another dilemma

[susangail]

My sister (who doesn't know I'm an atheist) just told me that people in my church youth group are asking about me and wondering when I'm coming back. So basically I'm like, oh shit. I was never really friends with anyone in the youth group, but in a smallish church, everyone knows of everyone. Someone not going to church for a while becomes a pretty hot topic. My town isn't exactly LA so I'm bound to run into someone from church eventually (which I already have come to think of it, but that was months ago.) I'm only 16. I'm not ready for the world to know that the little goody-goody Christian girl that no one swears around is now an atheist. I'm probably making too much of this, again, but it's going to happen sooner or later.

I'm not sure if I'm looking for advice or if I just wanted to tell someone, but here you go.

[Whitney]

I actually quit going to my childhood church while I was in high school because they were all fighting over if we should sell the run down place to buy a new church or not....many people at my school went to that church and not all of them understood why I left...especially since during that same time I also got fed up with being yelled at by my volleyball coach and choir director (they were just that way..yelling at everyone) and quit those as well.  However, even to those that though I should have stayed at the church, they were willing to accept my saying that I needed to find a place I felt more comfortable with.

I guess that might be harder to pull off in a small town, but you could try saying something along those lines if they press you for more information.  One trick I learned was how to express my views about religion without mentioning atheism...it did that with my mom for a couple years and she had no clue I didn't believe yet I also never had to lie.  Unless those around you think having differing views on religious topics equals atheism...then you might be able to say what you think without having to out yourself.  I suggest testing the waters with someone who is least likely to hate you if they manage to put two and two together.

I guess you could carry a bible around all the time and read it...then when asked why you don't go you could say that you would like to spend time reflecting on religion on your own so that you can better understand it.  That wouldn't be a lie and might get them off your back.

good luck....

[susangail]

I figured dancing around the atheist word would be my best bet. Before I really came to the conclusion I didn't believe in God, I stopped going to church because I didn't want to worship anymore (I was angry mostly) and I didn't want to fake it for the church members. I could use that with a twist or two I guess. It kept my dad at bay for nearly 2 months (along with my health issues of course), so it could work.

Thanks!

[jamesatracy]

I like the suggestion give above. You can always just say that you need some personal time to reflect on your current path or find your own way. Which is true.

[susangail]

Thanks. I think I've got my thoughts sorted now. I love this forum

[MommaSquid]

...I guess you could carry a bible around all the time and read it...then when asked why you don't go you could say that you would like to spend time reflecting on religion on your own so that you can better understand it. That wouldn't be a lie and might get them off your back.

good luck....

Excellent advice from our founder!   Being a closeted atheist is a difficult yet often necessary feat of daring.  I don't lie about my views, but I don't come right out and say, "I'm an atheist".   You can be honest while concealing certain truths.  It's a fine line we walk.

Keep us posted on your progress, susangail.

[Vichy]

Unless you are really worried about some consequence of conformist reaction, honesty is always the best policy.  And the opinion of a person who would react highly negatively to your belief in a rational universe probably is not worth evading the truth over, much less lying over.  Remember, you didn't choose to be born into your family and - however much you may or may not like them and for what reasons - you should not stake your happiness or self-evaluation on other people, that's totally impossible for you to control and your happiness can only be based on your own actions and choices which are in your control.

[tacoma_kyle]

If I were in that situation....let it out. May as well. Others will know at some point. There will be a adjustment period, people may be weird around you. Act like you always have and always will, they probably will treat you as always as well. Just dont buy a shirt that says '666' on it or somethin .

Personally, I dont run around sayin 'I'm a atheist.' Not sayin you or anyone does, but if I am asked on my religious affiliations, their gettin it.

As you gradually mention it from time to time, to person to person, you will feel better about it as well. Err if you have anything in common with me.

Staying bottled up isnt really a good thing.


BUT, then again I dont know really a thing about your situation.