I also read the bible and that was one of the final nails in the coffin.

[Tank]

I think after some evaluation ive worked out what the dream meant. I had a friend who was an atheist who asked me how it felt to be a christian in a relationship because you have to love god more than you love other people. I thought about it alot and his question haunted me.I thought to myself (still being a chrisian) that I easily loved my husband,my parents,and siblings more than god. I began to think about god being a jealous god and taking away the things you love more than him.It terrified me for quite some time. I guess it still does. If god were real and thats how he operated i'd have no choice but to think he was a prick and not worth following anyway.

Good to read that you're coming to terms with the reality of life that those around you are the ones to care about, not some mythical sky daddy. Please don't take this in a patronising way, it's not meant to be. From the little I know of you, from what you have written here you seem to have matured a lot in the recent past. What you wrote about yourself in the 10 things thread. Being somebody you were not to please your father, your diminutive stature, your need to please others. Are these things less of a problem for you now? I think that is the case and that you have come (are coming) to realise that you have a right to your own life, simply to be you. Sometimes answering the question 'Who am I?' is the most difficult thing of all because it is so easy to slip into being what others want you to be. It's easy and dare I say lazy and lots of us do it to some extent or another. It's not easy to determine who and what you are and then to show the world that person. People fear rejection, we are a social animal and lots of our sophisticated evolved behaviours are aligned with the need to perform well in a group, this can make us too subservient sometimes. You don't have to feel guilty for who you are.  

[NothingSacred]

I think after some evaluation ive worked out what the dream meant. I had a friend who was an atheist who asked me how it felt to be a christian in a relationship because you have to love god more than you love other people. I thought about it alot and his question haunted me.I thought to myself (still being a chrisian) that I easily loved my husband,my parents,and siblings more than god. I began to think about god being a jealous god and taking away the things you love more than him.It terrified me for quite some time. I guess it still does. If god were real and thats how he operated i'd have no choice but to think he was a prick and not worth following anyway.

Good to read that you're coming to terms with the reality of life that those around you are the ones to care about, not some mythical sky daddy. Please don't take this in a patronising way, it's not meant to be. From the little I know of you, from what you have written here you seem to have matured a lot in the recent past. What you wrote about yourself in the 10 things thread. Being somebody you were not to please your father, your diminutive stature, your need to please others. Are these things less of a problem for you now? I think that is the case and that you have come (are coming) to realise that you have a right to your own life, simply to be you. Sometimes answering the question 'Who am I?' is the most difficult thing of all because it is so easy to slip into being what others want you to be. It's easy and dare I say lazy and lots of us do it to some extent or another. It's not easy to determine who and what you are and then to show the world that person. People fear rejection, we are a social animal and lots of our sophisticated evolved behaviours are aligned with the need to perform well in a group, this can make us too subservient sometimes. You don't have to feel guilty for who you are.   ) .When I was just starting to peak my head out of the cave and into the sunlight I didn't understand how people could be happy without a god but looking back I realize that the "joy" i experienced was just me putting on a happy face to convert others. Anywho before I get into my life story I'm really glad this forum exsists. It's theraputic to know that I'm not the only person experiencing these things. Everyone is really open and kind....which sometimes makes me wonder if im being love bombed like a new church member (im paranoid now about people's motives ). It seems genuine though.

[Tank]

Everyone is really open and kind....which sometimes makes me wonder if im being love bombed like a new church member (im paranoid now about people's motives  You're right to be wary of people's motives, I've been screwed on line badly twice. The simple answer is don't get involved at the personal level online, save that for real life. I'm a pretty good judge of character in RL but the narrow communication band (written word) makes it very easy for one to fill in the gaps with one's desires, to read things into people's apparent behaviour that you want to see that really aren't there. If you ever want to see a great film about forcing an idealised character onto somebody in your own mind then dig out 'Being There'. It's a comedy of errors based around people seeing in others what they want them to be, I personally rate it as one of the top 10 film ever made, I watch it a couple of time a year. Once you seen it you'll never hear the phrase 'I like to watch.' and keep a straight face ever again!

[Thumpalumpacus]

I'd love-bomb you but my B52 is in the hangar having an engine overhaul.  You'll have to settle for a friendly hand-grenade.

[Argie]

I inderstand how you fell Nothing Sacred.  When I gave up the beief in Jesus it took me a while to overcome the fear of "what if"  Later on I could give up the belief in god... I still have the "what ifs" days sometimes, but I´m learning to see those moments as an aquired need of superstition.  You´ll recover in due time.  Do as the members of the forum tell you, spend more time reading on the suject to help you rationalize the process.

[Martin TK]

"Everyone is really open and kind....which sometimes makes me wonder if im being love bombed like a new church member (im paranoid now about people's motives ). It seems genuine though."

Trust me, we have no motives, we don't seek to deconvert you, convert you, or control you.  The biggest difference between what you will get here and from Christians is that we have no "need" for you, nor any doctrine that tells us to be nice or to convert you.  We like you because we can like you, for who you are, not for what you bring to us, or do for us, or contribute to our cause or a cult.  In case you haven't noticed, we are about as divergent a group of people as you will find, and sometimes the ONLY real thing we have in common is our humanity, which is how it should be in the real world.  So, here check my hands and my "motives" you won't find a love bomb at all, but a genuine, real, and healthy respect for you as a member of the human race.  Hope that helps.

[KDbeads]

Everyone is really open and kind....which sometimes makes me wonder if im being love bombed like a new church member (im paranoid now about people's motives    so I can't add much other that to hold on and keep thinking/reading/questioning