Anyone else gotten this e-mail?

[Big Mac]

Okay so I know Immigration is a hot topic. I have a few really hardcore red-state friends who love sending e-mails like people used to about 7 years ago. (I figured this would be under current events)

I got this little gem from one guy who insists that we are a nation founded on Christian values.

LET ME SEE IF I GOT THIS RIGHT.
IF YOU CROSS THE NORTH KOREAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU GET 12 YEARS HARD LABOR.
IF YOU CROSS THE IRANIAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU ARE DETAINED INDEFINITELY.
IF YOU CROSS THE AFGHAN BORDER ILLEGALLY, YOU GET SHOT.
IF YOU CROSS THE SAUDI ARABIAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU WILL BE JAILED.
IF YOU CROSS THE CHINESE BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU MAY NEVER BE HEARD FROM AGAIN.
IF YOU CROSS THE VENEZUELAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU WILL BE BRANDED A SPY AND YOUR FATE WILL BE SEALED.
IF YOU CROSS THE CUBAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU WILL BE THROWN INTO POLITICAL PRISON TO ROT.
IF YOU CROSS THE U.S. BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU GET

    * A JOB,
    * A DRIVERS LICENSE,
    * SOCIAL SECURITY CARD,
    * WELFARE,
    * FOOD STAMPS,
    * CREDIT CARDS,
    * SUBSIDIZED RENT OR A LOAN TO BUY A HOUSE,
    * FREE EDUCATION,
    * FREE HEALTH CARE,
    * A LOBBYIST IN WASHINGTON
    * BILLIONS OF DOLLARS WORTH OF PUBLIC DOCUMENTS PRINTED IN YOUR LANGUAGE
    * THE RIGHT TO CARRY YOUR COUNTRY’S FLAG WHILE YOU PROTEST THAT YOU DON’T GET ENOUGH RESPECT
    * AND YOU CAN VOTE DEMOCRAT.

I JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE I HAD A FIRM GRASP ON THE SITUATION…

It tickled me a little seeing as I have a parent who is an immigrant (She also has a Masters and speaks English fluently to the point that you'd think she's a native citizen) and friends who have immigrated here who all could run vast circles around these folks who get off to these stupid e-mails.

So I wrote a counter one, what do you guys think? Any suggestions?

LET ME SEE IF I GOT THIS RIGHT.

IF YOU LIVE IN NORTH KOREA YOU GET SENT TO GULAGS FOR SHOWING ANY KIND OF DISAGREEMENT WITH YOUR GOVERNMENT. TORTURE, RAPE, ABYSMAL LABOR CONDITIONS, AND A PAINFUL DEATH AWAIT.

IF YOU LIVE IN IRAN YOU WILL GET STONED TO DEATH FOR HAVING SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE. TEEN GIRLS WILL BE HUNG.

IF YOU LIVE IN AFGHANISTAN YOU MUST COVER UP EVERYTHING ON YOU IF YOU’RE A WOMAN. BECAUSE IT’S YOUR FAULT THAT MEN LOOK AT YOU LUSTFULLY, YOU WHORE.

IF YOU LIVE IN SAUDI ARABIA YOU WILL BE FLOGGED BY THE POLICE OF VICE AND VIRTUE IF YOU ENJOY WESTERN MUSIC IN PUBLIC. WOMEN MUST ROUTINELY SUFFER OTHER ABUSES BY THESE “OFFICERS”.

IF YOU LIVE IN CHINA YOU ARE TOLD WHERE, WHEN, HOW, AND WHAT YOU ARE GOING TO WORK. OFTEN BEING PAID WAGES THAT WOULDN’T FLY 40 YEARS AGO IN THE USA.

IF YOU LIVE IN VENEZUELA YOU CAN LOSE YOUR LAND TO THE GOVERNMENT AND HAVE IT REDISTRIBUTED TO MARXISTS SYMPATHIZERS. MERELY IF YOU ARE SUCCESSFUL AT YOUR JOB AND HAVE TURNED A TIDY PROFIT.

IF YOU LIVE IN CUBA YOU ARE WATCHED ON EVERY STREET CORNER BY MEMBERS OF THE POLICE WHO WATCH FOR ANYONE REMOTELY DISSENTING AGAINST FIDEL. ANY REMOTE SIGN OF THIS LANDS YOU IN A LOCKER FOR MANY YEARS.

BUT IF YOU LIVE IN THE U.S. YOU HAVE THE FREEDOM TO FORWARD RETARDED FUCKING E-MAILS IN ALL CAPS ABOUT HOW PEOPLE FLEEING HORRIBLE DICTATORSHIPS LIKE THESE ARE WORKING FOR BELOW MINIMUM WAGE AND IN SUBPAR CONDITIONS HAVE THE AUDACITY TO PROTEST THE UNFAIR TREATMENT IN THEIR NEW COUNTRY. OH AND YOU IGNORE HOW YOUR ANCESTORS WENT AROUND RAPING AND ROBBING OTHERS OF THEIR LAND BECAUSE THEY HAD “GOD” ON THEIR SIDE. IT’S OKAY WHEN THEY DID IT, RIGHT?

I JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE I HAD A FIRM GRASP ON YOUR SILLY FANTASY WORLD VIEW.

[kelltrill]

That was brilliant ^_^ Thank you so much for sharing that. I really enjoyed reading your version.

[Ultima22689]

+1, nice reply, let us know if you get one back.

[Big Mac]

I haven't sent one off yet. I'm still tweaking it.

I'm not trying to be a dead white guy basher. I just get sick and tired of hearing people who live like kings compared to the rest of the world complaining when someone cashes in on a small amount of social services. Some of it also seems to border on racism.

I also just find it annoying the same people who do this are the ones who scare politicians to adopt such nonsense as putting disclaimers about evolution in biology textbooks, banning gays from having the same rights as you and me, and other things merely because of their irrational views/fears.

This kind of nonsense makes me an advocate for a voter aptitude test. I honestly think people who are ignorant/dumb shouldn't vote alongside folks who are actually capable of intelligent thought/discourse.

[pinkocommie]

:yay:    Nice response!

[elliebean]

Nice!

[Asmodean]

In my country, you get free money from the state, free health care, free roof and a bunch of other freebies if you enter illegally. I must say that annoys me - I have nothing against those coming here for asylum or work, but we have enough of our own to take care of without looking out for fortune seekers.

[AtheistBrit]

Pow!! That's a brilliant response!

[Tank]

In my country, you get free money from the state, free health care, free roof and a bunch of other freebies if you enter illegally. {snip}

I thought they just got deported?  

[Kylyssa]

BUT IF YOU LIVE IN THE U.S. YOU HAVE THE FREEDOM TO FORWARD RETARDED FUCKING E-MAILS IN ALL CAPS ABOUT HOW PEOPLE FLEEING HORRIBLE DICTATORSHIPS LIKE THESE ARE WORKING FOR BELOW MINIMUM WAGE AND IN SUBPAR CONDITIONS HAVE THE AUDACITY TO PROTEST THE UNFAIR TREATMENT IN THEIR NEW COUNTRY. OH AND YOU IGNORE HOW YOUR ANCESTORS WENT AROUND RAPING AND ROBBING OTHERS OF THEIR LAND BECAUSE THEY HAD “GOD” ON THEIR SIDE. IT’S OKAY WHEN THEY DID IT, RIGHT?

I JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE I HAD A FIRM GRASP ON YOUR SILLY FANTASY WORLD VIEW.

I'd put this in a bright red text in a slightly larger font.  And maybe insert the image of that Arizona senator behind the new immigration law where he's marching with Neo-Nazis

[Kylyssa]

Oh, and yes, I've gotten a very similar email.  Fucking chain letter propaganda sending twerps.

[Tom62]

BUT IF YOU LIVE IN THE U.S. YOU HAVE THE FREEDOM TO FORWARD RETARDED FUCKING E-MAILS IN ALL CAPS ABOUT HOW PEOPLE FLEEING HORRIBLE DICTATORSHIPS LIKE THESE ARE WORKING FOR BELOW MINIMUM WAGE AND IN SUBPAR CONDITIONS HAVE THE AUDACITY TO PROTEST THE UNFAIR TREATMENT IN THEIR NEW COUNTRY. OH AND YOU IGNORE HOW YOUR ANCESTORS WENT AROUND RAPING AND ROBBING OTHERS OF THEIR LAND BECAUSE THEY HAD “GOD” ON THEIR SIDE. IT’S OKAY WHEN THEY DID IT, RIGHT?

I JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE I HAD A FIRM GRASP ON YOUR SILLY FANTASY WORLD VIEW.

I'd put this in a bright red text in a slightly larger font.

Flashing bright red large fonts are even better.

[karadan]

Heh, that was awesome.

Iran really isn't that bad, though. Two thirds of the country want to join the western world.

[Big Mac]

Heh, that was awesome.

Iran really isn't that bad, though. Two thirds of the country want to join the western world.

Oh I wasn't knocking the Iranians. I know a few and they are nice folks on the whole. I'm knocking the insane government that has an iron grip on them. Governments make some countries ugly. Not the other way around in my opinion.

[Tank]

The few Iranians I have met in the UK refer to themselves as Persians.