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Jesus v's Gandhi - bitch-slapping.

Started by Siz, November 06, 2011, 04:06:50 PM

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Siz

November 06, 2011, 04:06:50 PM
So, Gandhi is sitting down, having a silent protest about something-or-other and Jesus strolls past with his mates on their way back from the footie. Jesus, a bit pissed-up, bumbles into poor Gandhi, bowls him over and knocks off his glasses which smash as he rolls.
'Watch what you're doing you fucking hippy" says Gandhi, as he gets off the floor, all dusty and miffed.
"Who're you calling a hippy, you spekky twat" retorts Jesus, feeling all big cos he's got his mates with him.
Gandhi squares up. Jesus squares up.

There're gonna be bitch-slaps, sure enough, but who's gonna win?

When one sleeps on the floor one need not worry about falling out of bed - Anton LaVey

The universe is a cold, uncaring void. The key to happiness isn't a search for meaning, it's to just keep yourself busy with unimportant nonsense, and eventually you'll be dead!

DeterminedJuliet

#1
November 06, 2011, 04:11:49 PM
Depends, I think. Is this during one of Gandhi's hunger strikes?
"We've thought of life by analogy with a journey, with pilgrimage which had a serious purpose at the end, and the THING was to get to that end; success, or whatever it is, or maybe heaven after you're dead. But, we missed the point the whole way along; It was a musical thing and you were supposed to sing, or dance, while the music was being played.

Siz

#2
November 06, 2011, 04:18:02 PM
Quote from: DeterminedJuliet on November 06, 2011, 04:11:49 PM
Depends, I think. Is this during one of Gandhi's hunger strikes?

Let's say he's just had a chicken jalfrezi, peshwari naan and a couple pints of Kingfisher.

When one sleeps on the floor one need not worry about falling out of bed - Anton LaVey

The universe is a cold, uncaring void. The key to happiness isn't a search for meaning, it's to just keep yourself busy with unimportant nonsense, and eventually you'll be dead!

fester30

#3
November 06, 2011, 04:28:10 PM
I think it depends on what a spekky twat is.  Also uncertain about a footie and all pissed up.

Asmodean

#4
November 06, 2011, 04:39:41 PM
Gandhi's glasses are smashed..?

That's a point against him. Of course, Jesus, following his own teachings, would hafta' turn the other cheek...
Quote from: Ecurb Noselrub on July 25, 2013, 08:18:52 PM
In Asmo's grey lump,
wrath and dark clouds gather force.
Luxembourg trembles.

Siz

#5
November 06, 2011, 04:43:30 PM
Quote from: fester30 on November 06, 2011, 04:28:10 PM
I think it depends on what a spekky twat is.  Also uncertain about a footie and all pissed up.

Spekky = spectacle wearing (derogatory)
Twat = vagina/idiot (derogatory)
Footie = soccer
Pissed-up = drunk

When one sleeps on the floor one need not worry about falling out of bed - Anton LaVey

The universe is a cold, uncaring void. The key to happiness isn't a search for meaning, it's to just keep yourself busy with unimportant nonsense, and eventually you'll be dead!

Siz

#6
November 06, 2011, 04:45:36 PM
Quote from: Asmodean on November 06, 2011, 04:39:41 PM
Gandhi's glasses are smashed..?

That's a point against him. Of course, Jesus, following his own teachings, would hafta' turn the other cheek...

Yeah, but he's pissed-up and therefore a little punchy...

When one sleeps on the floor one need not worry about falling out of bed - Anton LaVey

The universe is a cold, uncaring void. The key to happiness isn't a search for meaning, it's to just keep yourself busy with unimportant nonsense, and eventually you'll be dead!

DeterminedJuliet

#7
November 06, 2011, 04:47:55 PM
Quote from: Scissorlegs on November 06, 2011, 04:18:02 PM
Quote from: DeterminedJuliet on November 06, 2011, 04:11:49 PM
Depends, I think. Is this during one of Gandhi's hunger strikes?

Let's say he's just had a chicken jalfrezi, peshwari naan and a couple pints of Kingfisher.

In that case, I think Gandhi could take him.
"We've thought of life by analogy with a journey, with pilgrimage which had a serious purpose at the end, and the THING was to get to that end; success, or whatever it is, or maybe heaven after you're dead. But, we missed the point the whole way along; It was a musical thing and you were supposed to sing, or dance, while the music was being played.

Siz

#8
November 06, 2011, 05:15:53 PM
Hmmm, how so? Don't you think Jesus has the edge on strength - carrying lumps of wood and stuff...?

When one sleeps on the floor one need not worry about falling out of bed - Anton LaVey

The universe is a cold, uncaring void. The key to happiness isn't a search for meaning, it's to just keep yourself busy with unimportant nonsense, and eventually you'll be dead!

DeterminedJuliet

#9
November 06, 2011, 05:33:17 PM Last Edit: November 06, 2011, 05:36:55 PM by DeterminedJuliet
Quote from: Scissorlegs on November 06, 2011, 05:15:53 PM
Hmmm, how so? Don't you think Jesus has the edge on strength - carrying lumps of wood and stuff...?

Well, as you recall, he couldn't carry the cross without falling down multiple times.

My rationale for Gandhi's win is as follows:

1) He trained as a lawyer, which proves his psychological ruthlessness
2) He was thrown off a train and beaten numerous times throughout his life, so he can obviously take a physical beating and keep on trucking
3) He participated in the Zulu war and spear-headed a recruitment campaign for the first World War, showing there are causes that he is willing to condone physical violence for

Finally, I leave you with this quote: "It is better to be violent, if there is violence in our hearts, than to put on the cloak of nonviolence to cover impotence." - Gandhi

He could seriously kick some ass if he wanted to.

EDIT
"We've thought of life by analogy with a journey, with pilgrimage which had a serious purpose at the end, and the THING was to get to that end; success, or whatever it is, or maybe heaven after you're dead. But, we missed the point the whole way along; It was a musical thing and you were supposed to sing, or dance, while the music was being played.

OldGit

#10
November 06, 2011, 05:45:38 PM
I have a horrible feeling that there's going to be an answer to this one, in the form of a punch-line with a dreadful pun.

xSilverPhinx

#11
November 06, 2011, 05:48:07 PM
Gandhi! Unless Jesus is a hypocrite and doesn't turn the other cheek...
I am what survives if it's slain - Zack Hemsey

DeterminedJuliet

#12
November 06, 2011, 05:51:25 PM
I'd also like to add that Jesus is always getting his father involved. Do you ever hear of Gandhi getting his dad to fight his battles for him? No, you do not.
"We've thought of life by analogy with a journey, with pilgrimage which had a serious purpose at the end, and the THING was to get to that end; success, or whatever it is, or maybe heaven after you're dead. But, we missed the point the whole way along; It was a musical thing and you were supposed to sing, or dance, while the music was being played.

OldGit

#13
November 06, 2011, 05:52:49 PM
Well. you can't kill Jesus, he keeps getting up again.

xSilverPhinx

#14
November 06, 2011, 05:54:35 PM
Quote from: DeterminedJuliet on November 06, 2011, 05:51:25 PM
I'd also like to add that Jesus is always getting his father involved. Do you ever hear of Gandhi getting his dad to fight his battles for him? No, you do not.

Classic "my dad is stronger than your dad" tactic.
I am what survives if it's slain - Zack Hemsey

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