Jesus was a Zombie

[Martin TK]

"Zombies are quite simply, the resurrected bodies of the not-yet-completely-decomposed dead. These lifeless bodies are animated by some supernatural force - witchcraft, alien science, a weird virus, etc. - and are free to walk the Earth once more. Technically, both Count Dracula and Jesus Christ are both zombies."  Weird Encyclopedia

I was going through the Flatearth Society website, because my wife had never heard of them, and when I did a search I found this site, Weird Encyclopedia, and it is just plain funny.  I couldn't help but laugh when I read the page on Zombies and the above statement hit me particularly funny mostly because I had never given the thought of Jesus as a zombie much, well thought.

Now, on to the Flatearthers, any discussion on this wonderfully, scientific group, who of course get their basis for the claim that they earth is flat from, where else, the bible.  I read as much about it as I could stomach, before I lost my Taco Bell dinner, so I was wondering if anyone else has anything to say?  Peace from Michigan

[pinkocommie]

I was going through the Flatearth Society website, because my wife had never heard of them, and when I did a search I found this site, Weird Encyclopedia, and it is just plain funny.  I couldn't help but laugh when I read the page on Zombies and the above statement hit me particularly funny mostly because I had never given the thought of Jesus as a zombie much, well thought.

I had always thought of Jesus as a zombie, probably because my dad was a very vocal (and funny) atheist, so he made jokes like that all the time.  I remember being a kid and accidentally royally pissing off one of my friends because I hadn't really given religion much thought back then and had no idea the concept of Jesus being a zombie might be offensive to some people.  She was talking about some movie being evil because it had the living dead in it and that was an abomination - I think it was Army of Darkness or something silly like that - and I said, "Well, Jesus was a damn zombie and you freaking worship him, what's the difference?"  I remember she got all red in the face and refused to talk to me and I had no idea what was up until another friend explained it to me.

[Thumpalumpacus]

But of course the Earth is flat.  A sphere would roll off a turtle's back.

[Caecilian]

@Martin TK

You are a HEATHEN and surely you will BURN IN HELLFIRE for your BLASPHEMY.

Of course the Earth is flat!! The BIBLE says so, thus it must be true:

Isaiah 11:12  
12 And he shall set up an ensign for the nations, and shall assemble the outcasts of Israel, and gather together the dispersed of Judah from the FOUR CORNERS OF THE EARTH. (KJV)

Daniel 4:11
11 The tree grew, and was strong, and the height thereof reached unto heaven, and the sight thereof to the ENDS OF ALL THE EARTH: (KJV)

Matthew 4:8
8 Again, the devil taketh him up into an exceeding high mountain, and sheweth him all the kingdoms of the world, and the glory of them; (KJV)  

And of course JESUS was a zombie. At least you get that right. In fact, HE was a killer cannibal zombie. Why did JESUS rise on the third day? Because HE was hungry, thats why- He needed to gorge HIMSELF on human flesh. Which of course was, by definition, a perfectly moral thing for HIM to do.

[Tank]

But of course the Earth is flat.  A sphere would roll off a turtle's back.

That's why the elephants are there  

[Gawen]

People really don't like it when I tell them they believe in a cosmic Jewish Zombie.

[Tank]

People really don't like it when I tell them they believe in a cosmic Jewish Zombie.

Until you tell them his name.

[GAYtheist]

So...does that mean that instead of brains...he goes after peoples faith?

"Faiiiiith...FAIIIIITH!"

Trip, falls, head rolls off, kids start kicking it like a soccer ball.

Had to, sorry.

John

[Caecilian]

So...does that mean that instead of brains...he goes after peoples faith?

"Faiiiiith...FAIIIIITH!"

Trip, falls, head rolls off, kids start kicking it like a soccer ball.

Had to, sorry.

John

Well, maybe.

Or maybe he goes after the brains and replaces them with faith.

The victims then become faithful zombie servants of the zombie god. Christians, in other words.

[philosoraptor]

I've thought of Jesus as a zombie for ages.  Whenever Easter rolls around, I wish my friends a Happy Zombie Christ Day.  Some of them think it's funny, and as for the rest...