Plans for our War on Christmas

[curiosityandthecat]

I lost my documents and schedules for this year's war on Christmas. Anybody have one I can borrow? I know, I'm an idiot. The Chief is going to kill me for this.

Trying to make up for it by forcing the local firefighters to take down their Christmas decorations. It's a start, right? Thankfully I graduated last year from 3rd level Recruit to 1st level Soldier. Anyway, I'm off to bully the local restaurants into not playing Christmas music.

 :|

[AlP]

I'm petitioning local schools to serve secular meals in the run up to the Christmas season. I'm also buying all the pecan nuts to artificially inflate their price, thereby putting pecan pie out of most people's Christmas budget. Expect the pecan bubble to burst next year. If anyone can help out with the cranberries let me know.

[LoneMateria]

I'm threatening to sue any business that has the word Christmas or a tree or a Jesus anywhere in their building.  When they refuse I call up the local Mosques to picket their business ... apparently having 300 Muslims outside of your business is ... well bad for business.  Especially when I dump a huge pile of rocks close by.  I also run to the local schools and rip down all their Christmas decorations and spray paint "Jesus is a lie" on their walls.  Also I go to the grocery stores and steal all their gingerbread, cloves, turkeys, hams, potatoes, and biscuits a week before Christmas and light them on fire in the parking lot.  

[LARA]

My nefarious plot is to turn any and every snowflake ornament I see upside down.  Nobody will notice until it's too late.

[MommaSquid]

I'm spreading the joy of Zombie Christmas carols!  

Zombie on the Housetop

Sung to the tune of Up on the Housetop

Up on the housetop, zombies pause
Eating poor old Santa Claus
Down thru the chimney come Santa's parts
Once a Zombie bites
Ouch that smarts
 
Chorus
Ho, Ho, Ho, better not go
Ho, Ho, Ho, better not go
Up on the housetop, snack, snack, snack
Down through the chimney comes Santa’s back.

First comes the corpse of little Nell
Oh, those Zombies bit it well.
Forget about a dolly that laughts and cries,
Zombies die first then open their eyes

Chorus

Next the undead are stalking little Will
Oh, just see he’s a glorious meal.
We use a hammer and lots of tacks,
And he has a brain and a spine that cracks.

Ho, Ho, Ho, Who wouldn’t go
Ho, Ho, Ho, Who wouldn’t go
Up on the housetop, snack, snack, snack
Down through the chimney comes Santa’s back.


From the book It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Zombies!

[Forseti]

meh. there's no such thing as war on christmas here .. because we've won already !

[SSY]

I dress up as Santa Claus, then when kids sit on my knee, I give them a present, but whisper in my ear that if they ever go to church again, I will kill their parents. That'll show those Christians. The best bit of course, because there is no god, I wont ever have to pay for the bad things I do!

[Ellainix]

I dress up as Santa Claus, then when kids sit on my knee, I give them a present, but whisper in my ear that if they ever go to church again, I will kill their parents. That'll show those Christians. The best bit of course, because there is no god, I wont ever have to pay for the bad things I do!

That was you???

[LoneMateria]

I dress up as Santa Claus, then when kids sit on my knee, I give them a present, but whisper in my ear that if they ever go to church again, I will kill their parents. That'll show those Christians. The best bit of course, because there is no god, I wont ever have to pay for the bad things I do!

ROFL I think we have a winner.

[SSY]

I dress up as Santa Claus, then when kids sit on my knee, I give them a present, but whisper in my ear that if they ever go to church again, I will kill their parents. That'll show those Christians. The best bit of course, because there is no god, I wont ever have to pay for the bad things I do!

That was you???

No need to thank me.

[Renegnicat]

Last christmass I woke up with a porcelain jesus head nestled on my pillow. There was a note: "Merry CHRISTMASS! --Santa"
 

[Tanker]

I've spiked all the Egg Nog with something special it should be totaly unexpected...*wispers* it's Rum. Now when all the good never-ever-drink-because-it's-a-sin Christians (thats all of them right?) Have an "innocent" holiday drink with thier families they'll get drunk, beligerant, and fight. Since they're Christians and never fight with family especialy during the holidays They won't know how to cope, because Christians never fight, so their families will be torn apart and they will no longer celibrate together. Ruining the holiday for them forever. Muwahahaha.


I can't belive noone has ever thought of this before this before.

[jrosebud]

I've spiked all the Egg Nog with something special it should be totaly unexpected...*wispers* it's Rum. Now when all the good never-ever-drink-because-it's-a-sin Christians (thats all of them right?) Have an "innocent" holiday drink with thier families they'll get drunk, beligerant, and fight. Since they're Christians and never fight with family especialy during the holidays They won't know how to cope, because Christians never fight, so their families will be torn apart and they will no longer celibrate together. Ruining the holiday for them forever. Muwahahaha.


I can't belive noone has ever thought of this before this before.

Most of the Catholics in my family are either German or Irish.  Idea fail.  

[buttercupbaby]

I'm roping off every exit of the church parking lot during Christmas Mass and sitting out back in a lawn chair, eating some smores by a firepit and watching the show.

[Tanker]

I've spiked all the Egg Nog with something special it should be totaly unexpected...*wispers* it's Rum. Now when all the good never-ever-drink-because-it's-a-sin Christians (thats all of them right?) Have an "innocent" holiday drink with thier families they'll get drunk, beligerant, and fight. Since they're Christians and never fight with family especialy during the holidays They won't know how to cope, because Christians never fight, so their families will be torn apart and they will no longer celibrate together. Ruining the holiday for them forever. Muwahahaha.


I can't belive noone has ever thought of this before this before.

Most of the Catholics in my family are either German or Irish.  Idea fail.  

It was supposed to be tounge in cheek, kinda like the rest of the thread. So mabye joke comprehension fail? Or mabye not obvious enough with my over the topness on my part?