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Hi, I'm a closet atheist from Idaho

Started by none123, July 05, 2010, 05:36:16 PM

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none123

Hi, I'm a closet atheist. (That's why I have a lame username, so can't be tracked to anything else I do). Just came here because all my friends and family are all very religious and have to just go along with their beliefs cause my parents would either disown me, and hassle me constantly, not let me hang out with my younger brother's etc. And my wife's family would all talk bad non stop behind my back like they did about her uncle that for awhile left the church. So I have just gone with the flow figuring that was easier, but I want to stop cause I only have 30-40 maybe less years of life and don't want to waste it, cause my church takes up pretty much all my time on sunday plus time during the week, and with work don't have much free time left. Have tried to come out to my wife only, but she got very upset, crying, thinking I'm not going to raise our son right, etc. So this is my only outlet into sanity.  :crazy:

Thumpalumpacus

Welcome to the forum, sorry to hear of your constrained circumstances.
Illegitimi non carborundum.

The Black Jester

Welcome!  I'm so sorry to hear of your difficulties!
The Black Jester

"Religion is institutionalised superstition, science is institutionalised curiosity." - Tank

"Confederation of the dispossessed,
Fearing neither god nor master." - Killing Joke

http://theblackjester.wordpress.com

Tank

Welcome to the forum. Being in the UK we don't have the problems you have as often as you appear to have in America. Hope we can help with your sanity.

Useful links for new members
Mission Statement Why this place is here.
Forum Rules More of a set of guidelines really, upset Whitney (She who must be obeyed) and you'll find the exit door very quickly!
How do I use the quote feature? If you are new to forums this is an important feature to understand. The maximum number of nested quotes is 3.
Help desk. Any problems this is where to ask them.
What's on your mind today? The general chit chat thread.
Somewhere to discuss the fear of dying. Many ex-theists have to come to terms with death, this is a place to discuss this issue.
How to tell your family you are an atheist. Some suggestions about how to deal with this thorny issue.
Parenting Beyond Belief. The forum for discussing how to raise your children 'Faith Free'.
.
If religions were TV channels atheism is turning the TV off.
"Religion is a culture of faith; science is a culture of doubt." ― Richard P. Feynman
'It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life.' - Terry Pratchett
Remember, your inability to grasp science is not a valid argument against it.

Cecilie

The world's what you create.

Davin

Welcome to HAF, funny thing coincidence, I have a little brother in a very similar situation (even down to living in Idaho), however not as severe. The situation with his wife and her family is the same, but our parents, while very religious, won't disown us... at least not the half of us that had already stated that we're atheists.

Welcome to the forums.
Always question all authorities because the authority you don't question is the most dangerous... except me, never question me.

pinkocommie

Welcome to the forum!  I hope you find what you're looking for here.  :)
Ubi dubium ibi libertas: Where there is doubt, there is freedom.
http://alliedatheistalliance.blogspot.com/

The Magic Pudding

Quote from: "none123"cause my church takes up pretty much all my time on sunday plus time during the week, and with work don't have much free time left.
I thought god said people had to work six days,
the seventh was for leisure.
But if people are given time to themselves,
they might start thinking for themselves.
Can't have that.
Wellcome.

none123

Quote from: "Davin"Welcome to HAF, funny thing coincidence, I have a little brother in a very similar situation (even down to living in Idaho), however not as severe. The situation with his wife and her family is the same, but our parents, while very religious, won't disown us... at least not the half of us that had already stated that we're atheists.

Welcome to the forums.
When I started reading it, I thought maybe you were one of my brother's posting this  lol.

Is there any other closet atheists here?  I don't know how much longer I can be one. I had a family gathering this past weekend, and one of the people were telling a story that someone on their facebook was gay, and I hear comments like "that is so unfortunate" and "how sad" and someone saying that is the worst thing that could happen to someone in their family. And I can't stand the intolerance, but my family's religion that I go to, expects you to be intolerant of homosexuals, but I am completely tolerant and think they can live their lives however they want, if it doesn't harm anyone else why does it matter. But if I speak up, then they ask why I don't think being gay is terrible, and I have to tell them I am an atheist and then all my fears come true.  So I just sit in silence, mad that they say it like they expect everyone there to feel the same hate.

notself

Continue to go with the flow and try slowly to modify the flow.  I am a closet atheist to my family.  I have slowly made them slightly more tolerant of social issues but I really don't expect them to change.  I have one advantage over you, my spouse is an atheist.  I can vent when you can't.

You can also watch for opportunities in other areas.  It may take a year or two in this economy, but moving to a different town than the rest of parents may help.

rlrose328

Welcome!  I feel your pain.  I was there once.  After my Dad died 5 years ago, I "came out" to my very religious mother.  Unfortunately, her memory has been a little broken for years now, so she didn't always remember our initial conversation, so each year, I had to relive it.  Not pleasant for either of us.  But I refused to play that game with people any longer.  It was such a lie to live that way and I wanted to live my life on MY terms and not wonder when I'm 60 what would have happened if I'd said something.

Luckily, in my case, it worked out.  My mom, while being a very religious woman, rarely says she prays for me.  She doesn't understand my choice but acknowledges that it's my choice to make (yeah, a little pompous, but that's just how it sounds).  I also have a very supportive spouse who is a very fallen Catholic who, in fact, credits his Jesuit priest instructors at his Catholic high school with his atheism.

In your case, I honestly don't know what I'd do.  I'm not good at keeping my mouth shut when confronted with idiocy and when people push their mythology as "fact" so I'd probably blow a gasket in less than a week.  It's uncomfortable for me to even spend a weekend with my good friends at the beach house when we got for scrapbooking weekends.  They all end up talking about their churches and the great events they have and inevitably get to the prayer part.  It is hard to keep quiet but somehow, I mostly manage it.  Even if I DO say something, they all know me well enough to not take offense.

So... um... bottom line is I wish I had answers for you.  :-)
**Kerri**
The Rogue Atheist Scrapbooker
Come visit me on Facebook!


Argie

Well I had some issues with my wife, and still do, when I told her I became an atheist...she had the same argument "that we wouldnn´t breed our son the right way"... we´ve come to an arrangement that we would present our son with each  side of the story and then let him decide.  So my boy gets her mother´s cathechism readings and my Nicomachean Ethics readings... if all goes as I´d like to he will be an atheist too. I´ve found you don´t need religion to kno right from wrong, or virtuosity from vice.

Wellcome buddy.