Any parents here? How to safely expose kids to religion?

[sunshine]

I have a 5 years old daughter, who so far has no exposure to any religion (except santa claus and tooth fairy). We don't have any crazy religious relatives or friends to tell her funny stuff, which we could laugh at together.

Now she's starting school, and I'm worried that sooner or later she will get into a conversation, where she will have no clue what the other person is talking about. Not to mention that I think she'd be more susceptible to brainwashing than if she had some knowledge about religions.

I checked into the local UU, which has lots of atheists members, so I thought their Sunday school should be very freethinking. But my husband totally freaked out at the idea. He said "Their brochure mentions they teach 'scripture', which means they indoctrinate children. I don't want my daughter to be indoctrinated."

He said he's OK with me given her an overview of religions. But this seems an overwhelming task. And besides... I know her elementary school teachers will all suck at math, but that doesn't convince me to homeschool her. I can just tell her: "Actually, what your teacher said is not really correct. Let me show you..." -- like my mom (a mathematician) said to me when I was in first grade.

Anyone else in a similar position? Do you keep your kids "in the dark" about religions? Do you teach them something?

I checked the freethinking books for children, but all those books either assume that the child has some familiarity with religions, or even that the child is raised in a very religious environment. Are there any books for kids that assume NO knowledge about religions?

[curiosityandthecat]

I don't have any kids, but there are a number of parents here. I'm sure you'll get a lot of good advice.

There's also some freethinking children's books out there, though I can't for the life of me remember where to find them. Amazon, maybe.

And welcome.

[hismikeness]

I've thought about this too, even though I don't have children and my wife doesn't admit to being atheist, she doesn't admit to being religious either. Anyway, eventually I am going to have to explain why gramma and grampa do what they do and why my older brother and my child's cousins do what they do and why great grampa is a priest and what that means... I have been trying to wrap my noodle around it for a while exactly how I will do that. I think, as with anything else you try and teach a child, if you do it with honesty and love, it will all work out.

But I don't know how I will react when my kid comes home from school one day and says that one of their friends asked if he/she could go to church with them. I think I will let them go, and have a very in depth pre and post church conversation with them. Like, "alright, let's break this down."

Hismikeness

[pckizer]

Anyone else in a similar position? Do you keep your kids "in the dark" about religions? Do you teach them something?

I checked the freethinking books for children, but all those books either assume that the child has some familiarity with religions, or even that the child is raised in a very religious environment. Are there any books for kids that assume NO knowledge about religions?

I don't have kids, but I still feel extremely strongly about this:  You should teach them the basics.  Of multiple religions.  It should be an organic process, though, commenting as you go about life observing things which also means you need to be in a position to observe the crazy in a way that you can comment on it in some way to the kids.

For some very good help and examples on this topic, I highly recommend the following book:

Parenting Beyond Belief: On Raising Ethical, Caring Kids Without Religion
by Dale McGowan
http://www.amazon.com/Parenting-Beyond-Belief-Raising-Religion/dp/0814474268/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1256234639&sr=8-1

and the related site by the same author where he blogs:

Parenting Beyond Belief Blog
http://parentingbeyondbelief.com/blog/

I'd actually recommend going back to near the beginning of his blog and catching up as there are quite a few funny stories.  Many of the stories are teachable and he's changed some of his ideas in some subtle ways in how he recommends going about helping to raise kids that can think for themselves without giving in to dogma.


I do also think the "multiple religions" is also important as it points out the similarities and differences even better of those things you see.  I don't think you should go overboard in the beginning and pointedly try and give a 4000-year overview of known recent history; that just leads to boredom, annoyance and uncomfortable situations.  But, if you have some known up-coming interactions, something should probably be said ahead of time if it's only that many people have an invisible friend they will try and convince her exists and to come ask you about it if she feels pressured by anyone.  That's pretty much the case with anything in that she should feel free to come talk to you if she's being pressured about anything, be it eating certainly things, going somewhere or doing things, if she's being pressured by someone that's not her parent she needs to tell her parents about it.

[SSY]

I would favor giving a primer to her in the controlled environment of your own home. First impressions last after all, just like when I was convinced about a monster under my bed, no amount of retrospective assurance could convince me otherwise, we all know children can be irrational and have difficulty processing the information they are presented with. A simple thing along the lines "Some people believe there is an X, some people believe there is a Y etc etc" should at least get the mind working away, and provide some context to the inevitable tales she will hear. It would also be interesting if, after certain revelations about the Tooth Fairy and Father Christmas, you were to revisit this topic, or to refer back to them as examples of supernatural things that people believe in, without scientific evidence for their existence.

How religious an area do you live in? From the limited exposure you mention in your post, and the absence of religion in your family, I am guessing your surroundings are fairly secular? This will to a degree colour the first interactions your child has with religion, both in terms of the perceived ubiquity of the belief and the probability of getting a real nutter preaching about it .

Also, Welcome.

[Whitney]

I don't have kids yet but I do have contact with a lot of secular parents.  I've been told that it is better to tell the kids about religion and then answer their questions rather than pretend religion doesn't exist.  Well, it's important if you want to raise a free-thinker rather than a kid that will just believe whatever you believe.

I second pckizer's book suggestion.  I haven't read it but have heard parents call it their bible (in a joking tone of course).  I intend on reading it in the near future...when I can find the time for recreational reading again.

[AlP]

I've got no kids. This probably isn't useful yet. Skeptic magazine, which is excellent in itself, has a children's section where they generally teach critical thinking. It's aimed at older children though, maybe age 10+. There's a link about this quarter's Junior Skeptic on the site.

[McQ]

Well, I've got four kids, but I don't know how to be of much help here with this. My kids were all exposed to religion in the very typical American fashion of going to church with your parents, the same way I was exposed to it (former Roman Catholic and fundy independent protestant here).

It's a really lousy way to "learn" about religion, because you're simply taught dogma from the very first moment.

All I can recommend is to do it at home, in a sort of "Comparative Religions" class. But that means you would really have to know what you're talking about, or have the resources to accurately teach basic to advanced religious history. It can be done, with patience and hard work, but it beats the alternative.

Good luck!

[Kylyssa]

I have no kids but I am an atheist who was raised in a secular household.  My dad is an atheist, mom was an agnostic/agnostic atheist (it varied a bunch) and my parents gave me plenty of mythology to read once I hit school age.  Learning Norse, Celtic, Greek, Roman, Egyptian, and Chinese myths helped me put the other myths where they belonged - in the realm of scary campfire stories and make-believe.  My parents also gave me psychology and philosophy books to read as well as books on science - biology, evolution, chemistry, etc.

I think my first contact with the concept of Abrahamic religion came at around the age of five.  I encountered it in a fiction book I was reading (I was a very precocious reader) and just had to ask my mom, "Do people really believe that?!?"  She diplomatically replied that some people do and some people don't.  It never occurred to me that it might be real, it just occurred to me to wonder if people really thought it was.  The concept of people thinking it was real stretched the boundaries of my suspension of disbelief.  I was a bit surprised to learn that some adult human beings really believed in such stories.

Given proper context, children can figure out the difference between real and make-believe.  

So I guess my suggestion is to provide your child with age appropriate books on various mythologies with the idea firmly in mind that these are the fairy tales of other cultures and include Christian myth stories in the bunch.  Teach her to be kind (don't tease kids that believe in fairy stories, it's not their fault, etc.) to other children but to not believe all the tales they tell.  There are lots of great myth story picture books.

[karadan]

My niece is currently going through a god phase. She has a friend who is from a very religious family and i think she's been quite taken with the idea of a nice bearded grandfather figure living in the clouds watching over us all. I think my sister has handled it very well. She hasn't interfered and has let Eloise form her own opinions - even if they are what she's been told to think by her friends parents. I think this is the reason Eloise is quite happy questioning things she's told because my sister hasn't told her not to believe in the god thing. It has let her have an open and enquiring mind. She's an intelligent little girl so sooner or later she'll realise how hollow it all is and become a scientist, I'm sure

My parents treated me the same way at roughly the same age. I asked to go to Sunday school when I was about six. My parents let me go although in later years my mum told me she was totally against it but was eventually persuaded by my dad. I'm glad they did let me go because I formed my own opinion that very first time I went. I found it boring. It was too much like school. I'd rather have be out playing with my friends.

I'm not saying this is the 'correct' way to introduce kids to religion but it certainly worked for me and it seems to be working for my niece too.

[Sophus]

I've told my boy about a lot of different world-religions, old and current. Honestly, as long as they know there are many different kinds of supernatural beliefs I think kids are more likely to think, "hey, this is no different from the variety of fairytales daddy reads me," and discredit all of them. They're also smarter than we give them credit for. Don't be afraid to answer questions honestly. Otherwise it can just build up distrust later in life. That's why I never did the Santa gig.

[Ninteen45]

How to safely expose kids to religion?

In a sealed chamber in a radiation suit and gas mask, holding it with large tongs, or a remote controlled robot.

[Renegnicat]

Encourage kid's to think for themselves. That's the most important thing. If they ask you a question, and you don't know, say you don't know, and encourage them to find out. When they find out, ask them what they think the other side thinks. If they don't know, encourage them to find out.

And above all, make sure that they know what science is. Make sure they understand it's power and usefulness, and encourage them to compare what they discover through experiment to what they discover through others.