I'm slowly going insane... what should I do?

[madpiper]

I just don't know how to tell my family that I just don't believe anymore.

If I were to tell my parents, they'd disown me. It's odd... they have told me explicitly that if I was homosexual, they would understand, but someone with "no God sense" (whatever that means) could never be forgiven. I have to be very careful in casual conversation that I don't let it slip that Christianity is as delusional as any other previous religion, especially while we celebrate a Pagan festival!

I'm terrified at the prospect of my family discovering that I'm atheist, and at the same time I feel like a charlatan as I pretend to go along with their rituals.

What can I do? Surely I'm not the only one here to have gone through this experience! Tell me your experiences!

[Sophus]

First off, I'm terribly sorry you are in the predicament you are in. Being a former theist myself I had similar fears. But if I were in your situation I would do it all over again and come clean. I usually find that things go much smoother than I speculated. Plus the stressor of worry is not healthy in any way. Living in constant worry and self containment is a torment worse than anything they can punish you with.

[Asmodean]

they have told me explicitly that if I was homosexual, they would understand,

I wouldn't trust that "understanding" one bit until I saw it work.

...I'm terrified at the prospect of my family discovering that I'm atheist, and at the same time I feel like a charlatan as I pretend to go along with their rituals...

I'd probably just tell them and damn the consequences. But I'm probably not the best model of how to deal with life's rougher side. If you do go for my approach though, be prepared for as much as you can. Play every scenario you can think of in your had and have a plan or two for each and every one. Plans do tend to go up in flames once the whole thing is in motion, but that's no reason not to have any.

The only alternative I can see is continuing living a lie and constantly monitoring what comes out of your mouth for fear of the wrong word getting out... Not a pleasant prospect.

Ultimately, it's your decision and I advise utter caution when listening to my advise as I'm not the best example of supreme happiness and harmony.

[madpiper]

Thanks for the replies. Once all the visiting family leaves, I'm coming clean. I'm just sick of having to be ashamed for my beliefs, or more accurately the lack thereof.

I wouldn't trust that "understanding" one bit until I saw it work.

One of my parent's brothers is homosexual, and I'll bet that the only reason they show such great tolerance and compassion towards homosexuality is due to cognitive dissonance... When theology meets reality, prepare for rationalizations of epic proportions.  :brick:


I appreciate the words, everyone.

[Asmodean]

Mainly, they object to atheism because "it's a choice, not a genetic thing like being gay."  

Fundies tend to think homosexuality is a choice too. And shaky toleration is NOT the same as understanding or even acceptance.

I wish you the best of luck.

[madpiper]

Fundies tend to think homosexuality is a choice too.

They would surely think that too, if it wasn't for the fact that they'd have to condemn their brother to hell. Pretty lame rationalizing, if you ask me  

And shaky toleration is NOT the same as understanding or even acceptance.

I couldn't agree more. They use the word "understand" without really meaning it... it's sickening.

[Asmodean]

They would surely think that too, if it wasn't for the fact that they'd have to condemn their brother to hell. Pretty lame rationalizing, if you ask me  :|

[AnnaM]

If your family will not respect your beliefs and decisions, perhaps you do not belong there.

[Asmodean]

If your family will not respect your beliefs and decisions, perhaps you do not belong there.

If only we could choose our families...  

If only there was always a lesser evil to choose... Terrible words, "if only"

Let's think up an example: Say you are 14 years old, live in the USA, are atheist and homosexual and your parents are the worst sort of Christian fundies known to man. What choices do you have? You can live a lie and maybe eventually learn to believe in it yourself, thus forsaking who and what you are, or you can run away and hit the streets - which presents you with a harsh and difficult reality to cope with and more so to come out of. Or you can come clean and get kicked out or sent to one of those nice rehabilitation centers for gays or to some jesus camp for a few years, which eventually brings you back to choice one.

Of course, here I'm talking about a person who depends on others to keep the roof over his/her head, food on his/her table and clothes on his/her back. If you are in your late thirties, have two jobs, a car, a trailer and a dog and you still live with your parents, then the choice is obvious: hook the trailer to the car, get the dog inside and leave. But what if you can't really make this choice?

My point is, even if you don't belong with your family, the alternatives are not necessarilly better and sometimes potentially worse, depending on your situation.

[AnnaM]

If only we could choose our families...

Unless you are a minor, you can.  All you need is the nerve to actually do it.  I have nothing to do with anyone who is destructive to my well being, flukes of genetics or not.

[Wraitchel]

Mainly, they object to atheism because "it's a choice, not a genetic thing like being gay."  

I'm not so sure it is a choice. It wasn't for me. It was a long, slow, painful process of figuring out that I couldn't make sense of Christianity or any other religion. I couldn't believe it, no matter how hard I tried, and I did try.

My best apologetic approach to deists who care enough to be upset that I don't believe is to tell them that I know I have "fallen off the wagon" and lost faith. And I tell them I still welcome their prayers. It helps them "put it in god's hands" and stop worrying about it.

[Sophus]

I'm not so sure it is a choice. It wasn't for me.

I agree. Beliefs really aren't subject to will. You choose not to believe in God just as much as you choose not to believe in Santa Claus.

MadPiper:
What if you told them you were agnostic?

[VietnamVet-BRIGHT]

Not sure how old you are but my recommendation is to let your parents live in their fantasy world including the belief that you're still subscribing to their fairytale ... it isn't going to make an ant hill of difference at this point to the world whether you tell them or not.  But they are your folks and just let them live in their delusional world -- you have to be the understanding one here -- while you focus on helping others shed their superstitions.


.

[BadPoison]

Madpiper:

Would you mind letting us know if you decide to "come out" to your parents and how they take it? I'm sure there are many people that frequent the forum that would like to know how things go -- Myself in particular.

My parents certainly have a good idea that I don't subscribe to their set of beliefs - but they don't know just how different I am from them. Considering my parents are by many definitions Christian fundamentalists (though they're not so crazy as to believe in "young earth") we are probably in a similar situation.

Thanks -
 - BadPoison