Once in A lifetime opportunity

[En_Route]

As some of you have become aware through my ceaseless public education initiatives, many of them featuring my scantily-clad female acolytes, the world was in fact created by an enormous armadillo called Wolfgang who immediately thereafter disappeared up his own  scaly but transient fundament.  As founder  and supreme luminosity of the First Church of Wolfgang (Bahamas)Inc , I am now offering each member of this benighted collection of heathens a unique opportunity to get back in touch with their inner Armadillo at specially discounted subscription rates plus an opportunity to win a free signed technicoloured photograph of yours truly
In full rhinestone regalia. Terms and conditions apply.

[DeterminedJuliet]

Who do I write the cheque to?

[Ali]

 

I don't know this for a fact, but I suspect that Asmo is a jealous god.  I think you may be asking for 6-ish feet of leather clad Viking rage by trying to win converts.  

[Sandra Craft]

Is Wolfgang edible?  That's the only thing that could win my heart away from the FSM.

[En_Route]

Who do I write the cheque to?

Just sign it. I can fill in the rest of those mundane details.

[En_Route]

Is Wolfgang edible?  That's the only thing that could win my heart away from the FSM.

We can be flexible about this. Each believer must find Wolfgang in his/her/its own heart. First however his/her/its heart must be purified by overcoming its materialistic proclivities and making the necessary banking arrangements in my favour. Act promptly and be saved while the special limited period  offer is still available.

[En_Route]

I don't know this for a fact, but I suspect that Asmo is a jealous god.  I think you may be asking for 6-ish feet of leather clad Viking rage by trying to win converts.  

Being Irish, I fear nothing apart from a brewery strike,

[Stevil]

This sounds like a religion.
I hope you have properly registered, you don't want to waste any of your income on tax.

[OldGit]

How much?  The FSM is free and allows low moral standards.

[En_Route]

How much?  The FSM is free and allows low moral standards.

Pay peanuts and you get monkeys. Pay handsomely and you get Armadillos. As for morals we  do turn a blind eye to self- abuse. Which figures.

[En_Route]

This sounds like a religion.
I hope you have properly registered, you don't want to waste any of your income on tax.

Wolfgang forbid.

[OldGit]

Pastafarian heaven has beer volcanoes and stripper factories.  What does Wolfgang provide?

[En_Route]

Pastafarian heaven has beer volcanoes and stripper factories.  What does Wolfgang provide?

Those  extravagant promises are easy to make and impossible to verify. Followers of Wolfgang  are guaranteed immediate results in this life. Typically our converts report enhanced virility (even the female ones) , rocketing social popularity and an unsuspected flair for foreign languages and ballroom dancing.

[xSilverPhinx]

Why should I believe you that armadillos are not Wolfgang's Chosen People and the human faithful are?

Can armadillos be eaten in the afterlife?

[jumbojak]

I'm not signing any checks until I see a holy book written in authentic religious Yoda-speak. Without scripture that I can blindly spout at infidels, it's just not worth it.