my predicament

[shoruke]

I figure that, this being an atheist forum, some here can sympathize with this story. It's completely true.

I haven't told my Aunt and Uncle, or my cousins, or my second cousin (he's like 5 months old anyway) that I'm an atheist. They live 500 km. away, so I don't see them or talk to them often, but it still REALLY bugs me. I don't feel like I can tell them, either. I had a dream once that I e-mailed Auntie Beryl and told her I was atheist. Next day (in the dream) my inbox was stuffed because auntie, uncle, and everyone they knew from church had all e-mailed me threats: 'You're going to hell! What are you thinking!?' 'you have to find god, fast! Convert or else!' Then Auntie called me, and started threatening me over the phone, and it was worse out loud. I had to get a new e-mail address, a new unlisted phone number, and I even preemptively moved to a new house so that my relatives can't come and flay me! I considered suing her. I almost did.

Good thing I haven't told them in real life.

Want to know the worst part? It's actually likely to go down like that if I tell them. I told my mom (she's agnostic) about the dream and she agrees, it's best not to tell them. But I still feel bad about almost bluntly lying to my relatives, and it hurts that I can't tell them how I feel.

Golden rule to the max. Right. I just love hypocrisy.

[SteveS]

The way I always react to this sort of situation is: why tell them if you think its going to upset them?  If they espouse some particular opinion, I'd say feel free to disagree --- but you certainly don't have any obligation to just offer up out of the blue that you are an atheist.  If they ever engage you in a conversation along the lines of "what church are you going to?", or maybe, "are you going to church and talking to your priest/pastor/whatever?", I'd say to answer with the old standby "I'm not religious".  If they press on and ask why, well, they asked didn't they?

I have religious relatives that I'm fond of, and that I get along with.  I've never, so far, brought up religion in conversation.  They've gotten the feeling that I'm not religious, so they usually leave it alone.  If they don't bring it up, why would I?

My two cents.

 :wink:

[izult]

I sympathize completely.  My family knows i'm not a member of their church anymore but i'm not entirely sure they know i'm full blown atheist.  If they do they simply don't talk about it.  At least not around me.  Instead there's this "agree to disagree" understanding between us and I don't push my thoughts on the matter on them so long as they leave me alone about religion.

you never know.  it could be much better than you expect but only tell them when you're ready.

[tacoma_kyle]

MY parents are ok with it, my mom doesnt want anyone to know because of its reflection on her ('pss...her son is a atheist---' haha) my mom worrys about dumb things, but she grew up really poor so there is a little background on why.



I wasnt really in the same boat- but my grandprants are pretty religous. A few years back I ad a myspace account, have a bunch of shit on there some about bein atheist. She did like any adult relative and went through myspace accounts.

Asked me about it, I say yeah. She was a little puzzled. Maybe she got the wrong impression and thinks I am not...anyway...??? But she seems to respect my decision and never rambles about going to church. She does it to my brother, haha I guess there is hope in him.

When it comes down to it, if anyone asks it--I will probably say, 'Do ya really want to know?' If so, truth hurts .


But it is quite comforting that I recently learned a coworker is atheist!

[MommaSquid]

I have religious relatives that I'm fond of, and that I get along with.  I've never, so far, brought up religion in conversation.  They've gotten the feeling that I'm not religious, so they usually leave it alone.  If they don't bring it up, why would I?

Agreed.  You don't have to come right out and say, "I'm an atheist" for people to understand that you are.  Why beat them over the head with information they probably don't need or want?  

My atheism is between me and my non-existant god.   :wink:

[rlrose328]

With family, it's a "need to know" basis and really, do they "need to know"?

When I lived in San Francisco, I had many gay friends, some of whom were VERY involved with gay culture.  They felt if you don't come out, you're somehow damaging the "cause."  They really pressured others to come out, regardless of the damage it might do.

I believed differently.  If coming out, either gay or atheist, will cause many more problems than it will solve, cause family members to disown or otherwise ostracize you, then why do it?  It doesn't define who you are... it's merely a small part of what you believe (or don't believe, in this case).

I told my mom and my aunts, all of whom are religious... they don't like it, but they know who I am and accept me anyway (with reservations...  :wink: ) but if I knew one of them would have freaked out and felt it their mission to save me, I wouldn't have told them.  Why stress out the relationship.  Just interact with them as you always have (or not, if that's the case) and leave it be.

[SteveS]

My atheism is between me and my non-existant god. :wink:

Exactly!  Well put.  I have a personal non-relationship with Jesus.!

[shoruke]

Alright, thanks everyone. I won't tell them then.

(I love this forum)

[tigerlily46514]

Agreed. You don't have to come right out and say, "I'm an atheist" for people to understand that you are. Why beat them over the head with information they probably don't need or want?

My atheism is between me and my non-existant god.  

GOTTA LOVE THAT!  Good one, Momma Squid!!!!  The whole thing, maybe it doesn't ALL show up in the box unless ya scroll it, but Momma Squid, you sure did nail it!!!
Shoruke, i love this forum too!!!!