That's right, I'm getting Ordained

myleviathan · July 12, 2008, 12:38:18 AM

You guys seriously need to read this crap. It's from this website: http://www.pulc.com/minister.php , which I had posted in another thread, but it's so great I had to post the full text for everyone's enjoyment. It feels like a new low to me.

QuoteBecome an ordained minister and enjoy a new outlook on life! As a P.U.L.C. Minister (with the legal right to use the title "Reverend") you will be free to preach and teach according to the dictates of your heart. WE AUTHORIZE YOU TO PERFORM ALL FUNCTIONS OF THE MINISTRY including marriages, baptisms, funerals, services, etc. As a point of passing, thousands of Ministers have become enormously wealthy performing simple religious ceremonies.

Our church is one of the largest with members throughout the world. You will enjoy the respect and prestige, rights and privileges customarily given to Ministers of the Progressive Universal Life Church. Our Ministers get many DISCOUNTS, suc as fares on airplanes, buses, ships and trains. Many hotels and clothing stores also offer us substantial savings. Another privilege is special hospital visitation hours.

When you become a P.U.L.C. Minister, our Executive Director, Pastor Jack J. Stahl, GUARANTEES you will never be the same. Your life will have more meaning and happiness than you ever dreamed possible. Your ORDINATION IS FOR LIFE. As a Minister ordained by us, you are considered a lifetime member of the founding Church. We possess the secret that makes all things possible--RELIGIOUS FREEDOM--the freedom for each and every person to believe as they choose and the right to express that belief--so long as it harms no other. We believe in "THAT WHICH IS RIGHT and every man and woman has the right to determine what is right for themselves." That is the doctrine of this Church.

For a small love offering of only $19.50, you will receive Ordination and a beautiful MINISTERIAL CERTIFICATE. Order Now and we will also rush you FREE our finest quality MINISTERIAL WALLET LICENSE! Both will have your name imprinted and bear the official Church "Gold Seal". Our Credentials are legally recognized by all Government agencies.

Please visit our online store to order this prestigious license.

afreethinker30 · July 12, 2008, 02:45:56 AM

I wonder if you get tax breaks with being ordained?If so count me in!

myleviathan · July 12, 2008, 04:20:24 AM

Yeah, I think you do get tax breaks.

Here are my favorite quotes from this thing:

QuoteAs a point of passing, thousands of Ministers have become enormously wealthy performing simple religious ceremonies.

QuoteYou will enjoy the respect and prestige, rights and privileges customarily given to Ministers of the Progressive Universal Life Church. Our Ministers get many DISCOUNTS, suc as fares on airplanes, buses, ships and trains. Many hotels and clothing stores also offer us substantial savings. Another privilege is special hospital visitation hours

OOOH, TELL ME MORE!!

QuoteWhen you become a P.U.L.C. Minister, our Executive Director, Pastor Jack J. Stahl, GUARANTEES you will never be the same. Your life will have more meaning and happiness than you ever dreamed possible.

QuoteWe possess the secret that makes all things possible--RELIGIOUS FREEDOM

QuoteFor a small love offering of only $19.50, you will receive Ordination and a beautiful MINISTERIAL CERTIFICATE. Order Now and we will also rush you FREE our finest quality MINISTERIAL WALLET LICENSE!

SWEET! I was hoping for a handsome leatherbound case!

QuotePlease visit our online store to order this prestigious license.

Wow! That's a great deal for a small love offering of $19.50. I'll bet that even includes shipping and handling!

rlrose328 · July 12, 2008, 04:56:37 AM

QuoteOur Ministers get many DISCOUNTS, suc as fares on airplanes, buses, ships and trains. Many hotels and clothing stores also offer us substantial savings. Another privilege is special hospital visitation hours.

So Joey Tribiani WAS right... ministers DO get to ride the subway for free??? :crazy:

This ALONE would be worth the price of the ordination.

My husband was ordained through one of these online churches... can't remember which one. I'll have to tell him this... he'll be thrilled!

susangail · July 12, 2008, 06:12:15 AM

"But wait! Order in the next ten minutes and we'll throw a medical license in ABSOLUTELY FREE!!!(just pay shipping and handling) Never practiced medicine? No problem!! We give licenses out to anyone! We don't care! All we want is your money! Order now!!!"

I can't believe I'm surprised.

Atheist Mother · July 12, 2008, 07:44:07 AM

I have a friend who is an agnostic who is an Ordained Minister. He did it to preform another friend's wedding. Seriously.

I have to ask him if he gets any perks. Maybe he gets some like Jesse Jackson. Pun completely intended.

susangail · July 12, 2008, 07:56:30 PM

Quote from: "Atheist Mother"I have a friend who is an agnostic who is an Ordained Minister. He did it to preform another friend's wedding. Seriously.

Oh, I've totally heard of people doing that. Seriously, why not? If they're practically just going to giving them away...

afreethinker30 · July 12, 2008, 10:19:58 PM

Quote from: "susangail""But wait! Order in the next ten minutes and we'll throw a medical license in ABSOLUTELY FREE!!!(just pay shipping and handling) Never practiced medicine? No problem!! We give licenses out to anyone! We don't care! All we want is your money! Order now!!!"

I can't believe I'm surprised.

Count me in. :banna:

Whitney · July 13, 2008, 01:25:57 AM

They charge to get ordained now? It use to be free with the option to purchase a certificate stating you are ordained. I did it a few years ago when it was free, just for kicks.

rlrose328 · July 13, 2008, 06:56:37 AM

Quote from: "laetusatheos"They charge to get ordained now? It use to be free with the option to purchase a certificate stating you are ordained. I did it a few years ago when it was free, just for kicks.

YES! That's what Joe did about 5 years ago... just so he can say he's an ordained Atheist.

It was all free but they had a section with "tools of the trade" that people could buy... a book with wedding and funeral services, specially printed certificates, cards and IDs, etc.

afreethinker30 · July 13, 2008, 07:06:56 AM

Quote from: "rlrose328"
Quote from: "laetusatheos"They charge to get ordained now? It use to be free with the option to purchase a certificate stating you are ordained. I did it a few years ago when it was free, just for kicks.

YES! That's what Joe did about 5 years ago... just so he can say he's an ordained Atheist. It was all free but they had a section with "tools of the trade" that people could buy... a book with wedding and funeral services, specially printed certificates, cards and IDs, etc.

Thats so cool.I'm really thinking about it.Oh I had a idea a funeral home for atheist/freethinkers and other godless peoples.But not sure it would do to well.

susangail · July 15, 2008, 01:20:32 AM

Quote from: "afreethinker30"Thats so cool.I'm really thinking about it.Oh I had a idea a funeral home for atheist/freethinkers and other godless peoples.But not sure it would do to well.

Wow, that's an interesting idea. I'm not sure how well it would fly though because funeral homes are supposed to be open to all kinds of faiths (and non-faiths). They teach a course on respecting the believes and wishes of those of different faiths and whatnot in the mortuary science program. I'm sure there are Christian funeral homes though. But great idea. I actually want to open my own funeral home someday... Oohh now you got me thinking....

Jolly Sapper · July 15, 2008, 03:39:39 AM

Quote from: "afreethinker30"Thats so cool.I'm really thinking about it.Oh I had a idea a funeral home for atheist/freethinkers and other godless peoples.But not sure it would do to well.

hehe... You could call it, "Once was Here, Now You're Gone. Funeral and Composting Services"

susangail · July 15, 2008, 04:45:23 AM

Quote from: "Jolly Sapper"
Quote from: "afreethinker30"Thats so cool.I'm really thinking about it.Oh I had a idea a funeral home for atheist/freethinkers and other godless peoples.But not sure it would do to well.

hehe... You could call it, "Once was Here, Now You're Gone. Funeral and Composting Services"

EvolutionCalling · July 18, 2008, 01:32:10 AM

I'm so in. Can I marry zoo animals too? I want a biraffabear in the worst way, but would hate for it's parents to be living in sin.

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That's right, I'm getting Ordained