Reflections on leaving Christianity and how religion tarnished me for life

[TheWalkingContradiction]

Hardly. The idea of the permanent, imternally consistent, indivisible self is I think a perception we are endowed with because of ithe evolutionary  advantage it confers.  At the very least ! i think you will accept that as a person one evolves and grows or shrinks) and that humans are subject to contradictory impulses, often driven by motivations and needs that are occluded from ourselves. So this incident is not the distillation or essence of TWC. The fact that you cite it as such ( even if not entirely seriously) may say something.

Agreed.  The main reason I cite it (besides thinking it will amuse all of you) is that I want all of you to see I am no goody two-shoes.  My halo went up in flames long ago.

Also...  Posting this sort of thing is good behavior therapy for me.  In Christianity I had to be so good all the time and so ashamed of even minor infractions.  (My OCD had a field day with that.)  I also went to great lengths to deny that I did 'bad' things.  Now I delight in being a full human being, one who loves science fiction and knows the bad half cannot be separated from the good.  (Why am I thinking about A Clockwork Orange now?)

And also...  I am having entirely too much fun on the board today; after all my serious posts it is nice to post a few like this.  I am doing a lot of boring work today, and it is delightful to jump on and off this board.  Still, the sooner I get the boring stuff done, the sooner I can read some comic books.  (Don't get me started on my students' shock upon me reading and thoroughly enjoying super-hero and Archie comic books...)

[TheWalkingContradiction]

Just don't dare me to ban you. It can have exactly the desired effect.

Yes, better to  dare him not to ban you and you'll be here for life.

Good goddess!  The board and I are engaged, and we haven't so much as dated.  When did I say lifetime commitment? 

[xSilverPhinx]

So... Let me give an example of how petty/vindictive I can be...

Way back in 1992, when I was a twentysomething working in a university in a non-teaching job, I was given my two week notice.  Basically, I had been fired for being uncooperative.  I simply would not do anything that hurt students, and I had issues with authority figures since I had just come out of a cult.

I knew that my boss would stay in his office until I left, and so, three days before my last, I stayed alone in the common office until 1:00 AM playing computer games.  His office was next to the common office, and unknown to him we in the common office could always hear his bellowing voice when he was on the phone.  He kept calling his wife, who was waiting for him at a social event he was looking forward to, to tell her that he thought I would be leaving soon.  Eventually, he had to tell her he could not make it at all, and he sent out for dinner to be delivered from a local greasy spoon diner.  Then I heard him talking to someone about how he needed to go home and sleep before the big day the next day.  "Why is he taking so long?"

The only reason I waited until 1:00 AM and did not stay all night was that the building closed at that time.  And I made sure he knew I was merely playing computer games.

Had he merely told me that he did not trust me in the building alone and wanted me to leave, I would have done so.  But he was still playing the nice guy and pretending to be on my side.  All I wanted was the satisfaction of hearing that he did not trust me alone even after all I had done.  He didn't say it, and I didn't budge.

Besides, I already had a letter of recommendation from a dean who hated him...

There are many other examples of what a bastard I can be--and how I enjoy it.

Now you see the real me.  (Pity we don't have a devil smiley face to put here.)

Love it! Especially when it's a control-freak who suddenly realise just how powerless he is.

Ahem. I can also be a vindictive and cynical person when I want to and don't. I've had my fair share of petty and immature control-freaks.  

[Tank]

Just don't dare me to ban you. It can have exactly the desired effect.

Yes, better to  dare him not to ban you and you'll be here for life.

[TheWalkingContradiction]

Love it! Especially when it's a control-freak who suddenly realise just how powerless he is.

Ahem. I can also be a vindictive and cynical person when I want to and don't. I've had my fair share of petty and immature control-freaks.  

Oh yes, he was indeed.  One day, long before I was fired, I found my desk gone and all my things piled on top of his desk, which had been put in my spot.  It seemed he had measured the desks, and mine was a couple of inches bigger.

You know there's a joke here, but I'm too much of a gentleman to say it.  (Yeah right...     )

I also think he had a trophy bride.  She was drop-dead gorgeous and he looked like, well, Dr. Sivana (comic book reference): http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Doctor_Sivana  Mind you, someone who looks like Dr. Sivana but is kind and empathetic is worthy of anyone's love and commitment.  The problem is he also had a personality like Dr. Sivana...

[DeterminedJuliet]

Dear Tank, please DON'T ( ) send me 3 liters of chocolate-mint frozen yogurt (see my address enclosed in PM to follow).

[En_Route]

Just don't dare me to ban you. It can have exactly the desired effect.

Yes, better to  dare him not to ban you and you'll be here for life.

Good goddess!  The board and I are engaged, and we haven't so much as dated.  When did I say lifetime commitment? 

Welcome to the Hotel California.

[Synapse]

I knew that my boss would stay in his office until I left, and so, three days before my last, I stayed alone in the common office until 1:00 AM playing computer games.

Revenge, a prank, and a video game? Sounds devilishly fun.

[Dobermonster]

Just wanted to say thank you for telling your story. I'm really enjoying your posts and see my own insecurities mirrored in what you say - even the carnal bits, though a couple years of complete sexual hedonism pretty well 'cured' of me of any extraneous religious guilt .

[TheWalkingContradiction]

I knew that my boss would stay in his office until I left, and so, three days before my last, I stayed alone in the common office until 1:00 AM playing computer games.

Revenge, a prank, and a video game? Sounds devilishly fun.

Oh it was, it was...   

Gotta go sharpen my horns...

[TheWalkingContradiction]

Just wanted to say thank you for telling your story. I'm really enjoying your posts and see my own insecurities mirrored in what you say - even the carnal bits, though a couple years of complete sexual hedonism pretty well 'cured' of me of any extraneous religious guilt .

So glad to hear that you find my story helpful and entertaining--and so glad you said something!

I can only dream of years of complete sexual hedonism--but I do have a wonderful imagination...  Sounds wonderful.  (--cough cough-- with Jensen Ackles --cough cough--)

[Dobermonster]

Just wanted to say thank you for telling your story. I'm really enjoying your posts and see my own insecurities mirrored in what you say - even the carnal bits, though a couple years of complete sexual hedonism pretty well 'cured' of me of any extraneous religious guilt .

So glad to hear that you find my story helpful and entertaining--and so glad you said something!

I can only dream of years of complete sexual hedonism--but I do have a wonderful imagination...  Sounds wonderful.  (--cough cough-- with Jensen Ackles --cough cough--)

You know, I think there is something to be said for imagination as a way of loosening mental bonds. I remember being a young teenager and wracked with guilt over my 'sinful' (read: sexual) thoughts, and would try to distract myself from them by praying or reading the Bible. As I started to detach from religion in general, I found simply fantasizing a big step towards emotional freedom. May not work for everybody, but as far as alternative therapies go at least it's a fun one.

[Stevil]

There is nothing magical about sex. It does not change you from a boy to a man nor does it change you from pure to impure.
You can merge sperm with an egg in a laboratory, no sex required.

Yeah, it can be intimate, so can kissing and cuddling. Nothing magical.
I can understand why some religious people are against non married people having sex, as it can lead to unwanted pregnancy and hence abortion which some consider murder.
But the religious concerns about gay sex are unfounded. It will never lead to abortion. They often argue that it is disordered or unnatural but why do people need to confine themselves to "natural". Is it natural to travel in a car as opposed to on foot? Is it natural to fly in the sky, to watch TV or to each ice cream?
If their god is all powerful and doesn't like people having gay sex, then this god can stop it himself, he doesn't need people to do this for him.

Religious used to be scared of witches casting black magic spells. Some were scared of the Harry Potter movies. They are just being superstitiously silly.
There is nothing magical about sex.

[TheWalkingContradiction]

You know, I think there is something to be said for imagination as a way of loosening mental bonds. I remember being a young teenager and wracked with guilt over my 'sinful' (read: sexual) thoughts, and would try to distract myself from them by praying or reading the Bible. As I started to detach from religion in general, I found simply fantasizing a big step towards emotional freedom. May not work for everybody, but as far as alternative therapies go at least it's a fun one.

I too was wracked with guilt over my sexual thoughts when I was a teen, and it did not stop until around 2004, when I became an atheist at age 39.  I was out of the closet since two days before my 23rd birthday, but even as a gay virgin I was...  guilty as sin.    Every sexual attempt produced incredible guilt (religion + OCD = disaster), and all that is probably why I am still single and have not done anything in years.

But, oh, do I have an imagination!  Star Trek in the ongoing fiction--with Andorians needing four to have sex--has only given me the craziest fantasies...  At least I now enjoy those guilt-free.

Maybe one day I'll be able to write about how I have finally done something again.  I promise to let all of you know if (when?) it happens.  

[TheWalkingContradiction]

There is nothing magical about sex. It does not change you from a boy to a man nor does it change you from pure to impure.
You can merge sperm with an egg in a laboratory, no sex required.

Yeah, it can be intimate, so can kissing and cuddling. Nothing magical.
I can understand why some religious people are against non married people having sex, as it can lead to unwanted pregnancy and hence abortion which some consider murder.
But the religious concerns about gay sex are unfounded. It will never lead to abortion. They often argue that it is disordered or unnatural but why do people need to confine themselves to "natural". Is it natural to travel in a car as opposed to on foot? Is it natural to fly in the sky, to watch TV or to each ice cream?
If their god is all powerful and doesn't like people having gay sex, then this god can stop it himself, he doesn't need people to do this for him.

Religious used to be scared of witches casting black magic spells. Some were scared of the Harry Potter movies. They are just being superstitiously silly.
There is nothing magical about sex.

I know that you are right on the mark, Stevil.  I am so glad that you and the others are here to share these ideas with me.

One issue, though: One of the many reasons I say I have a female spirit is that, to me, sex is love.  Many years ago I did fool around with different folks for the sake of fooling around, but I realized it wasn't what I wanted out of sex.  (Then again, do I really know what I want, or am I still giving mental lip service to religion and OCD?)

At one point I was even posting on an asexual board, questioning if I was asexual.  I don't believe I am, but I do think I may be what they called "lightly sexed."  Ironically, I ended up helping folks with OCD there and also wrote an article in which I explained (as a sexual person) asexuality to sexual people.  Ironic that I always fall into teacher mode.  I wonder if I use it to cover my lack of sex.

Harry Potter...  Just think of all the things those spells can do to enhance sexual experience!  And Dumbledore is gay (according to J.K. Rowling).  Too cool.

I think it's time to reread those books for the fourth time...  

Do we have a Harry Potter thread or can we start one?