I need an Atheist Group Hug!

[missourigal86]

     Hi, I joined to be among my "own kind"... not that I segregate myself from others but here lately I feel they do.  I have been an Atheist since I was about 14 (after having gone to Catholic school for a short time and having gone all out crazy christian for awhile).  I am now almost 26, married and just had my third child.  My parents divorced when I was 5 and my dad is an Atheist but my mom, who mostly raised me, is a Christian.  She was always one of those, what I call, "modern day moderates", you know the ones that haven't really even read the Bible but just say they believe in Jesus... probably because if they actually did read it they'd lose their minds and ultimately their faiths.  She married an Atheist/Hindu from India who has always been open minded to these things and my 16 year old brother is also a very open minded Christian. 
    Here lately though they have started going to my uncle's house every Thursday for Bible study- he has always been obsessed with it, to the point it is sad and creepy... well now all 3 of them are losing their minds as well.  They're becoming obsessive and weird like he is and shoving it down my throat.  They are the only family I have so it's not even like I can get away or talk to anyone else about it (other than my dad and husband).  They tell me I'm not "whole" and that I'm missing something but that we all "grow at our own rates" and I may "figure it out someday" and be able to be whole to once I receive "the spirit" but that I can "never understand" because it's something I've never experienced.  It is really pissing me off and frankly just making me sad.  Do they not realize that I feel just as sorry for them for being so obsessed with ONE BOOK?!  All the books the world and they can only focus on one?!  That they are so desperate and in denial of reality?!  That they don't know how to live or be good people without someone else's principles?!   The point is, I don't act like a condescending a** and tell them that I feel sorry for them.  I have no urge to  make them act or believe like me, I sleep at night with no care as to what they do or don't believe and all I'm asking is for the same amount of respect and acceptance.  I told my mom just that today, and I still got the I "just can't understand" bs.  They tell me to come to my uncle's to understand the Bible and that it all makes perfect sense if you do thinks like change the punctuation in certain spots or account for translation- most people are just too stupid to read it apparently.  They also say to everything I say "but you can't DISPROVE it".  Fine, true enough but I told them that they can't disprove I'm not a wizard or that the sun will not rise tomorrow-- then they told me to prove to them I'm a wizard--- uhhh... why would the burden of proof be on me if we're using the same logic??  You can't argue with these people.  I have been so tolerant of them, hell I even send my 5 year old to a Catholic school because there are no other private schools in our town and I like her to be exposed to a variety of beliefs but they just keep pushing and pushing.  I am getting less tolerant and I don't like it.  I have always been a very happy Atheist but they're turning me into a pissed off and bitter one. 
     So sorry to introduce myself on such an ugly note, I guess I just needed to vent to people who may understand what it is like to be judged by people who think they have all the answers.  I don't know why I can say that I don't have all the answers and still have so much peace within myself but they can't...

[Squid]

Welcome aboard. *opens arms for big group hug*

I feel your pain, I live in south Texas.  Hope you stick around and have a great time talking to all the awesome folks here.

[ThinkAnarchy]

Ahh, yes. The old, "you will find god again when your ready." My family does the same thing and they used to be more aggressive about it, until they realized how much it pissed me off, resulting in me responding aggressively. Now when they say it, it's in a passive and loving way, and I can simply respond, "maybe."

This may or may not work but I will relate it to you just in case. To get through to my family I had to stridently threaten to cut ties with them. I told them straight up that I will stop visiting if they insist on shoving their views down my throat every time. For about three months I held true to that promise. It wasn't wroth seeing them if I constantly had to be on the defensive. I eventually gave it another attempt and the problem had been rectified. When they say prayer before dinner I stop eating out of respect and sit silently and they no longer ask me to partake. When sensitive topics arise, we all seem better able to discuss them, although raised voices are a norm in my family.

It also took the same tactic for them to accept my wife into the family... I had to show them that I had essentially chosen her as the most important individual in my life, and that if they made me choose, the choice would be easy. They are now much nicer to her as a result (even if it's fake.)

What worked for me may very well not work for you though. I know my family better than an outsider just as you know yours. But if you think hard enough about your family members personalities, you may be able to change the family dynamic for everyones benefit.

I hope this is of some help in some way.

In conclusion, welcome to the Happy Atheist Forum where most of us aren't happy all the time.  

[Amicale]

A warm welcome to you! You're among friends here!!

*BIG huge hug!*

[Recusant]

  Hello and welcome to HAF, missourigal86. I'm sorry to hear that you're going through a rough patch (religiously motivated, no less  ) with your family. Your uncle sounds like a pain in the ass. I hope that you can keep your patience with them, and give them time to recover their senses; zealotry takes a fair amount of energy, and few are able to sustain it.

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[Dobermonster]

Hugs! Wheeee! *Uncomfortably-close-and-lengthy-for-an-acquaintance-huggle*

My family are much like yours. Or were, at least. We've reached something of a truce, which mostly involves me 'Mhming' and declining to participate in religious conversations. My best advice is this: Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries. If they refuse to respect yours, then you refuse to waste time and emotion in their presence. It sounds harsh, but every relationship needs boundaries . . . some people are just a little slower and need a little more negative reinforcement to realize where they are. If they value having you in their lives, then they will learn to respect the lines.

Good luck!

[Amicale]

I'll also add that sometimes, when someone goes totally gungho over something, they enter into a 'honeymoon phase' where they're so obsessed with their ideas that they can't stop talking about them. How long this phase lasts depends on the circumstances and how often they're being re-confirmed/egged-on in their beliefs, but generally speaking it does die down after a while to where it's not so nauseatingly unbearable.

This happened to my dad. After he left his family and found Jesus (in that exact order; convenient, so that he could blame his mistakes on his past 'ignorance without Christ, ha) he became a walking Bible on legs. Immediately, I put walls and boundaries up. He's now less gung-ho on at least the preaching front, but I'm grateful I put those walls up way back then. They helped me stay sane.

[Anne D.]

Welcome to the forum, missourigal. I'm sorry for your situation--it sounds incredibly difficult.

[Jimmy]

Welcome

So sorry to introduce myself on such an ugly note, I guess I just needed to vent to people who may understand what it is like to be judged by people who think they have all the answers.  I don't know why I can say that I don't have all the answers and still have so much peace within myself but they can't...

Don't worry about it, most of us have been there too and know the feeling. Hope you enjoy it here!

[Tank]

welcome aboard.

[OldGit]

It's so hard when there's a conflict between family and realism - as there so often is.  Come here and talk to us, we'll support you.  Big hug!

[En_Route]

Your folks  are right that the Bible is in need of typographical adjustment. it's called the delete button.

[Amicale]

Your folks  are right that the Bible is in need of typographical adjustment. it's called the delete button.

Or one of these, right smack dab on the front cover.

Of course, most of it was written long, long before 2,000 years ago, but the rest still holds. Missourigal86, feel like getting up to some fun mischief? 

[xSilverPhinx]

((Welcome!))

Set up those lines that they can't cross now, and if they continue to do so, then maybe something a little more drastic should be considered. If people want to be respected, they should earn it by respecting others.

What can I say, I'm a cynical person. I've spent too much time in the presence of people like that and worse.

I hope you resolve things amiably though, through talk.

[Firebird]

Welcome. I think you'll find this forum to be a very welcoming group. I hope it helps.
Out of curiosity, how much of an atheist was your stepfather before he began going to these Bible studies? I'm curious how far he swung from atheist/Hindu to this.