Are human beings meant for monogamy or is it society trying to reform us?

[Sweetdeath]

I can understand why one might like monogamy, but there should be a statistic. How many cheat or lead secret lives because they feel ashamed or too guilted to tell their lover.
Seems pretty fucked up IMO.

I believe in total honesty.

[Sandra Craft]

According to the site Infidelity Facts (and I can't believe they have a site just for this, tho I don't know why they shouldn't because there's a site for everything), 53% of women in any relationship admit to infidelity, and 57% of men in any relationship admit to infidelity.  The key word for me is "admit", I suspect if we could read minds that percentage would soar for both sexes.

I don't know, to me monogamy is unnatural, impractical and nearly impossible to bring off.  Tho I can see problems with non-monogamy (aside from the jealousy that others have mentioned, there's the feeling of not being "special" to someone, or of not getting your fair share of the goodies in a relationship) I can't see any that is specific to non-monogamy.  I just don't understand the social benefits to paying lip service to this ideal.

[Asmodean]

I think monogamy is a difficult trick to carry off successfully and not merely because of men's insatiable horniness.

Simple. When warm and fuzzy goes away, break up and find someone new. Keep it to one at a time and problem solved. 

[pytheas]

I think monogamy is a difficult trick to carry off successfully and not merely because of men's insatiable horniness.

Simple. When warm and fuzzy goes away, break up and find someone new. Keep it to one at a time and problem solved. 

exactly, otherwise defined as   serial monogamy

[pytheas]

the institution of marriage as it stands and the monogamic commitment irrespective of the dynamic courses that may or may not run in parallel between the 2 involved is, entirely a patriarchical invention that secures the male in his feeling of overwhelmed inadequacy.

A full "capacity and realisation" woman swallows men like small cheese tacos, and that was evidently obvious in the caves, were god is actually godess, titfull and child-bearing.

So , sperm competition, territory claim and possessive jealousy were first a male "thing"

I am against marriage, and a good sport, horny enough to look and fantasize. potentially go with every and any woman (or else if the case be) but experienced enough to hold on to the partner of proven choice. Whatever you are, be it fully. And live it as if it will end. because it does end

as Camus said

The fact that everything is allowed does not cancel the fact that some things are best avoided

[philosoraptor]

There seems to be an awful lot of generalizations about marriage being made by people who are admittedly not married.  I find that to be curious.  Social construct or not, marriage is what you make of it, and I'd say most couple's reasons for choosing to get married are different, especially among those who are not religious and might not have that pressure on them.  Marriage gets a bad rap from people like Newt Gingrich and Kim Kardashian.

Marriage is more than just a piece of paper-it's a legally binding contract between two people.  If I burned my marriage license tomorrow, I'd still be married.  If marriage were just a piece of paper, there'd be no fights over whether or not same sex couples should be entitled to it or not.  There'd also be lots of destitute divorce lawyers, too.

Monogamy is not about "belonging" to another person.  There are plenty of practical reasons to remain monogamous-less risk of sexually transmitted diseases, and studies show overall longer life spans for married people.  Plus, screening sexual partners just for the purpose of a casual relationship is kind of tiresome.  Where's the incentive for a one night stand to tell you that they have herpes if they aren't in a middle of an outbreak?  Fuck man, but dating sucks, too.  For every thrilling moment that makes your heart leap out of your chest, there's an awkward moment, too.  The primping and preening and hiding of weird habits and shaving of various body areas and holding in farts, and hiding the fact that you have a foot fetish, etc...  Does anyone really enjoy that?  The quicker that shit is over with, the quicker you can get down to peeing with the door open, abandoning unnecessarily complicated grooming habits and getting down to business.

There were absolutely no references to ownership and obedience in our vows-we wrote them ourselves.  I said exactly "I cannot promise to obey you, but I promise to love and honor you with all my heart" and I meant that.  When I took my husband's last name, I didn't erase myself as a human being.  I'm still me, exactly the same as I was before.  As it turns out, his last name was just a lot more easy to pronounce and aesthetically pleasing than mine, and a name change is free when you get married.  Having a common last name identifies us as two members of the same team, and I'm cool with that.  Also, his last name is so common I don't worry about being found by people on the internet unless I want them to find me.  And now my initials are MAD instead of MAM, so I feel like I'm giving people a fair warning of what they are about to get into.  

More seriously, I married for practical reasons.  If I ever get hurt or something terrible happens to me, my husband is the one who knows what I would want done, and I trust him to do that.  If we weren't married, he'd have no rights, and neither would I if something happened to him.  That, and there are tax benefits of course.  It's so much easier to apply for certain types of loans, etc... if you are married and applying jointly.  

We were together for 8 years before we got married-it just made sense to make it legal and enjoy the fringe benefits.  For 3 years we had an open relationship and I think we both kind of got that out of our systems when we realized that no one else will ever understand our weird quirks and desires like we understand each others.  We both dated other people, and found them to be lacking.  Neither one of us has illusions about monogamy being natural-we know it isn't.  But the sex I have with my husband was always infinitely better than the sex I had with people I didn't know all that well.

Does he meet ALL of my needs?  Well, no.  And that's not what being married is about, either.  Of course no one person will be able to do that, but that's why we make friends who share our interests.  Spending 100% of your time with one person would get boring even if you weren't married to them.

In the end, marriage is awesome-with the right person.  And it still might not be for everyone.  But it only has to be a prison if you make it one.  Like most things in life, marriage isn't just black and white.

[Tank]

Cracking post philosoraptor!

[The Magic Pudding]

Cracking post philosoraptor!

Yes yes she always was very clever but what is the story with those Lego people?

[philosoraptor]

Thank you, Tank.

Those are Lego Sartre and de Beauvoir.  It appealed to my inner raptor child.

[DeterminedJuliet]

For context, as I'm not sure if it was clear in my posts, I am married. I was also referring more to sexual monogamy as opposed to emotional monogamy. I think there is a very big difference. I care very much if my husband falls in love with someone else or wants to live a day-to-day life with someone else. That would be "deal-breaker" material for me. But if he wants to have a discreet fling. Meh. Not so much.

[Ali]

I'm married as well.  And for the record, I actually enjoy being married very much.  Hubby is the best friend I have ever had or could ever want.  I don't mind being monogamous with him. 

[Sweetdeath]

I know that you can fill out civil.union or hospital papers to see your spouse if anything were to happen.
I've gone through the goverment red tape several times in my life.
Marriage really isnt that much different than a paper.
You can feel bonded to someone just by sticking by them.

I do like Asmo's post.
Feelings fade. I think.in the end people only get married/stayed married because they are lonely.  And fyi: I don't even pay attention to celebs failed marriages. I take experience from real people in my life; my parents, friends' parents, etc.

[Ali]

Feelings fade. I think.in the end people only get married/stayed married because they are lonely.  And fyi: I don't even pay attention to celebs failed marriages. I take experience from real people in my life; my parents, friends' parents, etc.

Maybe some people.  I don't think that's always true.  I mean, yes, it's true that the honeymoon feelings fade.    I don't get butterflies when I talk to the husband anymore, nor do I feel the need to be around him 24/7, or shag his brains out everytime I see him.  That stuff fades, in my experience.  But I think that it's possible to have other stuff that keeps you together after that fades, if you're lucky and chose well.  Like I said, my husband is, hands down, my best friend in the whole world.  He's my companion, and my partner in most of the things that matter to me.  After nine years together, he can still make me laugh until I cry, and make me think thinks I haven't thought of.  And in my very worst moments, he's the one person in the world that I can count on to always stand next to me and hold my hand and keep me from completely losing myself.  That's the kind of stuff that you don't get if you bounce from person to person, that comes with time, and in my opinion, butterflies are a very poor substitute.  I'd rather keep my life long friend.

[Traveler]

Speaking for myself, I believe in serial monogamy. When I'm with someone, I'm with them and only them. And I expect the same from them. If they want to be with someone else, I deserve a heads up BEFORE they act on it. Then I can decide if I'm ok with it. I know too many people who have been deeply hurt by their partner cheating. I will not do that to another person. And I deserve the same. I know a lot of people who feel the same. We don't necessarily believe that there's one and only one person for us for our entire lives. But when we're with someone, we respect that partnership.

Now, if someone wants an open relationship, and both partners agree, then that's not cheating. And that's totally ok. What's wrong with cheating is the lying aspect. So, as to monogamy, I think there are many views on it, and the point, to me, is to not harm your partner(s). So, be clear your expectations, and have the respect to be open with your partner. In other words, I think some humans are inclined to monogamy and some are not. The key is to be honest with your partner(s) about which way you roll.

[Sweetdeath]

I agree ^
Honesty is key.