Lost time

[fester30]

I am Jason.  33 years of age.  33 years spent finding the true nature of God.  I was a member at one time or another of SIX different denominations in three states and two countries.  I dabbled in others, attending without gaining membership, trying to find the one I felt fit my beliefs.  I grew up in the stand/sit/kneel/repeat after me/now let's chant church.  I was scared to death in another church when they all put their hands on me and were praying and singing and crying and speaking gibberish (thank you spell check).  Those people insinuated that because I couldn't attain the least of all gifts (speaking in tongues) I must not be letting the holy spirit in (must not be much of a Christian).  I even did the hellfire and brimstone YOU'RE GOING TO HELL IF YOU THINK ABOUT BOOBIES church.  I realized I needed more stimulation than repeat after me, less stimulation than crazed lunatics feeling me up (besides I wasn't very good at speaking gibberish, how does one know if one is good at that?), and I love boobies.  By the way, I am not intending disrespect to any of our female members with the boobies comments.  This is just my way of saying I love women, and I don't think it's so bad to look at a Playboy, even if you are a Christian.  I continued to believe in God even as I didn't really know why.  Turns out I was just scared of the "what if I'm wrong and there's a hell" thing.  If you're more scared of hell than you are excited about heaven, I think that's the first clue there's a little problem.

I was researching origins of religions because I get curious about things.  I laughed at some, and considering the times they lived in I understood others while still finding amusement.  As I was reading about the origins, tenets, and beliefs of various religions I sort of lost myself in Egyptian mythology, and went off on a tangent full-bore into that.  That's when I met Horus.  We didn't get along at first, because I was sure he stole my savior's story.  After a time and some more research, Horus and I patched things up as I found out he was first.  I apologized, then told him we could only be friends in my mind, because even though we were having that conversation, he didn't really exist.  Since he doesn't exist and he came first, what did that mean about Jesus.  Uh oh.  It was instant.  There was no debate once I finally learned to add 2 and 2, spiritually speaking, I guess you could say (though you wouldn't, and neither would I, since there seems to be a lack of spirits, unless you count the scotch that is waiting for me when I get home from half a world away).  

So I don't believe in God.  I was more relieved that there is no hell than I was disappointed that there is no heaven.  I still have the odd habit of capitalizing God or saying "oh, thank God" every once in a while without thinking.  Old habits die hard, I guess.  I won't be a militant or cynical atheist, it's just not my nature.  Besides, I have a lot of family that I love dearly that are all Christians, and what they want to believe is fine by me.  I am still going to celebrate Christmas when I get home (I am a deployed service member) but not for the same reasons.  There will be no Christ in it for me.  However, I have always loved Christmas morning, in my pajamas, with the tree and ornaments and White Christmas on the television, and the music (even if it does have something about Bethlehem or three kings in it) and the presents and the family and the hot cocoa.  I will still love it because the togetherness and warm love of family is still the same to me, God or not.  

I just know that I've always had a scientific mind, which put me into direct conflict with my former faith.  I love meteorology and physics, and I believe I allowed my faith to hold me back, because I was always afraid for some reason of heading down this road.  Now I see the road has led me to a better place (by the way, since you cannot prove that this metaphorical road does not exist, that means it does, right?).  Now I'm excited by these things in a way that I never was before.  I see so much more beauty in physics and mathematics, like a poetry that wasn't there before.  I am ready to jump back on that ride and work at another bachelor's, in a physical science, and see how much more fun stuff is out there that I haven't gotten to yet.  This has also opened new doors into history, literature, and art.  Even theology is more exciting to study, as I now have a detached point of view, and I love to know how humans viewed the world before me.  I better get to bed now.  It's late.  

I guess I didn't mention up there, but I was a Christian as recently as a month ago, and I am so happy this wasn't a disastrous, painful transition.

[JoeBobSmith]

wow thats long

[JoeBobSmith]

i read it

welcome

[Tank]

Hi fester

That was quite a journey.

Welcome to Happy Atheists.

You may find this thread a good place to start viewtopic.php?p=74241#p74241

Regards
Chris

[fester30]

Thanks.  Yeah it's long.  I can be a bit long-winded.  

[McQ]

Welcome to the forum, fester. Thanks for the background and introduction. You have had quite the mix of experiences with churches. That makes for a very solid knowledge of what these faiths are all about. Consider it a strength for you now. People can't say you don't know what you're talking about.

Have fun here!

[fester30]

Thanks for the welcomes.  Yes, my background does help when confronted with statements taken out of context.  I was confronted by a Christian today (not in a confrontational way, just simple, non-passionate conversation; I respect that).  I felt compelled to offer him what he found to be annoying facts (oddly enough, facts from myths, haha) about his scripture.  I was quoting Bible verses that he had never been taught.  Most of them don't actually read that stuff.  He's still Christian, but at least he understands why I choose not to be.

[JoeBobSmith]

[terranus]

Bonvenon al la Forumo!
[spoiler:xz6itk7t]Welcome to the Forum![/spoiler:xz6itk7t]

I grew up in the stand/sit/kneel/repeat after me/now let's chant church

Yeah me too, we called them the Catholic Aerobics. And then that afternoon we would have the Catholic Marathon where all the alter boys would sprint away from the church as fast as they could before Father O'Brien finished up the communion wine and got swanky...

[JoeBobSmith]

 

[terranus]

Eh...Looking back at it now I just laugh. Of course, I always managed to get away in time, too. I imagine people who did manage to get stuck alone in the church with him might not be able to do the same. They probably have some repressed memories or mental scar from it. Not me though!  

If you ever get a chance to read the FFRF's newspaper, take a look at their black collar crime blotter section. It's amazing how many terrible clergymen there are.

[Stevil]

Hello Fester

I like it when people post these personal statements. It gives me a good insight into who that person is. Yours is a very interesting story, I can't relate as I have never been a theist, but I imagine it must be weird switching teams. Living in a country that officially celebrates Christmas, I can tell you it certainly is not a festival owned by Christains, its a great time to meet up with the family, watch the young ones excitedly open up their presents, Over eat, over drink and just be happy. The great thing about being an atheist is that you don't have religious hangups, you can be accepting and tolerant of others, you don't have the desire to convert people. To put it simply, instead of JC you have the concept of tolerance, open your heart and let tolerance be your friend, let it guide you to places that JC would not dare tread.

BTW what is a militant or cynical atheist?

[fester30]

Hello Fester

I like it when people post these personal statements. It gives me a good insight into who that person is. Yours is a very interesting story, I can't relate as I have never been a theist, but I imagine it must be weird switching teams. Living in a country that officially celebrates Christmas, I can tell you it certainly is not a festival owned by Christains, its a great time to meet up with the family, watch the young ones excitedly open up their presents, Over eat, over drink and just be happy. The great thing about being an atheist is that you don't have religious hangups, you can be accepting and tolerant of others, you don't have the desire to convert people. To put it simply, instead of JC you have the concept of tolerance, open your heart and let tolerance be your friend, let it guide you to places that JC would not dare tread.

BTW what is a militant or cynical atheist?

When you grow up a Christian (and, at times, a militant or cynical one) you get a perspective that is shaded in that direction.  The cynical ones seem like they only see the bad in religion.  The militant ones will find every opportunity to let you know all about it, and often in a loud and not-so-kind way.  Think of how it feels for you when a Christian gets up in your face asking if you know whether you're going to heaven, and how you're letting your children down by not protecting them from the fires of hell.  It feels the same to a Christian when an atheist gets in their face and tells the Christian he's an idiot and god is dead and all of that.  There are positive aspects to religion, but those positive aspects can also be found outside church, without the need to believe in a sun god or hell (that was a relief).  Someone who is atheist perhaps would have more experience finding such outlets than someone like me, but I'll learn.  Anyway that's a bit off topic.

I know a few things.  I don't see atheists being outwardly militant nearly as much and Christians.  Most of the time when I see any militant attitude from either side, the Christian is on offense (initiating) and the atheist is on defense.  Doesn't seem to me atheists really care as long as it's not in their face (now I get that).  

One thing I find ironic.  A preacher tells his flock that people become atheists because they want to be able to sin freely without considering the consequences of hell.  Now that I'm on this side, I feel like I have a HIGHER morality.  With Christianity, I could do whatever I wanted so long as I timed it so that I was saved right before I died .  Now, I have what I consider to be an improved consciousness in that I realize my former stances against gay marriage, civil rights, and civil liberties, were all due to my religious beliefs, which I don't have any more.

[Stevil]

One thing I find ironic.  A preacher tells his flock that people become atheists because they want to be able to sin freely without considering the consequences of hell.  

Yes, its quite surprising, I have seen that attitude from some theists on this site. They seem to think everything relates back to Christianity e.g. Atheism is a denial or rejection of god and as you say a stance so that we can sin freely. Those people don't realise that our stance actually has nothing to do with Christianity. Some of us aren't even aware of what the rules, morals and sins are as defined by Christianity. We just live our live accourding to how we feel we should behave and this doesn't mean that we ignore the cost to society of our actions.

[Yuffie]

Welcome to the forums. I'm new too, but I can relate to the being in a church full of lunatics thing. >.<