How do I come out as an atheist to my Catholic family?

[atheistlibrary]

I wouldn't recommend telling them at all if it's going to destroy your relationship with them. If you want to keep your friends or family, never talk about religion or politics. This conversation nearly destroyed my family, that is why we choose not to speak about it anymore.

If they are making you go to church, pray, study the bible, go to jesus camp, sing in the choir, and this is really pissing you off, then yeh you could say something. But be prepared for the worst, just incase. Make sure you have a backup plan, don't just lay it out on the table.

Or just wait til you move out, have a house of your own, and tell them later on in life. That way you are financially secure, and you will have a better chance to explain your atheism to them, rather than them just ignoring every word you say and call you THE DEVIL!  

[SSY]

I think that if people tolerating your religious or non views is an insurmountable barrier to your relationship with them, then it is not really a relationship I would be interested in maintaining. Having said that, if you are dependent on them, the situation changes somewhat. Them forcing you into religious activities, if you have expressed your disbelief is not acceptable in my eyes.

[Aedus]

But the issue is, my parents are extremely religious and they won't like my beliefs at all. I know they won't kick me out of the house for it or cut me off financially, I know they love me, but I am still extremely afraid of telling them. I guess I feel like they'll think less of me.

I need to tell them though. It's eating me up inside. So, could anyone share any stories of their "coming out" as an atheist? Hearing others' stories gives me strength.

Also, what did you say. "Mom, dad, I'm an atheist!" or something more complicated?

THANKS A BUNCH FOR YOUR ANSWERS!!

If your parents aren't harming anyone because of their religion you do what I do - shut the hell up and let your parents enjoy their delusion. Believe it or not, not all theists enjoy sowing terror among the streets and smashing planes into buildings as atheists would have you believe. Your parents can live happy lives and contribute to the betterment of the world as almost all theists do. I know it's tempting to point out the massive amount of evidence contradicting their beliefs, but you have to take the high road & keep silent.

[Ellainix]

If your parents aren't harming anyone because of their religion you do what I do - shut the hell up and let your parents enjoy their delusion. Believe it or not, not all theists enjoy sowing terror among the streets and smashing planes into buildings as atheists would have you believe. Your parents can live happy lives and contribute to the betterment of the world as almost all theists do. I know it's tempting to point out the massive amount of evidence contradicting their beliefs, but you have to take the high road & keep silent.

That's what my boyfriend says when I ask him to unveal himself...

[Whitney]

If your parents aren't harming anyone because of their religion you do what I do - shut the hell up and let your parents enjoy their delusion. Believe it or not, not all theists enjoy sowing terror among the streets and smashing planes into buildings as atheists would have you believe. Your parents can live happy lives and contribute to the betterment of the world as almost all theists do. I know it's tempting to point out the massive amount of evidence contradicting their beliefs, but you have to take the high road & keep silent.

That's what my boyfriend says when I ask him to unveal himself...

While letting them enjoy their ignorance is a common reaction, a conflicting concern is if it is right to lie to your family about your views.  I like to find balance in the middle and just be myself and only say something about another person's religion if they 1) ask me about it 2) invite me to church 3) say something so hateful I just have to say something to hopefully change their mind.

Coming out to family does not have to be a huge reveal where you sit everyone down and tell them you think their religion is stupid for x, y, and z reasons and that you are now an atheist...that's just unnecessary drama.

[LoneMateria]

If your parents aren't harming anyone because of their religion you do what I do - shut the hell up and let your parents enjoy their delusion. Believe it or not, not all theists enjoy sowing terror among the streets and smashing planes into buildings as atheists would have you believe. Your parents can live happy lives and contribute to the betterment of the world as almost all theists do. I know it's tempting to point out the massive amount of evidence contradicting their beliefs, but you have to take the high road & keep silent.

Oversimplification + strawman.  I agree that if you are in a position where you are dependent on them you might be better of staying quiet. If you feel you are comfortable hiding who you are then be all means follow this guys advice.  They should love you regardless of who you are, they are your parents.  (Now for the straw man) No doubt they can live happy lives as theists.  Coming out won't cause you to try and make them atheists and though it might cause them some short term pain it's probably better in the long run. You just need to ask yourself this can you live a happy life pretending to be something to them you are not?  If yes go ahead and follow Anuses advice.  Otherwise don't drop a bomb shell on them, but bring up your atheism in casual conversation.  Don't say hey i'm an atheist.  Stur up a conversation about god and then tell them you don't think hes real.  I wouldn't recommend coming out and saying, "Guess what i'm an atheist yay for me!!"

[lesondemavie]

You just need to ask yourself this can you live a happy life pretending to be something to them you are not?

For me, this was the really important question.  I pretended for far too long out of respect and love for my family, but there came a point where I lost respect and love for myself.  Catholicism is such a way of life in my family and by not telling them I spent my time at home angry and just going through the motions.  Most likely, what will happen is they'll fight for you - because of their assumptions, it will be scary for them and so they fight for you to be safe and loved and cared for by someone who they believe will be there should they ever fail.  There may be some hurtful things said (or yelled) and tears cried - and it may make you feel like they love you less for a bit (my mom told me that she had failed me and I in tears asked her if there was nothing I had done in my life that she couldn't be proud of if I wasn't Catholic), but you'll likely get through it and everyone will be happier in the end.  When I came out to my family, I was really at a breaking point and it wasn't pretty at all.  I was older and home for the summer after a year abroad.  I forget what happened or what I said and really at the time all I could muster was something more agnostic than atheistic.  They yelled and cried for 2 months, but things eventually settled down.  It was still a process after that - do I still attend mass with them on holidays?  what do I do when they pray before dinner?  what do I say to my younger siblings?  and then there was still the issue of letting them know that I'm really more of an atheist.  It's been 7 years now and I'm sure there's still more evolving and learning for us to do together, but I'm still loved, appreciated and respected for things that we share and value together - it's scary and not easy and it takes time to come to an understanding.  What you say and how you say it and when you say it will all depend on you and your family and what feels right, but I do encourage you to say something before you hit your absolute breaking point.  I think it might help to understand where they're coming from, what they do to show they love you, and also to evaluate what you do that you're proud of - then you can go into the process with realistic expectations and an inner strength/confidence.  It might also be good to have someone that cares about you that will understand and support you while things are rocky.

Side note:  I have friends that left the religions of their parents while still younger and in-home, but I know that in my home this would have been much more difficult.  My father, while raising me, was very strict and also abusive - he would have likely felt it part of his duty to continue to force me to partake in catholicism regardless.  At 22, although still difficult, he was done teaching me and better able to respect my decision as an adult.  Glad to hear that your parents aren't abusive and aren't likely to kick you out, but they may still, as your parents, decide that you need to continue to attend mass with them - in other words, I completely understand that feeling of exploding if you don't tell them but since you're not an adult it may not fix everything...yet .

[leonswan2000]

It should be pretty evident by now that nobody knows how anyone wil react to anything? If I were you I would make a list of questions and be completley honest in awnsering them. If your unsure or your awnsers put things on hold for awhile. The earth will still be here. Questions you might ask yourself. Is that my parents know my belief so important I am possibly willing to lose there care for me. What is the worst possible thing that could happen as a result of comming clean and is it worth it. Would it be better to wait untill I moved out on my own in the future to broach the subjuct so I have a safe place to go and friends to help me. [I'm assuming your friends by now know your beliefs and or OK with them or they wouldnt be friends] No matter how you go about telling your parents you have no idea how they will react and that means We realy realy dont have an idea how they react. The fact that you are concerned about how they react might awnser itself. Leap, but Look before you leap. Look a long time, before you leap.  I would hope after the intitial shock wears off your parents will not be happy with your decision but eventualy come around and love you regardless of your decision. This is a big "if".  Myself, if my parents were willing to take away there love for me because of any rational belief [belief period]  I would wonder what they loved me for in the first place. I mean if a parents love isnt unconditional should you bend and change your beliefs so they LOVE you?  I go to AA. I do not walk around telling everyone I meet I'm an Alcoholic. Eveyone has diferent streotypes of what an Alcohoic is. To some I'm worse than terrible. To some I'm to be pittied. To most people I'm a Guy who doesnt drink anymore. I have a lot of friends in AA and very few of them know I am an Atheist. To me its not important. I use the people there for practical support and ignore the God stuff. It works for me. But thats me. Most Catholic people I know I am sure would be suprised to find out I'm an Atheist. They all think I'm very spititual. I am just not how they think I am. I have no problem telling anyone I'm a Atheist I just choose my battles carefully. "They say "ingorance is bliss" Let them have there Bliss.

[John_Silver]

I suppose that I have a lopsided view on this.  For every kid I've met that was kicked out of his or her home for religious differences a few dozen others probably are not.  Then again, for every kid that got abused so bad they ran away or got kicked out there are probably some that get abused emotionally or physically that don't wind up homeless or in foster care.

First of all, I didn't intend on delving this deep into any of these threads. But the overtone of this story is heart-breaking to me. But for reasons other than what you may expect. Firstly, Kylyssa, your selflessness to work with teens of any sort let alone ones who have been abused and are homeless warms my heart. I often have visited Children's Hospitals predominately because I spent the first 5 years of my life in one of them and wanted to give back what was rendered to me by selfless volunteers when I was clinging to life. I know how difficult that kind of work can be. So God bless you for that...or just pat yourself on the back in your case

I came to say that parents who cut off a family member for their beliefs are not acting in the interest of Yeshua's teachings. Now I know that this could well start a debate about Old Covenant laws regarding children but that debate is a long, drawn out one best saved for another topic. A Christian parent who harms a child or emotionally cuts them off is religious for the sake of being religious...not a follower of Yeshua. Yeshua reached out to an "enemy" woman (she was not a Jew) in the face of His disciples who were incensed by His Mercy to her. There are countless examples of this in the New Covenant.

All that to say, I have no advice for the OP short of saying that if you were my child and you "came out" to me, I would simply ask you to keep investigating all of the things that come to your mind about life and its' meaning (or lack of it) until you reach the end of them. And then, of course, I would pray that you would find the answers. Anything less would be selfish pride on my part.

I truly hope it goes well for you.

John

[leonswan2000]

What does the Christian in the arena do?  Tell the Lion he's an atheist or pray to God to make the Lion dissapear? Your gonna get ate either way.

[John_Silver]

What does the Christian in the arena do?  Tell the Lion he's an atheist or pray to God to make the Lion dissapear? Your gonna get ate either way.

Since you went to that extreme, I think some perspective is warranted here. If one really wants to know what it's like to "come out" about one's lack of belief in a god, that person should ask someone what it's like to come out in a place like Sudan. It happens often. Christians (or non-Muslims in general) put Believers like me to shame in a place like that. We simply have no concept here.

John