Hello, all :)

[Xtina]

Hi everyone,

I'm happy to have found this forum, since I've been really feeling the need in the last year or so to connect with people who have a similar lack of religious convictions. Even though I live in what's considered a fairly atheist-friendly state (Massachusetts) in the US, I still feel frustrated sometimes that I'm not able to proclaim my lack of religious beliefs as freely as others can proclaim their beliefs. Of course we are allowed the same rights to free speech and freedom of  (and from!) religion under the US Constitution, but I've found that retaliation from others can be as effective of a silencer as law.

I came from a very religious upbringing, although my parents thankfully didn't start making me go to church services on a regular basis until I was about 11. At that time, I wasn't sure what I really believed. Whatever I was told up until that point didn't leave much of an impression on me of who or what "God" and "Jesus" were, but I had vivid ideas about the devil, believing that I would be kidnapped and burned alive for eternity if I was "bad" enough. I was always one of those children that adults credited with an "overactive imagination", and I remember struggling with the idea that the monster under my bed and vampires weren't real, but that demons and the devil were.

When I was 11, my parents took me to church on a regular basis all of a sudden. I was put into Sunday School, where I mainly remember being very uncomfortable talking about religion. I think at that point I still "believed" in something, but talking about God or Jesus or Bible stories always made me uncomfortable in much the same way that talking about sex did at that age. Still, when I was fourteen, my mother signed me up to teach a younger group of kids in Sunday School. I was given this huge binder full of lesson plans with accompanying crafts. I was still pretty uncomfortable with the teachings of Christianity, but I didn't have the capacity yet to explain why, not even to myself. I "taught" Sunday School for two or three years, glossing over the Bible stories purely because of my own discomfort and then moving on to the craft portion of the lessons.

Over the years since then, my discomfort with religion grew into questioning and exploration, and then into agnosticism, and finally, in the last two or three years, into outright atheism. Reading Richard Dawkins and Christopher Hitchens has helped me make that final transition. In fact, Dawkins' "The God Delusion" has been the most life-changing book for me - not because it converted me from being religious but because I feel like I was the intended target for the book - I clung to religion because I thought I had to. I went to church and taught Sunday School classes and dealt with my discomfort about religion because I thought I didn't have a choice. In "The God Delusion" Dawkins wrote that the book was written largely for the people who never embraced agnosticism or atheism because "They didn't know they could" - and that fits me very well.

My family was (and still is) very right-wing Christian conservative, and those that I've told of my transition waver now between being in denial about the fact that I am truly an atheist and conveying their conviction that I'll go to hell for my beliefs. Although I do know a few agnostics, I don't know very many people who are openly, brazenly atheist. I myself still find it hard to be vocal about my lack of beliefs, because I haven't gotten positive reactions from many people because of them. Whenever I've been open about being an atheist, something bad has happened - my car has been vandalized, or people have cut off contact with me, or I've been told that I'm a bad person/am going to hell/etc. etc.

I feel like I have to keep huge parts of my life secret from my family, because their views on what's okay and what isn't are intertwined with their religious values. It's been pretty hurtful to have to realize that my family will never accept me for who I am, because of my atheism and because the lifestyle that I have doesn't fit with their narrow views of what's acceptable, even though it makes me happy and I try live my life with humanist morality, and I try not to hurt anyone, and to help others when I can.

So, although I am lucky enough to have a fiancé who is like-minded and a few close friends who know I'm an atheist and accept that, I still feel like the world at-large isn't friendly to my beliefs, and so I've been really wanting to connect with people who have also made the difficult and often painful conversion to atheism or agnosticism - and just to be able to discuss current events without religion being unnecessarily dragged into it.

Anyway - I know this was long! I just wanted to introduce myself and explain some of where I'm coming from. Looking forward to getting to know you guys.

~Xtina

[The Magic Pudding]

Hello Xtina, sorry to hear those theists are giving you a hard time, but don't worry you've found sanctuary.
I'm out of complimentary wombats at the moment, but here's a HAF steak knife, it cuts, and it..... well cutting is all it does really.

[wildfire_emissary]

Welcome to HAF, Xtina!

[Davin]

Welcome to HAF!

I'm pretty sure that some of what you're looking for is here.

[Xtina]

Thanks everyone for the welcomes... and the steak knife

[Cycel]

Hi Xtina,  

I've avoided a lot of discomfort by not announcing my atheism.  I have a biologist friend who for some time thought he had to make himself get over his fear of snakes and so forced himself handle them at every opportunity.  Later, he said, he realized he didn't have to pick up snakes.  Hitchens and Dawkins are in the habit of talking openly, but they have support from many colleagues and from their families. Hitchens makes a living from his very vocal approach, but I don't think we need to tell the tale of our atheism to everyone.  When I was in my teens I thought I was the only atheist on Earth and so didn't tell anyone my views.  Now, years later, I am surrounded by atheists.  My kids are atheists, I have other family who are atheists, and I have friends who are atheists, but I still don't go around telling acquaintances or colleagues what I think, even though a few of them are quick to talk about Jesus.  Why ruffle the feathers of those we have to work with?  Have you read Sam Harris?  He's an atheist who thinks it might be better if we didn't go around scaring the Christians into thinking they have to react to us.  It's a different approach that he's talked at some length with Dawkins about.  Anyway, you will find your own path.

Welcome!

[Xtina]

Hi Xtina,  

I've avoided a lot of discomfort by not announcing my atheism.  I have a biologist friend who for some time thought he had to make himself get over his fear of snakes and so forced himself handle them at every opportunity.  Later, he said, he realized he didn't have to pick up snakes.  Hitchens and Dawkins are in the habit of talking openly, but they have support from many colleagues and from their families. Hitchens makes a living from his very vocal approach, but I don't think we need to tell the tale of our atheism to everyone.  When I was in my teens I thought I was the only atheist on Earth and so didn't tell anyone my views.  Now, years later, I am surrounded by atheists.  My kids are atheists, I have other family who are atheists, and I have friends who are atheists, but I still don't go around telling acquaintances or colleagues what I think, even though a few of them are quick to talk about Jesus.  Why ruffle the feathers of those we have to work with?  Have you read Sam Harris?  He's an atheist who thinks it might be better if we didn't go around scaring the Christians into thinking they have to react to us.  It's a different approach that he's talked at some length with Dawkins about.  Anyway, you will find your own path.

Welcome!

Thanks - interesting stuff to think about. I picked up "Letter to a Christian Nation" but haven't had a chance to read it yet. I always feel conflicted about whether I'm being smart or chicken in deciding not to tell some people, even when they're shoving their religion in my face.

[Tank]

Hi Xtina

Looks like you have a lot to get off your chest and you've come to just the place to do it!

Welcome aboard.

Regards
Chris