Going public?

[User192021]

The only people I have told to date about my atheism are my immediate family and a few close friends.  Have any of you actually told people you don't know very well about your atheism?  I'm talking about parties, work, etc...  If so, what reactions have you gotten?  

I haven't avoided the topic out of fear of a debate - I'm quite confident in my ability to defend my position against anybody.  However, my experience so far, mostly online and also with my family, has been that when it comes to the topic of god, most people are not capable of having a reasonable conversation.  I think as atheists, we are so used to thinking and talking about this issue that we forget that many people don't spend much time thinking or talking about it and challenging their beliefs (even if it's just stating that you don't believe in god), can take them to a place they've never been before.  It seems like normally mild mannered people can become highly emotional and irrational when attempting to defend their faith, even when it's not being attacked.  So I guess, it's just easier to avoid the confrontation and at the same time avoid changing the way some people might view me.  Thoughts?

[Whitney]

I choose to avoid talking about anything related to religion at work.  If someone brings it up I'll make a brief yet honest reply and sound disintereted in the discussion.

I haven't run into any situation where someone I don't know well has wanted to discuss religion with me.  The closest case was at our wedding where the minister realized I wasn't a believer when I refused his offer of prayer time (I thought I had made it clear enough to him before, apparently not).  He acted surprised and quit insisting after I said no and I"m sure for the 3rd time (I probably looked really annoyed too).  He meant well (I couldn't breathe in my dress and was nervous since we were running late) but really should have backed off when I originally said no.

[Doubting Thomas29]

I feel that it is important to keep the peace in public and not talk about that stuff in public, only like with close friends really.

[rlrose328]

If and when the subject presents itself, I don't shy away from it, regardless how well I know the person.  It comes up frequently at my son's school (the first question they seem to ask people is "What church do you go to?") and at scrapbooking events (a craft that appeals to religious folk), so I have a button on my scrapbooking gear that says, "Just another soulless atheist searching for world peace." and a second one that says, "Proud to be everything the conservative religious right hates."

I've yet to run into ANYONE who has a real problem with me and my (non-)beliefs.  The other moms at school are totally cool with it (even asked me if I minded that the December field trip is to a theater to see "A Christmas Carol"), but most knew me fairly well before it circulated.  I got a lot of "you're too nice to be an atheist."  

I don't work outside the home... but I've applied for a city job, so we'll see what happens there.  I don't introduce myself with "Hi, I'm Kerri and I'm an atheist" but if the subject comes up, I won't lie... I go for quietly acknowledging and moving on.

[Tom62]

I don't promote that I'm an atheist. That is hardly necessary, because approx 40% of all people in Germany and the Netherlands are either agnostic or atheist. I've never encountered someone who has a problem with my non-believes.

[Mister Joy]

I don't advertise my agnosticism, but I've got a large social circle where word spreads fast and it's probably common knowledge that I'm not religious. In fact it would probably have been generally assumed anyway, since most of them aren't either.

Response wise, no one has ever confronted me about it save for when I lived in the States when I was a kid. This fundamentalist, yet friendly on the whole, home schooling chum of my mum's pulled me aside to give me the whole condescending indoctrination bit. Apparently didn't have the nerve to confront an adult about my 'false upbringing' or whatever... actually no, she probably did that too. I never told my mother about her chat with me though. I didn't want to expose poor Rita to her true bad side & funny as it would have been to watch my mother talk a fundamentalist Christian into a blubbering infantile wreck with tears rolling down their face - which she managed with my one time primary school headmaster over his attitude towards single parents, just to give you an idea of how wonderfully malicious she's capable of being - the woman meant well.

I spend much more time defending my Christian friends than I do defending myself, actually. They tend to be the ones who get all the crap thrown at them by the more openly opinionated atheists. And I mean crap, not rational or reasonable argument.

[rlrose328]

Oh, I DID forget... last year, we tried carpooling to school with a family nearby.  After a week, we met for a playdate.  I knew she was religious... lots of bible verses around the room, on the coffee cup, etc.  I told her I wasn't religious (didn't say the "A" word) and we talked about it.  She was very open, flexible, accepting, etc.

But... the following week, she back out of carpooling saying she missed picking up her son.  She was more ecstatic than *I* was when we started.

Anyway, the last day we carpooled, I was buckling my son in and her then-7yo son leaned over to me and said, quite agitatedly, "GOD IS REAL!  HE IS!  I pray to him all the time!  You're going to hell!"

I smiled, nodded, and said, "Yes, I know you believe that." and I stood up... his mom was mortified, apologizing all over herself, saying, "I thought I could trust him not to say anything."  Yeah, 7 year olds, especially those who have been so thoroughly brainwashed, always know when to keep things quiet.  :roll:

We've talked since then, never about that incident and her son has never mentioned it again.  Brendan said the son DID grill him several times during lunch and recess and he just kept telling the kid he didn't want to talk about it.  (He calls himself an atheist, but he really has no clue what any of it is all about, even though we've read the bible with him... he's of the "Jesus is a Zombie" mindset.)

[tigerlily46514]

User, i can deeplly empathisize with your your feelings.  You explained your pat history with encountering theists very well, i knew just what you meant, been there myself.  


I have encountered outright hostility and rage from theists. You are right, sometimes is IS the very very first time they have ever encountered an atheist.

When i was younger i was fairly out, but grew weary of the hostility the topic generated.   Maybe it was just worsse 30 years ago...???......i was the only atheist i ever heard of back then.....

 You cannot win with a theist, nor even gain respect for the fact your thinking is valid and you do have a right to it.

  I have definately encountered many who are not close to me but VERY MUCH wanna debate religion with me, co-workers, patients, patient families, just anyone, there are many who feel a passion about their religion, feel an obligation to convert you, and then get provoked at the very idea you are not in their boat......  

SO now i am pretty much in the closet, and side step the whole issue without betraying my thoughts either, though.  i won't sell out, but i don't out myself much.   It is just not worth the hostility of theists ......it is a waste of breath.....But lately i am getting a little bit braver again....

It is stunning to watch theists deteriorate into hostility and frustration.....many have never had to defend  their ideas before EVER.....

...i envy those who post they live in areas where being out is accepted, when in so many places, being out is taking on the wrath of unreasonable theists......

Rose, love the 7 year old story!  wow!  bah ha ha!!  You are going to hell !!!! i mean it!!!  in a handbasket, too!!!!    

[Bella]

Politics, religion, abortion... those are all topics that most people avoid. Unless the person completely agrees with you, it can get pretty ugly. However, when someone asks me what religion I am, I tell them. I haven't had a problem with it... but I'm also surrounded by relatively open-minded people. It's also on my myspace, so they have warning if they see that.

[User192021]

You cannot win with a theist, nor even gain respect for the fact your thinking is valid and you do have a right to it.

  I have definately encountered many who are not close to me but VERY MUCH wanna debate religion with me, co-workers, patients, patient families, just anyone, there are many who feel a passion about their religion, feel an obligation to convert you, and then get provoked at the very idea you are not in their boat......  

SO now i am pretty much in the closet, and side step the whole issue without betraying my thoughts either, though.  i won't sell out, but i don't out myself much.   It is just not worth the hostility of theists ......it is a waste of breath.....But lately i am getting a little bit braver again....

Agreed.  When I first "became" atheist (I suppose a better way of wording that would be "when I first realized I was an atheist"), I wanted to take on the world.  I wanted people to know what I knew.  I even went on Yahoo voice chat and challenged Christians in Christian chat rooms.  I agreed with Richard Dawkins that if more atheists started "coming out", then eventually people will realize that we're not so bad afterall and the extreme reaction we seem to get from people will hopefully lessen.  I was the "militant atheist".

I will still tell the truth if asked directly, but I am less willing to jump into a conversation about religion and I rarely tell anybody on my own that I am an atheist unless I'm fairly confident they won't freak out.  It's not the hostility or push back that really gets under my skin though.  The thing that bothers me more than anything else about discussing religion with a believer is the condescension.  Being told that they feel sorry for me because I don't have a relationship with god is incredibly aggrivating and really highlights a fundamental difference in perspective.

I've noticed that arguing religion with people is different from arguing politics, sports, social issues, etc...  It's more personal.  Most people will not change their mind no matter what arguments you give.  No matter how good a job you do of backing them into an intellectual corner, even if you leave them speechless and they have all but agreed with your position, at the end of the day it really is just a waste of breath.  So now I just try to set a good example on behalf of my atheist brothers and sisters and have the attitude that "If people wanna be crazy, let them be crazy.  It's not my job to save the world."

[JoelWildtree]

I've noticed that arguing religion with people is different from arguing politics, sports, social issues, etc...  It's more personal.  Most people will not change their mind no matter what arguments you give.  No matter how good a job you do of backing them into an intellectual corner, even if you leave them speechless and they have all but agreed with your position, at the end of the day it really is just a waste of breath.  So now I just try to set a good example on behalf of my atheist brothers and sisters and have the attitude that "If people wanna be crazy, let them be crazy.  It's not my job to save the world."

I completely agree here. Nobody really *wants* to lose a debate, even if they see much reason in the counter arguments. But when it comes to personal beliefs, especially ones that give people meaning and a purpose, they absolutely will not leave their position. They are standing up for something beyond reason and rationality and the only reason they entered the debate is to hopefully bring the other side down to the same level of non-reason, hopefully get you to "experience" truth rather than intellectually approach it. So yes, I've tried my hand at Christian forums and chatrooms and it's not worth the trouble. For the same reason I don't debate Christians in social situations either .. but if someone does inquire about my beliefs, or make the default assumption that I'm a believer, I will correct them kindly.

[jcm]

I tend to avoid the subject all together in social situations. Mostly because I think about it way too much and it is too time consuming. Your belief about God does not really have any place at work or in the public arena anyway. I only talk about my belief when I am directly asked.

[Will]

If someone asks, I'm honest. I don't open with it on speed dates or anything, but I'm open about it. If it's something that's going to bother them, it's better to get it out of the way quickly, really. I try to be as honest as possible without being disrespectful and rude, though. I don't say, "believers suffer from delusions or groupthink, and they should be in the DSM 5 under having mental illness."

[jcm]

I don't say, "believers suffer from delusions or groupthink, and they should be in the DSM 5 under having mental illness."

I think you just did.

[Will]

Not to their faces. Heh. I usually save that for fellow atheists or myself.

The reality, in my mind, is that religion should be considered either a form of delusion (actual belief that they've seen god) or groupthink (saying they've actually seen god to be a part of the group) from what I understand of each.