Dating "spiritual" or religious people...

[thirtiesgirl]

Try
http://www.meetup.com
Go to the atheist, humanist, secular etc etc etc categories and do a search.

I'm a member of meetup.com, but I've never considered them a dating website.  There are dating services and singles groups on the site, but a lot of them (at least in my location) charge money to join because it's not just a group of like-minded individuals getting together to meet, but an actual dating service (like a pre-planned singles mixer or a speed dating service) run by a company that's in the business to make money.  I tend to avoid meetup groups like that because I'm not on the site to spend money on dating services.  If that's what I wanted, I'd join an actual dating service.

I am part of a non-religious singles group on meetup.com and have been to several meetups with them.  Mostly we just go out to dinner at various restaurants around town, talk about our jobs, places to eat, drink, hang out, and basically get to know each other on a surface level.  It's fun, but the point of the meetups is not to date.  Should it happen that you meet someone in the group that you're interested in dating, it's certainly not frowned on, but I've yet to meet a dating partner through the group, or hear of anyone else in the group who is dating another member.

Surprisingly, I've also had a hard time finding an atheist or secular humanist group on meetup, and I'm in the Los Angeles area.  You'd think there would be more around here.  I was a member of a humanist/free-thinker meetup group for a few months, but the group organizer never planned any meetups, and shortly after I joined, the organizer stepped down and no one else wanted to keep the group going.  Short of the non-religious singles group, I haven't found anything similar in the L.A. area.  Kind of disappointing.

[TinkerBelle]

This is an interesting question on a personal level. Now, I can only speak about my own experience, everything else would be speculative, at best. I've lived with someone for seven years now. He is very religious, and constantly insists that I'm going to hell. When we first met, this was not an issue, or so it seemed. So I think it's important to bear in mind that some people will tell what you want to hear because they want to continue seeing you. However, years later, they want to "show you the way to salvation" or what have you. IMHO, it is best to find a like-minded individual as far as political and religious beliefs are concerned. Not really "first date" material, but at some point you have to ask where a potential partner stands. In my case, it turned out to be a big deal. Not on my end, but that doesn't matter. If it's an issue with either party, then it's an issue you must deal with, like it or not. I wish you all the best in finding the right person for you. Sometimes, it's best to stop looking and just start noticing. Never know what you'll find.

Cheers,
Holly

[Gawen]

I'm a member of meetup.com, but I've never considered them a dating website.  There are dating services and singles groups on the site, but a lot of them (at least in my location) charge money to join because it's not just a group of like-minded individuals getting together to meet, but an actual dating service (like a pre-planned singles mixer or a speed dating service) run by a company that's in the business to make money.  I tend to avoid meetup groups like that because I'm not on the site to spend money on dating services.  If that's what I wanted, I'd join an actual dating service.

I didn't mean to suggest a meetup site as a dating service. But a site like that would put her with like minded people...and who knows?

Surprisingly, I've also had a hard time finding an atheist or secular humanist group on meetup, and I'm in the Los Angeles area...I haven't found anything similar in the L.A. area.  Kind of disappointing.

That IS odd.

[fester30]

I'm married to a Christian.  I was one until very recently.  We haven't had much time in this, but we've talked about it.  I have a tendency to ruin things for her.  I've ruined ghost stories, alien stories, and tried to ruin JFK conspiracies.  I thought I was making her life better by educating her.  Deep down, she doesn't really believe in ghosts or aliens, but she likes to ignore that side of herself and have fun in the magical and mysterious, like a big kid.  It's the same with god.  She believes in god, but deep down it's more of an abstract thing.  She told me that she didn't want me to go into it, and just to leave it alone.  If she goes to church, I don't go.  She hasn't really gone much since I've known her, anyway.  I think she used to go because she was hoping to find a husband, so now it's not necessary lol, she doesn't have to worry about me because I'm still a good person.  It doesn't do much for me, but it helps make her comfortable.

[terranus]

I came up with the hypothesis that, in fact, love/affection/marriage/etc. are just false realities created by the human imagination, similar to religion. But then, love may in fact be a psychological/mental thing that we humans really do need to survive. It's something I've been studying for a long time...and something I have yet to find a definite conclusion to.  

[februarystars]

This is such a big deal to me. Ever since I completely affirmed to myself that I was atheist (around ten years ago), I've only been in one relationship. We only found out that we were both atheist about a month or two into our relationship, so we definitely had other common interests that attracted each other in the beginning and kept us together for 3 years. It's been 4 years since we split up, and I have had a really difficult time getting back into the dating scene. I think my biggest barrier is that I feel like if I meet someone who, in every other aspect, might be a perfect match, that when they find out I'm atheist it will be a dealbreaker and I fear the rejection. I don't think I could ever be fully comfortable in a relationship with a theist because I would always wonder if he had some underlying concern for my soul/salvation/whatever, which I tend to think would manifest as pity, and that would make me feel really awkward. Even if the thought never crossed his mind, I think I would always have this weird paranoia. So that leaves me with other atheists as potential significant others, and even finding one around here is a severe needle/haystack scenario, much less finding one who is single and shares common interests. Maybe it's just a self-esteem hurdle that I need to overcome, and religion or lack thereof has nothing to do with it. Maybe I just need to move out of the bible belt!

[Ulver]

I have thought about this too, mostly before my current relationship (he's as atheist as I am *swoon*). I do not think I would be open to being in a serious relationship with someone who believed in a sky god. Deists annoy me for some reason...hmm...most obviously I could not date a conservative religious fundie, but...it's moot because they would not date me either. I think atheism forces one to evaluate what is really important to them, and they may be more capable of finding suitable partners with this knowledge. It just may take more time.

[Ulver]

I came up with the hypothesis that, in fact, love/affection/marriage/etc. are just false realities created by the human imagination, similar to religion. But then, love may in fact be a psychological/mental thing that we humans really do need to survive. It's something I've been studying for a long time...and something I have yet to find a definite conclusion to.   I think evolutionary psychology is missing a lot of seriously important pieces about modernity and common sense, but an argument can be made that a basic drive towards human connection leads to survival. All the complexities therein are just pacifiers, just like religion :drool

[februarystars]

I couldn't agree more. I actually had a blast in my philosophy class because I seemed to be the only person that would step up and say that certain human behaviors or characteristics were a direct result of how we evolved and are survival mechanisms or whatever. Sometimes I'll tell myself "the desire for love is just my brain telling my body it's time to make babies and sustain the species," but no matter how logical I want to be, I'm still a product of my species' evolution, and I can't deny that the desire wants to be satisfied.

[Ulver]

And it's certainly not meant to diminish it's importance outside of procreation. People sometimes spazz when things they hold emotionally dear are questioned or laid out in plain text. I find that amusing, because those same people may easily boil human bodily processes down to a few sentences without flinching.

[darkcyd]

I am going to try to address both.

In the op's post:
Just wait 5 years or date guys 5 years older. Men in college are just opening their wings and still very much feel the need to keep family ties. After college, and as they begin work, they quickly cast off that and can think a bit more outside of the social box that binds their family and them to religion. Women on the other hand become more religious with age as religion is a social support network useful in child rearing. I am not saying these are absolutes, they are simply statistics that I have found to be accurate. So as you get older and other women want kids, they will become more religious as men of that age become much less so and you as an atheist will be a much more sought after partner.

I suppose to whoever was having the problem with the wife who was semi religious. Women with kids as I said see the church as a support network and social network. Were she to cast out religious, she would lose those ties and they are important to her. As such, no amount of lecture or rationalizing will change her opinion. The way to do that? Start hanging out with a nice atheist couple. Start making social ties that are stable and seem moral without the pretext of religion until she feels she no longer needs it. Then, you'll see it cast off like the burden of silliness that it is.