Somewhere to discuss the fear of dying.

[Tank]

These two posts got me thinking the maybe there should be a discussion thread for fears about death.

Subject: Hello all!

Nice to meet you all!   Hang in there!

Personally I have no fear of what will come after my body stops working sufficiently to maintain my awareness of the physical world. I don't want to die. When I do die I would like it to be quick and painless. However I have seen many ex-theists agonise over the realisation that one day they will simply stop. So if you have a story to share or advice to give this is one place to do it.

[Cecilie]

I have no problem whatsoever with death. I don't fear death (unless it would be a painful death, but not the death itself). I hope there's no heaven, I really do. I would however be scared of losing someone I love, and I know that will happen someday (of course unless I die in an accident or something first). The only comfort you have if someone you love dies is that you will die as well and then it won't matter anymore. (A very pessimistic way of looking at it, I know) Just gotta do the best you can out of life.  

[teifuani]

Thanks for starting this! I was actually thinking of doing it myself, but the chances of me actually doing something are usually slim.

For me I think my problem now is that my mind is still trying to imagine the unimaginable. It's trying to imagine nonexistence, basically. Plus it  saddens me to think of all the potential experiences I'll miss out on. I guess I'm just selfish, but it doesn't ease my mind at all to think like that.

The worst thing, I think, is that there's nothing that can make it better. No matter what I do I'm going to die. I try focusing on doing the things I love, but even then my mind still clings to its dread of annihilation, and no matter how much I rationalize that eternal unconsciousness is better than eternal consciousness, I still hate the idea that one day I'll "go to a dreamless sleep" and never wake up.

[Thumpalumpacus]

Yeah, it's not death that worries me, but the process of dying.  Take me out in an airplane crash or something.

[KDbeads]

Yep, for me it's the pain.  I can endure a lot but I don't want to go out that way.

Story... When we lived in Chicago we were on the second floor of an apartment building.  One morning I was heading out for work and missed the edge of a step, went flying right toward the double pane plate glass window.  I knew I was going through, knew it would be bad, all I thought was 'Well, this is it."  Then I smacked into the tile floor and metal seal of the window.  My clod-hopper leather hiking boots had caught on the carpeting of the stairs and kept me from advancing those few additional inches into the window.
Took me 20 minutes to breathe without excruciating pain, my briefcase landed on my back bruised the heck out of it. I was halfway to work when I could finally take a full breath.


Needless to say, I made an appointment to get new glasses and no longer just walk down steps.... no I look down at every single step as I go down.

[Thumpalumpacus]

Yeah, I've had a couple of "this is it" moments.  As Churchill pointed out, nothing quite focuses the mind like impending doom.

[pinkocommie]

I've never really had a problem with death.  To me, there is an upside to death - the end of suffering.  Don't get me wrong, life is worth living and should be enjoyed for as long as possible, but death is inevitable which is why I think I'm not afraid of it.  I feel bad for people who actually believed in an afterlife and  later lost that belief, though.  That has to suck.

[Davin]

I've never really had a problem with death.  To me, there is an upside to death - the end of suffering.  Don't get me wrong, life is worth living and should be enjoyed for as long as possible, but death is inevitable which is why I think I'm not afraid of it.  I feel bad for people who actually believed in an afterlife and  later lost that belief, though.  That has to suck.

After thinking that being not immortal would really suck, I thought on what it would be like to live forever and I think it'd be fine for a few thousand years, but then it would start to get boring and then be completely unbearable. So now I think it's better to not live forever.

[pinkocommie]

I've never really had a problem with death.  To me, there is an upside to death - the end of suffering.  Don't get me wrong, life is worth living and should be enjoyed for as long as possible, but death is inevitable which is why I think I'm not afraid of it.  I feel bad for people who actually believed in an afterlife and  later lost that belief, though.  That has to suck.

After thinking that being not immortal would really suck, I thought on what it would be like to live forever and I think it'd be fine for a few thousand years, but then it would start to get boring and then be completely unbearable. So now I think it's better to not live forever.

I think of 'heaven' immortal being different than alive immortal.  I imagine alive immortal would, like you said, get boring and ultimately suck.  However, if part of the properties of heaven is that you never get bored or feel unsatisfied in any way, then I think losing that belief would suck.

[Thumpalumpacus]

I rely on dissatisfaction to give my life joy.  As such, to me losing it would be hell and not heaven.

[Businessocks]

Like others, the process of dying is scary to me.  But what really terrifies me is the thought of losing the connection to the people I love, namely my spouse and children.  Losing any of them and/or being gone from them keeps me up sometimes.  I'm still hoping that there's some form of energy continuance that unites everything, even in death, in a way that is loving.  But it still won't be this type of consciousness, and that's sad to me.

[i_am_i]

I have to admit that at the age of fifty-seven dying does seem a little scary. It's not the same kind of scary as going to the doctor or the dentist or going to get my hair cut, but it's close.

Now death, that doesn't scare me at all because death is after you die, right? Being dead, you know, I see nothing to be afraid of not existing. I didn't exist before I was born, after all. It's the dying part of it that concerns me.

My plan is that when I get the word that I've got, say, six months to live then I'll start shooting up heroin. I'll be a total junkie! I'll listen to a lot of jazz, smoke pot, eat good food and drink good whiskey.

I guess the only concern there would be personal hygiene. I don't like the idea of dying dirty.

I saw how my father died, in a hospital when there was no hope of any kind of treatment. It was disgusting. That is not the way I'm going out.

In the meantime I guess I've got at least twenty years left here at the most, I think that's pretty reasonable, two decades left to keep on being the fool that I am. Hell, it could be a lot worse.

[elliebean]

I wish only that my last moments will be happy ones and there are a few things I hope to experience/accomplish before then. I would be disappointed, otherwise, but I'll still be content to know I at least tried. I don't really think anything more about it than that.

I've been through it before, so I know it isn't anything to be afraid of, provided it doesn't happen in a painful way.

Being brought back, on the other hand, is no picnic.

[thelittlefinch]

Like others, the process of dying is scary to me.  But what really terrifies me is the thought of losing the connection to the people I love, namely my spouse and children.  Losing any of them and/or being gone from them keeps me up sometimes.  I'm still hoping that there's some form of energy continuance that unites everything, even in death, in a way that is loving.  But it still won't be this type of consciousness, and that's sad to me.

This.

I used to believe in an afterlife (mainly heaven and hell) and while I can no longer find comfort in knowing that I'll see my deceased loved ones on "the other side," the idea that my actions are no longer bound by silly threats of eternal doom is incredibly liberating. As a former Christian, I haven't fully come to terms with this yet... but at least now I can start living. Many of my religious friends are too busy living their lives for the (supposed) next.

[Gawen]

Like some of you, I have no fear of dying. Well...sort of. I have a fear of dying horribly and long. But yet, like someone just said, afraid of losing that connection with loved ones. Actually, I'm not afraid of it, because when I'm dead, I won't have a connection at all. What's to worry over, especially if I KNOW I'm dying? I'm pretty sure that if I'm able to, I'll probably cry seeing particular people around me, watching me expire, saying goodbyes and all. But I KNOW that I'll cry not because I'll miss them...but because, illogically, I miss them already....if you know what I mean.
I don't know...*thinkin*...
Perhaps it's like a forest ecosystem. I'm a tree among many. One day I'll fall and another will take my place. And all the saplings I watched grow into fine looking trees (some from my own seed) and all the other adults around me will bear a silent testimony of my fall. In a hundred years after I die, no one will remember that day of my death...and any testimony will be...or should be...just as silent.

Life goes on. Just not my own...*shrugs with a grin*

One thing that may help...have that video of yourself, you know, the ones people see after you're dead? That way you get in the last word...albeit...posthumously...*chucklin*. And, you can say whatever the frak you want to say...and never hear the comeback!!!