I need your help raising my child....

[Eclecticsaturn]

Alright well for those of you who dont know my wife is a bible-thumping jesus freak that takes the bible, for the most part, literally, and well im obviouslly not at all. Well the problem is arrising right now, almost daily, on how we are gunna raise out now 1 year old. She takes him to church, bible study, womens bible study, and sometimes to christian home schooling funtions. Well obviouslly there are a LOT of refferances to god in my boys every day life and i really dont want him indoctrinated at this young of an age. The problem is that i work 2 jobs and shes a stay at home mom so shes gunna be with him most the time. How would you guys suggest that i convince her to raise our child in a more secular enviroment . She wants to home school, snds not gunna happen. i need help guys and girls.

[rlrose328]

Good luck with that... aside from the child-rearing issue, how on EARTH did you guys get together?  Did either the atheism or bible-thumpingness begin after you were married?

I don't see how you can possibly stop a SAHM from taking the child wherever she wants and telling him whatever she wants.  that is a VERY tough subject.  Both my husband and i are atheists, so thank goodness it's not an issue.

Is she open to compromise?  On Meetup.com, I'm part of a local atheist group and they have kid's meetings one Sunday a month where a parent presents a story about a real person in history (usually a scientist or something) who made strides in their field despite adversity (first one was Gallileo, I think), so maybe you could find something like that to take your son to (in a few years, anyway).

You could also read mythology books to him... Greek, Roman, etc., so as he ages, he'll see that many cultures have gods in whom they believe that we KNOW aren't real and maybe he'll make the connection without you having to say a word against your wife's beliefs.  We do that here... we read the bible alongside Norse, Greek and Roman mythology, so the kid realized quickly and early that man created many beings to believe in and it's okay, but not mandatory to do so, as long as we know that WE are ultimately responsible for our own actions and that we cherish each other HERE on earth NOW, not look forward to "everlasting life" in a place we don't know exists.

Okay, I hope you can glean some useful nuggets in my ramblings.  :-)

[ryanvc76]

Wow... That's a tough one.  I'll have to agree with the education approach - it's kind of what I'm trying to do with my two girls (6 and .  They both live with their mother (ex-wife) and she has them pretty involved with church activities.  Luckily, she's not committed enough to anything to become a complete bible-thumper.  

Nonetheless, things are a bit different here in Germany; the Kindergarten my youngest attends is ran by the Catholic church and it's the only one in town.  

My girls are aware of the fact that Daddy doesn't believe in any God and I think that with them knowing this, they'll grow-up seeing atheism as an option.  Being that it makes more sense overall, it will likely be the path they'll follow.  Only time will tell.  Lucky for me, my current wife is Agnostic and grew-up with an Atheist father and grandfather.

Best of luck to you - I don't know if I could take it.

[Whitney]

Don't take this the wrong way, but if your wife is not willing to reach some sort of compromise then I'm not sure how to raise your child without so much religious influence is going to be your biggest problem down the road.

Anyway...I suggest compromise; she can teach the kid whatever she wants but you are allowed to teach him what you want (whatever you each wants barring teaching that the other parent's views are stupid).  It likely isn't that important to home school...maybe she should think of getting a job so you don't have to work so much.

[User192021]

The only possible solution I can think of has already been mentioned, compromise.  Try to come up with something you can both agree on.  Not that this is helpful to you now, but man, this is really something you guys should have discusses before you went and had a child.  If your wife is not willing to compromise (as many religious folk are not), this could be a source of major tension.  I could not imagine standing by and watching my child be indoctrinated with Christian nonsense while I work two jobs and my wife sits at home all day.  I do not envy your position in the least.

[tomday]

Hi eclecticsaturn â€" I feel for you!  you sure do have a problem which, if you let it, could create increasing emotional distress for you as your little boy grows older and more aware.  You have to start to develop your long-term strategy now as the chances are, given what you say about your wife’s religious conviction, that there may not be much chance of compromise and that your wife’s influence is going to be there whatever you do or say.

From my personal experience going back over 30 years when my kids were very small and I had a similar predicament to you, may I suggest that your key objective is, firstly to develop and then retain your son’s respect as he gets older.  If your son maintains his love and respect for you and is aware of your opposing beliefs to its mother’s, the chances are that when he is mature enough to make a logical judgement, he will have a far more open mind and be able to rationalise and develop his own attitude to religion.  
Your bond with your boy is crucial!  Create and develop your own special shared activities with your child that will always be special to him â€" it is relatively easy for a father and son with sporting and other hobbies.  Find opportunities and time to be supportive of his day-to-day activities and, generally, only give advice when it is asked for or clearly welcome.  As it is in the nature of most all bible-bashers to discredit the non-believer, your wife could effectively undermine your boy’s respect for you if you don’t have a real strong bond with him.  
The best way to educate is through example, let him only see you to be as you would wish for him to become. Despite the inevitable provocations, bad mouthing or criticising his mother and her beliefs would inevitably create negative feelings towards you by your boy â€" you have to retain every bit of love and respect that the child naturally has for you without actually ducking the issues that could create conflict.  The hardest thing is to know when to when to say nothing, to appear amused rather than angered.
You will need to find a way to make your boy aware that lots of people believe lots of different things.  If he were to go to a regular school and there happen to be other children from different faiths (Catholics, Jews, Muslims, Mormons etc.) it would then be easy to make the point and he would be gradually able to understand that what his mother and her cohorts tell him is just one of many possible beliefs and will be able to accept that you have a different ‘belief’ to his mother without thinking any the less of you. Foster the benefits of individuality; in my opinion, you should avoid ever labeling yourself to your son as an ‘atheist’ â€" it is a fact that the label ‘atheist’, like ‘heathen’ has negative connotations within society, so far better to simply explain that you do not identify with any body of religious belief or that you simply have your own beliefs that are yours alone and very personal.  

This strategy of bonding and respect has worked very well for me aand my kids and I hope you might find it useful.  Good luck!!

[donkeyhoty]

Roman and Greek mythology is the way to go.  That's what I think - I can't fully remember - sowed the original seeds of doubt in my mind, i.e  Zeus isn't real even though everyone thought he was, but this "God" fellow is real, just because everyone thinks he is... Ths "God" fellow is fake too.

[Eclecticsaturn]

Thanks for the input guys. bear with my slow responses, like i said above, i got 2 jobs, lol.

[rlrose328]

I hate to say this, but you really need to put your foot down, tell her to get a job, and that he will go to school.  She can still take him to church but he WILL go to a secular school.  That can be a compromise.  And she needs to get a job.  Hot or not, dude, you've got another life to think about other than the dangling one.  If he's only one and she's saying he knows god, you've got BIG problems to deal with.

[Eclecticsaturn]

hey the shes hot thing doesnt guide my desicisions at all, it was just a joke. i already told her that if i had to choose between him or her id choose him in a heartbeat.

anywho, the fact that she doesnt work doesnt bother me its the indoctrinating and dogma she'll feed him. Id rather have us raise my child than a stranger (babysitter). I feel its my job as the husband to provide for my family. Call it animal instinct even. Its mearly the fact that i need help talking with her to leave god out of it.

[Raggy]

Convert her? Show her FSTDT, show her all the stupid, evil quotes from the Bible, preferably her very own Bible. Show her how religion has been used and is still being used for violence and evil that religion causes. And give her all the atheist arguments that there is. To anyone that isn't in denial they are always right.

[Eclecticsaturn]

well that would be nice but she's a die-hard christian. Like NOTHING you could prove, show, contridict, or read to her will EVER change her mind. Shes very fundimentalist in her way of thinking.

[Raggy]

Ah well, that's what you get for marrying someone with a mental illness. Good luck bringing up your brainwashed child. There are plenty of hot, wonderful atheists out there but nooooooooo.

[Will]

It's a toughie, sure, but as long as you're there to teach your baby to understand reason you should be able to have faith in her. No pun intended.

[Amor Fati]

I'll take The Rapists for 200, Alex.  Errr, Therapists.  Well, couples therapy.  There's gotta be some shrink with a program for something like this.