Why does my wiener get big?

[Asmodean]

Screaming obscenities in their face. Would that work? 

If not, you could try accusing them of child abuse by willful miseducation.

If that fails, refer to step one, I guess..?

Seriously, though, I see your point and I despise the fact that I do. I also absolutely detest saying what I'm about to say, but I do fully stand by it; this ought not be an issue in the first place.

[Pasta Chick]

Some kid has to be first, though. And I guess it's somewhat dependent on the kid... My parents told me not to run my mouth off at school, so I didn't. My best friend at the time got "the talk" just a few months after I did, and wanted to discuss in detail. Of course she knew a lot of older kids too and I was not the first one she talked to, and there was some pretty wild stuff mixed in there. My parents also told me that would likely happen and to bring any questions back to them if something didn't sound right, so I did.

Also related - if he's a reader, and more so reading above his grade level, he's going to learn a lot from books. My friends had passages in junior lit highlighted for sharing by 9 or 10. I read The Basketball Diaries around the same age and was reading adult lit shortly after... I read pretty much anything I could get my hands on, which included some of those weird Fabio-covered "romances" from the 80s. Much of which was likely even less healthy than talking to peers, between all the actual rape, non-con and slumming it with randos on drugs.

Also I would wear Trasfomers underwear all. Day. Long. I should open an etsy shop making dorky sexy undies - that'd probably do really well. 

[Steeler]

As was pointed out before, I subscribe to honesty being the correct approach.

A crash course in human anatomy and... Take it from there 

The only drawback to this is that kids talk in school. If you tell your kid be damn sure you have the fall back plan for when the other kids parents shun you at the next school visit for 'despoiling my little Jane/John!' 

Exactly my fear! Understand that my child has a vocabulary that must include at least one of the following words per sentence:
Fart
Poop
Butt
Wiener

[Tank]

As was pointed out before, I subscribe to honesty being the correct approach.

A crash course in human anatomy and... Take it from there 

The only drawback to this is that kids talk in school. If you tell your kid be damn sure you have the fall back plan for when the other kids parents shun you at the next school visit for 'despoiling my little Jane/John!' 

Exactly my fear! Understand that my child has a vocabulary that must include at least one of the following words per sentence:
Fart
Poop
Butt
Wiener

You're deep in the shit. Good luck 

[Asmodean]

As was pointed out before, I subscribe to honesty being the correct approach.

A crash course in human anatomy and... Take it from there 

The only drawback to this is that kids talk in school. If you tell your kid be damn sure you have the fall back plan for when the other kids parents shun you at the next school visit for 'despoiling my little Jane/John!' 

Exactly my fear! Understand that my child has a vocabulary that must include at least one of the following words per sentence:
Fart
Poop
Butt
Wiener

Truly blessed by The Asmo, that one. 

Teach him that virtually any noun in plural can mean boobs, knockers, melons, bells, etc if you say it in a certain way and/or context. 

Also, a rich vocabulary is a good vocabulary. May The Asmo recommend expanding the list of commonly referenced bodily fluids and organs producing such? 

[Dave]

Teach him that virtually any noun in plural can mean boobs, knockers, melons, bells, etc if you say it in a certain way and/or context. 

"Wow! Just watch those asmos bobble!"

Hmm, naw, doesn't work for me.

"Fine pair of tanks those."

Better.

[xSilverPhinx]

Transformers underwear or not, IMO it's best he hears about sex from you. My father's cousin, who was 15 at the time, told me when I was around your son's age and I remember thinking it was all very strange and feeling stupid for believing that babies were bought in warehouse stores.

[Siz]

I think this was just a case of morning wood due to having to pee. He was trying to figure out why sometimes is small and sometimes big. It was pretty funny cuz he was so serious with the question. I just tried to blow it off real quick telling him sometimes that happens when ya gotta pee. Lmao

So now you've created a taboo around the subject and let him know that he can't trust you for an honest answer.

In my experience with an 8 y/o boy (about 4 years ago) absolute honesty is an immunisation against playground bullshit. So when the dicks at school start talking about stuff that their parents didn't/won't explain, your son can be in total control.

I have nothing but positive things to say about honesty in matters that most consider taboo - drugs, sex, violence, rape, profanity... If a question is asked he gets an honest answer. And I know that he has the confidence to ask me anything. I know this because he does so frequently and it's very comforting to know he's getting the right answers to the difficult questions that preteens like to ponder.

[Siz]

As was pointed out before, I subscribe to honesty being the correct approach.

A crash course in human anatomy and... Take it from there 

100%

[Asmodean]

"Wow! Just watch those asmos bobble!"

Wrong context, you see. "...shriveled old Asmos..."

...Better, yes? Also, The Asmo is technically a verb. It Works, but in Grayly-Divine ways.

"Fine pair of tanks those."

A fine pair. Yes, that works, see? 

[Steeler]

Ok I see that the majority here is for honesty. No problem with that, but I don't believe I have been dishonest with him in any way. It is absolutely true that his woody can be the result of needing to pee. I just stopped there, for now.
I'm actually very surprised that many of you think I should go with the sex talk. This little guy is NOT ready for that yet, and it's not just me being naive about it. 
You guys and gals are awesome!

[Buddy]

Honestly? I would get him this:

It's So Amazing!: A Book about Eggs, Sperm, Birth, Babies, and Families (The Family Library) https://www.amazon.com/dp/0763613215/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_D8-QxbEK28PJT


That's what my mom gave me, so it's OB nurse approved. It explains pretty much everything in a mature but still child friendly way.

[Asmodean]

This little guy is NOT ready for that yet, and it's not just me being naive about it. 

Well... Neither was I ready to watch Terminator at the age of about six. I didn't get it and quickly lost interest.

I think it can be... Not dishonest, per se, but beside the point to claim that a kid is too young for A or not ready for B. Human sexuality and death are probably the more commonly known examples of issues where such views are prevailent. Bad language is another good one.

When it comes to sex, being honest with a kid about it... Where's the harm? Especially if the kid is years away from having any sort of sex drive of his own? He'll most likely be mildly creeped out by the whole concept and quickly lose interest. When his time comes, however, be it at thirteen or thirty, he will be one of the informed crowd. That's both safer and, arguably, more pleasurable a niche to occupy when debuting in pretty much anything, let along something as essential to most of our lives as sex.

I can cover death and foul-mouthing too, but it goes on the same set of rails. Not having the capacity to understand (and utilize) something is not in itself a hindrance to being informed about it.

You guys and gals are awesome!

Yep. 

[Tank]

Ok I see that the majority here is for honesty. No problem with that, but I don't believe I have been dishonest with him in any way. It is absolutely true that his woody can be the result of needing to pee. I just stopped there, for now.
I'm actually very surprised that many of you think I should go with the sex talk. This little guy is NOT ready for that yet, and it's not just me being naive about it. 
You guys and gals are awesome!

Having had to do 'The talk' three times the bit that I think you should consider is you don't have to do the whole talk all at once.

You could simply go as far as. 'When you're all grown up it gets bigger to help make babies. At the moment its just practising. Don't fret. Its happens to all boys and it's perfectly normal.'

[Asmodean]

I think the wisely-turreted one is onto something there, I think.