Met an interesting girl - Need some advice...

Arthur Dent · January 28, 2009, 03:20:57 AM

So, I met a girl at a party the other night. I wasn't really drinking, but she was. She took a strong liking to me but I didn't read very far into it. It was a highlighter party though so everyone was drawing and writing things on each others' shirts under the black-lights. She leans in and draws a Darwin fish on my shirt, and suddenly I'm paying attention. We start to flirt and hang together at the party. At the end of the night she suddenly writes her phone number on my shirt and then asks "wait, you're coming home with me right?". 0_o "Excuse me?!" I tell her I couldn't possibly do that, not while she was drunk, nor when I hadn't met her sober. She was devastated; actually upset with me.

The next morning I message her and say, "admit it, I made the right decision last night." She agrees but says "I was so ****ed at you! I just wanted to snuggle!" Seeing that the sober version also likes me, I ask her if she wants to watch a movie at my place. She says she'd love to and we really hit it off, talking until 5am. She's smart, intellectual, well-read, utterly adorable too. Then, she kisses me and is clearly blissful. She ends up actually staying the night on my futon, requesting that I sleep there with her (not "sleep with her"). The next morning, as I drop her off, she gives me a really long kiss good bye and says "I'll talk to you soon".

She appeared completely genuine throughout our time together, but it's almost like we hit it off "too well". It felt like we had been dating for weeks, all in one night, and we interacted with that same level of comfort and openness. We talked about anything and everything. I told her a little bit about my "religious upbringing" and she was extremely interested, asking a lot of questions. She told me about her childhood, her past dating experiences, etc. All the things everyone says to avoid...

It's Tuesday now and we chat online, but obviously not with the full chemistry we have when we're around each other. She said online that she definitely likes me, but there's no rush.

I'm really unsure how to proceed:
Do I ask to see her again sometime this week or weekend?
Do I leave her alone for a while and see if she starts to miss me?
Do I consider it a lame one-night-stand and move on?

leftyguitarjoe · January 28, 2009, 03:30:42 AM

Hang out with her again

Arthur Dent · January 28, 2009, 03:33:22 AM

How do you go about that without sounding over-eager or presumptive?

leftyguitarjoe · January 28, 2009, 03:38:01 AM

Quote from: "Arthur Dent"How do you go about that without sounding over-eager or presumptive?

Simple

Say you enjoyed her company and would like to enjoy it again.

Or maybe you can go somewhere with her.

Enthusiasm is nothing to be ashamed of. If you really like her, make sure she knows it!

Whitney · January 28, 2009, 03:48:59 AM

Quote from: "Arthur Dent"How do you go about that without sounding over-eager or presumptive?

Just tell her that you enjoyed hanging out and would like to do it again some time if she is interested. If yes, ask if she has any plans for _____ evening.

Going on a date once a week is hardly abnormal. Hell, when my husband and I started dating we were around each other most of the time because he was living with my friend's boyfriend and we all hung out at their place.

Aerlinn · January 28, 2009, 04:03:41 AM

It doesn't sound like you have any reason to be nervous. She obviously likes you.

Just take it easy and do what you think would be fun. No need to court her at this point. Just enjoy her company.

DO NOT assume it was a one night stand unless you want to lose her.
DO NOT leave her alone for a while. That "wait 6 days to call" shit only happens in the movies.

Just ask her if she wants to get together. When and where will be decided while you talk. But just relax and enjoy talking to her. She likes you.

Whitney · January 28, 2009, 04:21:20 AM

Quote from: "Aerlinn"DO NOT leave her alone for a while. That "wait 6 days to call" shit only happens in the movies.

I have actually refused to go on another date with a guy because he pulled that stunt.

Since you can chat with her online you could actually hurt her feelings if she is online yet you don't say anything (but do wait a few minutes after she signs in so you don't seem like you were sitting there waiting for her).

Arthur Dent · January 28, 2009, 06:51:51 AM

I think I'm in the clear. :hmm: I drove over and got it up and running in just a few minutes. She was soo relieved and like tackled me onto her bed. I thought, "phew, she still feels the same way". I stayed and chatted with her for awhile. As I went to leave she goes, "you... you can't leave me...nope..." and tried to keep me from leaving with her legs. "Okay, fine... but you should really sleep over sometime." (Not for sex)

She's pushing things pretty fast, but every time I take a raincheck she seems to like me more lol.

Anyway, I'm just relieved that she still feels the same way she did saturday night. texting/IMing is soo hard to judge sometimes. Thanks for the advice everyone.

karadan · January 28, 2009, 09:27:45 AM

You've gone a couple of weeks without having sex and you think that's still fast moving???

Wow, i need to realign my views on this subject! :devil:

leftyguitarjoe · January 28, 2009, 07:32:38 PM

Quote from: "karadan"You've gone a couple of weeks without having sex and you think that's still fast moving???

Wow, i need to realign my views on this subject!

That just means Arthur and I have the same morals. I have refused to have sex on the grounds that I didnt know a girl well.

oldschooldoc · January 28, 2009, 07:50:16 PM

Way to go Arthur. It seems you have a gentleman's mindset, and that is very important. It also seems you have found a girl who you get along with very well. Congratulations and I hope things go well for you. I wish my girlfriend was a atheist, but I still love her more than anything.

karadan · January 28, 2009, 10:31:40 PM

Quote from: "leftyguitarjoe"
Quote from: "karadan"You've gone a couple of weeks without having sex and you think that's still fast moving???

Wow, i need to realign my views on this subject!

One-night stands are great if both of you are cool with it. If i meet someone i like then yeah, lets take things slow. Having said that, i can't remember going more than two weeks before 'making love' with any previous ex-girlfriends..

Arthur Dent · January 28, 2009, 11:40:34 PM

Thanks for all the support, guys. Much appreciated. Last friday I sure wasn't expecting to be here.

It was really funny the night we met. All my life I was raised to be a "good kid" for the sake of religion, and even now as an atheist, I was sticking to familiar rules. Rules that had blended into principals important to me alone that I wasn't sure I had without religion. She was upset, and it was a leap of faith, but I thought to myself, "If she doesn't understand why tomorrow, then you probably don't want much to do with her."

But yeah, we've only been hanging out for a few days, so no rush on anything sexual. And she knows I'm a virgin so she's probably not thinking about sex any time soon. She wants me to stay over friday night though. We'll probably go out to dinner, watch a movie at her place and fall asleep.

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Met an interesting girl - Need some advice...