Hi! I'm sorry, I tried to make this short...

[teifuani]

Hello! I'm Tiffany. I'm nineteen and hail from West Virginia (though I'm going to college in Virginia). I recently came to be atheist (or agnostic... I can never make up my mind) about two months ago. Since I was about 10-13 I really started questioning my family's Christianity and started down a long path that went from liberal Christianity to Reform Judaism to Modern Spiritualism to Unitarian Universalism to Wicca/Paganism (and then finally to where I am now). The transition from Paganism to atheism was definitely the hardest part for me; all my life I'd believed there was some kind of force out there helping me through and definitely some kind of afterlife. Since I'm very mentally/emotionally weak the idea I was likely wrong about it all devastated me. I developed a strong fear of dying and hypochondria as a result of losing my crutch, and I'm still coping with the hypochondria even though I've finally gotten most of my brain to admit death is nothing to fear. Now I think it's more the fear of dying young than just dying; I want to experience as much as I can, and even though I try to be grateful for what I have it's hard when I've never been able to go abroad or even go anywhere very often (I'm still very dependent on my parents since I have no job or license, and they are hardly active at all). Thinking positive is hard for me; I'm beginning to think I'm genetically prone to pessimism or something. I'm still struggling to completely overcome the despair I felt realizing all my prayers and spells and hopes might very well have been for naught.

I know this disqualifies me from being a "'happy atheist," but for what it's worth I'm still doing my best to try to become truly happy. ^_^;

Can't wait to meet you all!
Tiff

[joeactor]

Hi Tiff - Welcome!

You've had quite a journey.  I had a brush with Wiccan, but it didn't stick.  Ended up an Agnostic Theist.

Life's a journey, for sure.  Seems like you've got some good years ahead.  Don't worry too much - it can ruin an otherwise beautiful day (take it from a worrier!)

Enjoy the forum,
JoeActor

[Tank]

Hi Tiff

Each day is a gift of experience, a day to make the world a better place, a day to learn and help and be helped by others. We have a finite window on the Universe for the point of birth to the point of death. Take each day one by one and your life will unfold in front of you.

Welcome aboard!

[Businessocks]

Hi Tiff!  Welcome.

I'm new here, too, and understand the upset that can come when one journeys away from Christianity toward pantheism/agnosticism/atheism (I'm still not exactly sure how to label myself because it shifts and changes each day).  Try to be a little gentler on yourself.  You are NOT weak of mind!  Proof?  You were brave enough to question all the things you were taught not to question growing up in a Christian household!  Give yourself credit for that!   Give yourself time to process and adjust to this new world view.  I know for me, it was a huge shift to admit that I didn't believe there was a big guy in the sky listening to prayers and making good stuff happen.  I mourned for a bit, got angry for a bit, got afraid for a bit.  Now, I mostly feel free.  

I look forward to poking around these boards and continuing my journey with you.

[elliebean]

Hi Tiffany! Welcome to the forum.  

Nothing you do is for naught; there's always something to be learned from it, even if it isn't immediately apparent.

[i_am_i]

Hi Tiffany

Goal number one: learn to drive and get yourself a driver's license. That right there will do wonders for your attitude! You'll feel great!

[The Black Jester]

A very warm welcome to you.  I think the more comfortable you can make yourself with the unknown, and the more comfortable you can manage to feel in your own skin, the more relaxed and groovy an outlook you will manage to have.  

Nothing you do is for naught; there's always something to be learned from it, even if it isn't immediately apparent.

This is wise - the unbeliever's version of "there's a reason for everything."  There may be no designer, but there is definitely beauty, and opportunity, in everything.

Goal number one: learn to drive and get yourself a driver's license. That right there will do wonders for your attitude! You'll feel great!

Even more wise.  Breadth of experience is a great broadener of one's perspective.  Hard to have breadth if your world is narrow, and worse, dependant on others.

Most of all, try not to do this ->  

[Cecilie]

Hey Tiff. Nice to meet you!
I know exactly what you mean, I'm sort of a pessimist myself.  

[teifuani]

Thanks for the warm welcome and all the advice everyone! It really helps.

[Squid]

I developed a strong fear of dying and hypochondria as a result of losing my crutch, and I'm still coping with the hypochondria even though I've finally gotten most of my brain to admit death is nothing to fear. Now I think it's more the fear of dying young than just dying

I remember a short little story about a Zen master and his student sitting at breakfast:

Zen Student: So Master, is the soul immortal or not?  Do we survive our bodily death or do we get annihilated? Do we really reincarnate? Does our soul split up into component parts which get recycled, or do we as a single unit enter the body of a biological organism?  And do we retain our memories or not? Or is the doctrine of reincarnation false? Is perhaps the Christian notion of survival more correct? And if so, do we get readily resurrected, or does our soul enter a purely Platonic spiritual realm?

Zen Master: Your breakfast is getting cold.

I want to experience as much as I can, and even though I try to be grateful for what I have it's hard when I've never been able to go abroad or even go anywhere very often (I'm still very dependent on my parents since I have no job or license, and they are hardly active at all).

I think others have made this suggestion as well - find a job and get your license or vice versa - this will provide you with more independence and can allow you to start on the road toward experiencing more of the world.  A job can also be good for meeting new people as well - making new friends can help immensely.

Thinking positive is hard for me; I'm beginning to think I'm genetically prone to pessimism or something. I'm still struggling to completely overcome the despair I felt realizing all my prayers and spells and hopes might very well have been for naught.

Think more in terms of needs to reach a goal if that helps.  Set realistic goals and then ascertain what you need to do in order to achieve them such as finding a job or getting your license.  As a way out of an unsure college future and my small rural hometown in Texas I joined the military.  I'm not saying that's what you should do but I use it as an example - for me, it provided me with the time, experience and support I needed to head in a definite direction.  Even though that direction has changed its course I still have one - I have that goal and the more goals I reach the further I've gone and the more I've accomplished.  Will I ever reach all my goals?  Probably but that's just because I always create more.  However, this should never take away from what I have done!  Look at the past prayers and such as internal motivation or coping tools to help you along your way.

For some it may be hard to come to terms that you must rely on yourself for direction and so forth in life, no benevolent force or deity to help out - it can be overwhelming but just remember that all the feats that so many people describe as "miraculous" have A LOT of human dedication, expertise, hard work and inginuity behind the so-called "miracle".

Anyhow, I think you get my point after all this rambling...at least I hope you do.  At any rate, it's great to meet you Tiffany.