One way Ticket to Hell

[Hector Valdez]

One Way Ticket to HELL...

That old pooch, she bought, in her own way, a golden ticket to hell. It was the first of the tickets that they were handing out at the pearly gates, as apparently god wasn't done renovating, so all the fred phelps people were being treated to quarters at the lovely lucifer hotel and casino resorts while the old man fumigated their section of heaven. Apparently, long beards breed head-lice. Doh.

And so, the pooch was stopped at customs, mostly due to some errors with her official heaven documentation. Apparently the courtly scribe in his glorious kingdom never bothered to learn a language other than english, and had written down her name incorrectly, and horrifyingly, as "Putas Iscariot", a known terrorist among the pauper's section of hell. Apparently, the guy had been trying to get slaves equal rights with regard to who could purchase piss wine and at what legal age. Naturally, Putas was considered armed and dangerous, and she was tackled to the ground in a matter of seconds by several of lucifer's Secret Service(Waffen SS) agents.

"Achtung, Hanzel, meit ju wahnten fur raepen diess bietsch?"

"The fuck? That's a dog, man. I ain't raping no fucking dog. The fuck is wrong with you? And stop talking like dat! It get's on my nerves."

"Now now, gentlemen. Let's be civil." The great lord lucifer interjected. The two SS agents stood up straight, as if searing hot rods had just been inserted into their--

"Jawohl, mein fuhrer!" The two shouted.

"Ja, Ja, Danke Ju wehry mahch, Manschen."

At this point, it would be unseemly, and dare I say innappropriate and fraudelent, to say, "the end." And so, I shall not. Instead, I shall, of course, say, "the end, motherfucker."

Weird little story. meh. 

[xSilverPhinx]

Tell me something, Semaestro: what's your moral standing now that you say that you've shed your theistics beliefs? What have you freed yourself from exactly? Choose your words wisely.

And what kind of German is that? ???

Also a little background context on that story would be nice. Many interjected WTFs there.

[history_geek]

...well that made me scratch my head as well.

And how the hell do Waffen-SS soldiers get selected into the Secret Service...I though Gestapo (Ve azk ze questionz!) would have made more sense... O.o'

/WW2 nerd

[Asmodean]

...Eh?  ???

[Hector Valdez]

It's a story I wrote because I was down and had some free time, so I wanted to amuze myself. Non sequitors abound. 

[Asmodean]

Ah..! Asmo see now.