Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )

[Crow]

Ha!  Autocorrect for subtitles would be amazing. 

It happens all the time on live BBC broadcasts.

[Pasta Chick]

That's awesome.  I would watch with subtitles if I knew I was going to see stuff like that.  All we usually get are weird, garbled non-words. 

[jumbojak]

That's awesome.  I would watch with subtitles if I knew I was going to see stuff like that.  All we usually get are weird, garbled non-words. 

I've found that if you read the subtitles from ESPN you sound just like Christopher Walken. No. Commas. Needed.

[Pasta Chick]

Einstein, Newton, and Pascal are hanging out one afternoon. Einstein is bored, so he suggests, "Let's play hide-and-seek. I'll be it!"
The others agree, so Einstein begins counting. "One... Two... Three..."
Pascal runs off right away to find a place to hide.
But Newton merely takes out a piece of chalk and draws a mid-sized square. He finishes and steps into the square just as Einstein shouts, "Ready or not -- here I come!"
Einstein looks up and immediately spots Newton standing right in front of him. He says, "I found you, Newton!"
Newton replies, "No, you found one Newton per square meter -- You found Pascal!"

[Ali]

Ha!  Autocorrect for subtitles would be amazing. 

It happens all the time on live BBC broadcasts.

I always liked that I'm Year of the Monkey, but that's only because I didn't know that Year of the Whores was an option.

[Essie Mae]

Einstein, Newton, and Pascal are hanging out one afternoon. Einstein is bored, so he suggests, "Let's play hide-and-seek. I'll be it!"
The others agree, so Einstein begins counting. "One... Two... Three..."
Pascal runs off right away to find a place to hide.
But Newton merely takes out a piece of chalk and draws a mid-sized square. He finishes and steps into the square just as Einstein shouts, "Ready or not -- here I come!"
Einstein looks up and immediately spots Newton standing right in front of him. He says, "I found you, Newton!"
Newton replies, "No, you found one Newton per square meter -- You found Pascal!"

Awesome

[Asmodean]

Yes. And people going to Oslo should prepare for yet another variety of aggressive begging - charity subscription salesmen. 

Ewww chuggers. Not seen one of them in a while.

Yes, we seem to have a local infestation type of situation going.  They are like genital warts on The Asmo's tranquility. 

[Tank]

[Marvin]

Yes. And people going to Oslo should prepare for yet another variety of aggressive begging - charity subscription salesmen. 

Ewww chuggers. Not seen one of them in a while.

Yes, we seem to have a local infestation type of situation going.  They are like genital warts on The Asmo's tranquility. 

Oh come on, look at it as an opportunity for a nasty retort.
I'm sure you could do better but something like:
Feeding the hungry, that's just prolonging the problem.
Why don't you get a proper job anyway?
What's your commission?
Really that much, hmmm.

[Marvin]

Einstein, Newton, and Pascal are hanging out one afternoon. Einstein is bored, so he suggests, "Let's play hide-and-seek. I'll be it!"
The others agree, so Einstein begins counting. "One... Two... Three..."
Pascal runs off right away to find a place to hide.
But Newton merely takes out a piece of chalk and draws a mid-sized square. He finishes and steps into the square just as Einstein shouts, "Ready or not -- here I come!"
Einstein looks up and immediately spots Newton standing right in front of him. He says, "I found you, Newton!"
Newton replies, "No, you found one Newton per square meter -- You found Pascal!"

Awesome

I don't like this kind of humour that presumes people know stuff, it puts us dumb bums under too much pressure.

[Pasta Chick]

Clearly the cartoonist has never met my dogs!

[OldGit]

[Asmodean]

That kid should have no problem getting out of it. His arms are not properly secured.

[Claireliontamer]

I know this is the joke thread, but that's not real is it!?

[Pasta Chick]

What is the purpose of restraining his head?

Seems to from a now defunct satire page.  Can't get to the .org site but this was on their FB:



No one got it, which may explain the page being defunct.