On the Courage and Foolishness of Being Vulnerable

[Kylyssa]

I'll preface this post by mentioning I'm running a fever of 103.8 degrees and I've been sleep-deprvied for nearly a week due to pain issues.  So be warned that it might not make a damned bit of sense.

I get a lot of hate mail.  Most of it is pretty generic but sometimes it is very cutting and sometimes even aimed below the belt.

Not too long ago, I posted a personal story about trauma affecting my judgment by causing me to have flashbacks a triggering activity.  Someone sent me a foul email using information from that post.  It was threatening and cruel.  It wasn't the first time something like that happned but it caused me to consider the foolishness of sharing anything that could attract and sharpen an emotional attack.

The contact alone was triggering and I'm sure the writer knew it.  But you know, on consideration, it makes me want to be able to track the real contact information of these hate mail senders down, not so I can be cruel back to them, but to maybe to offer them some help.  I've suffered a lot of pain in my life, both physical and emotional, and I've sometimes lashed out at people who were in the wrong place at the wrong time but I can't imagine what degree of pain it takes to seek out people to lash out at.    

But there's also something else, I think that sometimes, it is necessary to share things which make us vulnerable to the attacks of those whose empathy has been burnt away by suffering or indoctrination.  People are sometimes helped by painful personal revelations so I think so that fact sometimes outweighs the potential of emotional attack.  

I've made a kind of decision to let myself be foolishly vulnerable when I think it might help someone in some way, be it though building understanding or more directly by spurring positive action.

So, do you think do that allowing oneself to be vulnerable by sharing painful personal experiences is foolish or courageous or some combination of both?

[Will]

You have to manage these things by stepping back and regaining your perspective.

I have an eating disorder. I've had this disorder since I was in the 4th grade and I was fat in high school because of it. Moobs-level fat. The fact that I exercise regularly and eat well now doesn't change the fact that I do slip occasionally and eat an entire package of cookies or a bowl of melted cheese. A big bowl. I had really poor self-esteem issues and sought the empty comfort of food. My esteem is better now, but when I have a bad day or something hurts me, I get that urge. If something terrible happened to me tomorrow like the death of a family member, odds are 50/50 that in 6 months I'd be overweight again.

This is one of my biggest personal vulnerabilities. If I wrote about this somewhere and some douchebag decided to show me old Xanga pictures from when I was fat, calling me names, telling me I belong on the cookie aisle, I can say with confidence that it would only bother me for a moment because even though I'm still working on fixing myself, I'm proud of who I've become. I'm not proud in an egocentric or boastful way, but a healthy way. For the most part, I've mastered my disorder. I took my dog on an hour-long walk this morning and lifted weights this afternoon and both of those stand as victories in my ongoing battle.

Kylyssa, you have a lot to be proud of. You've overcome hardship I can't begin to imagine to become strong. I may not know you personally, but I think I know your strength. You're so much better than these small, sad people. That's why they try to tear you down wish such effort, because your strength highlights their own weakness. The best way to respond to them is to take a breath, step back and regain your perspective.

[Tank]

Before the Internet and blogs/forums there would have been no real world equivalent to what you did. You are thus entering new levels of emotional vulnerability. If you reveal an issue to a trusted confidant then you would not be opening yourself up to such a situation. The issue here is being open with people you do not know and there will always be the one nutter who gets their kicks being nasty. Now if you know or assume you're going to get nasty feedback then you are at least prepared for it. What you have to do is the gain vs the pain.

I have been open in the past about aspect of my life when I thought I was among friends on a forum. It was a huge mistake. I keep my mouth shut tight now as there are some nasty people out there and the gain really did not outweigh the pain for me. But you have to make your own evaluation and do as you see fit.

[LARA]

Kylyssa, I think you've already shown your courage by writing about your personal experiences openly.  That takes some guts.  But are you wanting to reach out to someone that sends you hate mail?  I might be reading you wrong, but if that is your direction here, then don't do it.  Don't acknowledge them, or email them back or contact them, but do save the emails and report any kind of threats.  I don't think it's worth the risk to try to help someone whose goal is simply to cause  you harm, and most likely they will not be accepting of your help, anyway.  My apologies if this wasn't what you meant or you had no intention of contacting them.  I just hate to see very good people let their empathy put them in harms way for others who really aren't worth it.  The hater needs to grow up and get over it.  Hopefully they can work out their issues on their own or get some help from someone.

[Guardian85]

I have had serious issues with haters and hecklers in the past. It almost broke me. But I pulled through. And learned something about them .

A hater is almost always a loser. They have a lack of confidence in themselves that they will not admit to, and therefore go out to find someone they percieve as weaker then they are in order to assert their supposed superiority over someone. It is a way for them to feel better about themselves by attempting to dominate someone else.

The best way to deal with them is to remember that they are losers, full of a certain brown substance, and ignore them.

[fester30]

I think the title of this post should be shortened to "On the Courage of Being Vulnerable."  Foolishness doesn't always take courage.  Choosing to be vulnerable by putting your insecurities, faults, or emotional trauma out there takes courage, in my opinion.  Any time you put yourself out there in any walk of life, you're taking the chance that your effort will be stepped on.  These things are part of a transition toward greater wellness.  You will get stepped on and set back sometimes, but other times you will find strength in a kind word from a well-meaning person.  If you aren't in therapy, I definitely suggest it.  We are having a lot of success with it in the military now that the military has recognized that PTSD and traumatic brain injury are real, and therapy really helps.

I don't think it was stupid or foolish to put yourself out there.  However, now that you have been bit by it, it's a lesson that you can't do it in that way again, but have to use other methods.  Just don't stop talking about it.

[Guardian85]

I think the title of this post should be shortened to "On the Courage of Being Vulnerable."  Foolishness doesn't always take courage.  Choosing to be vulnerable by putting your insecurities, faults, or emotional trauma out there takes courage, in my opinion.  Any time you put yourself out there in any walk of life, you're taking the chance that your effort will be stepped on.  These things are part of a transition toward greater wellness.  You will get stepped on and set back sometimes, but other times you will find strength in a kind word from a well-meaning person.  If you aren't in therapy, I definitely suggest it.  We are having a lot of success with it in the military now that the military has recognized that PTSD and traumatic brain injury are real, and therapy really helps.

I don't think it was stupid or foolish to put yourself out there.  However, now that you have been bit by it, it's a lesson that you can't do it in that way again, but have to use other methods.  Just don't stop talking about it.

What he said...
The fool is always the one who tries to step on you.