The default theme for this site has been updated. For further information, please take a look at the announcement regarding HAF changing its default theme.

Main Menu


Started by atheist101, April 29, 2009, 04:56:17 AM

Previous topic - Next topic


okay so im out lookin for some help from people that i know have gone through the same as me

so i was born agnostic and not going to church, my family never talked about god or anything so it was no big part of my life and i didn't really think about it much. it wasn't until grade school that i seriously started considering it. it took me about 2 years to fully come to decision. now its a huge part of my life, im just not able to picture a world with a god, its beyond insane. i am a tolerant atheist so i could care less what anybody is as long as they dont bother me about it. yeah i got picked on and everything, oh i forgot to mention im in the bible belt, SC, but it takes a lot to offend me because i dont really care and i know that when they make fun of me in anyway regarding my belief it makes them look bad. i've also found out that "most" people that pick on me about it know that it doesn't bother me and aren't looking to hurt me, but its those people that are so ignorant and refer to everything evil or bad as atheist. they dont even know what it means (these are the ones that dont know that i am atheist, i am fully open about it because i dont lie about who i am) they have just been thought that its bad. that is where my beliefs come in. i dont say anything because i know that with a majority or christians around i will only be persecuted more because that is what they want me to do, they want me to lash out at them so that i look bad.

but none of this is why i come looking for help

so all through out highschool the majority of girls that have liked me have been very christian, why? i dont know, but so far its like 90% of them are very christian, but when i start to like one of them they turn and say that they cant date me because i dont believe the same as me. it hurts, especially when im lied to about it by my gf and she breaks up with me because we dont believe the same when she said she didn't care before. most of the time when this happens i just dismiss it. most of them are quiet and timid, which isn't me at all. all was good until i met this one girl... the first second we started talking we connected on a bond so deep it was crazy, like i dont even know, i've liked her for so long and i never imagined that i would actually be where i am now and having her really really like me. she tells me a yesterday that she cant date a non christian as it says in the book she considers holy... we can go on dates every now and then but she's not allowed to steadly date me. unlike all the others that i just blew off this one hit home and struck deep. i asked if she would go out with me if i was christian and she says she would within a heartbeat... that is what hurts the most, knowing that i was soooo close to having something wanted so bad only to be stopped by something like my beliefs. i wasn't sure how things would go when i went back to school but today we were inseparable. she still really really likes me but we cant date... as i said before atheism is a huge part of who i am... but now my mind is wonderin... it wants to go try church and maybe even lie about being christian so that we can date (i cant stand lying)... but my body and soul are strongly resisting the thought.. its very intimidating..
im thinking about sitting down with her and telling her whats on my mind and that i will try church but i dont know what will come of it
i know that we aren't going to be getting married (most likely, i dont like deciding the future) so i know there will be other girls to deal with but for now she is all i want
should i go to church with her and say a white lie?
or just be good friends when we both want much more but cant and hold on to what makes me me?

these's also the fact that my friends all know that im atheist and know what i means to me so they will probably question me about it and not believe me and not want to because thats what makes me so different than everybody else. she is friends with all of my friends and they will most likely tell her stuff like that im faking and stuff..

i just dont know what to make of the situation...
sorry this is so long, its now most of my stuff turns out to be
if you do read it all thanks

!oh and i fucking hate how Christian gets to be capitalized in the dictionary and not atheist and agnostic or anything else :upset:


Hey, I've never been attracted to anyone in such a way that I was willing to lie to them to be with them, so take what I say with however much salt you think that entails.  I would not deliberately put myself in a state of dissonance, and that seems to be what you're going to do to be with this girl.  The outcome is either that you'll live uncomfortably or learn to live a lie.  And regardless, it is eventually going to get complicated, with friends who think you're lying, a sweetheart who believes/hopes you're not, and the everpresent possibility of a breakup or engagement on the horizon.  Start lying to her and I don't see any good way for it to end.  Life isn't a romantic comedy.

Welcome to the forums.  Sorry 'bout the manner of your joining and the manner of my welcome.
If sin may be committed through inaction, God never stopped.

My soul, do not seek eternal life, but exhaust the realm of the possible.
-- Pindar


Hi, welcome to the forum.

My advice is to never compromise your own views just to make someone else happy.  It's one thing to bite your tongue when necessary but yet another to have to lie about your views.  If she really likes you, she'll like you for who you are.  If I were you, at most I'd agree to is going to church with her, but make it clear that I didn't plan on becoming a believer.  Of course, only do that if you can stand sitting through a church service without wanting to make comments.  Like you said, there will be other girls.  It sucks that she'd pass over you due to religion, but it could have just as easily been for other equally silly reasons (like how a lot of high school kids won't date people who aren't in the right social group).


Hi, welcome to the Forum.

On topic, I haven't been in a situation like that yet but Fsck that chick makes me Rage and I don't even know who she is. People not giving people a chance for silly reasons really grind my gears. Then again, to most believers, Religion is Serious Business so ._.

Anyway, If she truly likes you, she would like you for who you are, not for what you believe or don't believe in. Whitney’s beat me to it but you could just go to the church with her if it’ll make her happy, it’s what I’m doing for my Mum. Just because you’re an Atheist doesn’t mean you’re instantly not allowed to go to the churches :P


I'd look for compromise. Tell her that you're just not a religious person, but you'll go to church with her once if it'll make her feel better.

S'not like it'll make any difference. I actually know a few atheists who regularly go to church simply for the encouragement (it's Unitarian or something). Relationships are all about compromise, anyway. Get used to it. :D


Welcome Atheist101.

I was in a very similar position a little over a year ago. It actually became the reason I joined this forum. Being English, I was raised in a secular fashion and was allowed to make up my own mind as to what I wanted to believe. Needless to say, I didn't buy into the god thing from an early age. I'd never been confronted with a theist vs. atheist predicament before.

So, to cut a long story short, I started dating a work colleague whom I was utterly besotted with. We'd had a number of dates before she revealed to me she was a christian. Our friendship took a very different route from that point on. I guess she wanted to see whether I would open up to religion. I made it quite clear from the outset that I was a firm believer in fact, not superstition, although i did make it very clear that no matter what her belief was, i still thought she was a beautiful, intelligent, articulate, kind and generous person whom i liked very much. Anywhoo, it ended very badly. She told me she liked me more than she'd liked anyone in ages but was unable to be with me because of my lack of faith (I have a sneaking suspicion she was telling me what her mother had told her to say). Needless to say, i was heartbroken and angry. Religion had got in the way of my happiness. Within a month I left that job and moved to the other side of the country. In hindsight, it obviously affected me a lot more than I care to admit because writing this is really pissing me off...

Man, I'm still really bitter about it.

So, I'm really sorry for your predicament because there is no real easy way round it. Your lady friend has been conditioned to have nothing to do with people who believe differently from her cult. If you can both come to a compromise, that would be awesome. Try for that, at least. In my case though, I was absolutely and positively unwilling to compromise. I'm not going to become less atheist just for a girl, even if they are ridiculously hot and have gravity defying breasts.

Come to think of it, I think I graduated from atheism to antitheism because of her... Damn.  :(
QuoteI find it mistifying that in this age of information, some people still deny the scientific history of our existence.


haha thanks
yeah i mean its not like she wont talk to me because im atheist
we flirt soooo much, talkin about makin out and spending time together
we are basically going out just.. not.. you know?

im scared to go
mostly because i would be going with her parents there sooo... yeah, they are really strict about this kind of stuff
and im scared of the gazes i will get if i dont know what to do or anything
im hopin that i do good enough at church so that they dont expect that im atheist and if they find out or something then i hope they get to know me and like me enough to get past that
im really good with parents
they love me

ill let her know when i sit and talk about going to church with her that im am truly terrified (ill tell her why)
i know she will really appreciate that im tryin
we may not still go out but either way i think it will be a good experience

i think i will be able to keep my mouth shut
im used to people talkin about god and stuff
i just say what i need to say in my head
who knows it may turn out to be fun
ill let you know if im about to implode
then i may go off on a rant
but hey its better to go off on here than any of my friends and especially the girl!!