10 Things About Yourself

[OldGit]

There should be a spoiler button for this sort thing to spare us hypochondriacs more panic.
Already any chest twinge presages a heart attack, forgotten keys is early onset Alzheimers, any skin spot is a melanoma, a mosquito bite could lead to various horrors, now I have to worry about losing my extremities.  Aaach, it's almost enough to drive someone into a healthy lifestyle.

Also, have you looked at the colour of your hat lately?  Definitely Osteogimbolosis of Yakabobo's organ.

[The Magic Pudding]

Also, have you looked at the colour of your hat lately?  Definitely Osteogimbolosis of Yakabobo's organ.

Aach, I felt something was wrong, I tried to convince myself the hat was just too tight.
I'll get some healing crystals tomorrow and move my foot stool, I think it may be causing a pooling of the negative energy that comes out of my TV.

[DeterminedJuliet]

Also, have you looked at the colour of your hat lately?  Definitely Osteogimbolosis of Yakabobo's organ.

Aach, I felt something was wrong, I tried to convince myself the hat was just too tight.
I'll get some healing crystals tomorrow and move my foot stool, I think it may be causing a pooling of the negative energy that comes out of my TV.

No need, I don't think. You're obviously symptomatic of a blocked chakra.

[Ali]

Also, have you looked at the colour of your hat lately?  Definitely Osteogimbolosis of Yakabobo's organ.

Aach, I felt something was wrong, I tried to convince myself the hat was just too tight.
I'll get some healing crystals tomorrow and move my foot stool, I think it may be causing a pooling of the negative energy that comes out of my TV.

No need, I don't think. You're obviously symptomatic of a blocked chakra.

Ooh, I know how to treat that!  I was diagnosed with a blocked chakra during a recent massage!  Have some one spin crystals over the chakra, and then press their hands to the chakra point while humming tunelessly under their breath.  Clears it right up!

[Amicale]

Also, have you looked at the colour of your hat lately?  Definitely Osteogimbolosis of Yakabobo's organ.

Aach, I felt something was wrong, I tried to convince myself the hat was just too tight.
I'll get some healing crystals tomorrow and move my foot stool, I think it may be causing a pooling of the negative energy that comes out of my TV.

No need, I don't think. You're obviously symptomatic of a blocked chakra.

Ooh, I know how to treat that!  I was diagnosed with a blocked chakra during a recent massage!  Have some one spin crystals over the chakra, and then press their hands to the chakra point while humming tunelessly under their breath.  Clears it right up!

congrats, people. You made me laugh so hard I started coughing like mad. You folks are awesome indeed. 

[The Magic Pudding]

No need, I don't think. You're obviously symptomatic of a blocked chakra.

Oh damn, you really think so?
My chakra seems to be cycling between rainbow and blockage faster and faster, like a spiralling packet of hydrogolised snack food in a tornado of negative energy.

If you could write your diagnosis down, sign it D'Juliet from the Internet and I may be able to get a refund for my last unblocking.
Last time I asked for a refund I was told I was being negative and I should desist for my own wellbeing.  No no, forget that request it is my own negativity that has brought this on, I see feel it now.  I wonder if I could find a dolphin, problem is they always seem to detect my negativity and stay away...   It's enough to make me wonder if they don't like the fish shaped soy vegie things I offer them.

[Ali]

I wonder if I could find a dolphin, problem is they always seem to detect my negativity and stay away...

My I suggest a lovely dolphin hat with which you can blend in with the dolphins and walk among them.



http://lupas-deva.deviantart.com/art/Dolphin-Hat-161191288

[DeterminedJuliet]

No need, I don't think. You're obviously symptomatic of a blocked chakra.

Oh damn, you really think so?
My chakra seems to be cycling between rainbow and blockage faster and faster, like a spiralling packet of hydrogolised snack food in a tornado of negative energy.

If you could write your diagnosis down, sign it D'Juliet from the Internet and I may be able to get a refund for my last unblocking.
Last time I asked for a refund I was told I was being negative and I should desist for my own wellbeing.

I don't have my letterhead handy, but feel free to print this off and forge my signature. Make it really scribbly and authoritative.

Dear Hippy Dippys,


I write to you today as Mr.Puddin's (henceforth referred to as "Mr.P") wellness-attorney/holistic-health practitioner. I fear I must inform you that there have been grievous errors regarding Mr.P's energy care. Due to your indisputable negligence, his karma has been irreparably damaged; the energy infusions and twelve sun salutations that you prescribed were clearly ill-suited to his aura, zodiac and stature. A more seasoned professional would have immediately recognized his need for a chakra un-clogging. Possibly with a toilet snake, but I acknowledge the variance in methods.

Please refund Mr.P's payment, in whole, by the next full moon. If you do not, I will be forced to create an effigy of your likeness and poke it with sharp needles while I jump over a bonfire. No one wants that. Please make your payment available in cash – moon rocks will not be accepted.

Thank you in advance for your cooperation,


Sincerely,


Determined Juliet, Star Crossed-Awesome Pants at Large.  

[The Magic Pudding]

Thank you for that hat suggestion Ali, I will steal it when the opportunity presents.

Thanks for the letter
Determined Juliet, Star Crossed-Awesome Pants at Large.
DJSCAPAL
Pants at Large.
PAL

[Ali]

DJ - ROFL!  Do me next!!!  Lessee....I want the Chinese place near my house to have not closed.  Do your worst!   

[DeterminedJuliet]

DJ - ROFL!  Do me next!!!  Lessee....I want the Chinese place near my house to have not closed.  Do your worst!   

Hahaha, I have a homework assignment due tonight and I have a flight tomorrow morning I haven't packed for yet, so I might not get a chance tonight, but I will! Don't you worry. I'll strike the fear of god into them, I will.

[kitty]

omg you guys are a perfect balance of witty, crazy and funny as. love it!
any excuse to laugh out loud at random and let my kids think i'm nuts (i'm not explaining blocked chakras to them lol)
made my day.
x

[OldGit]

Glad we make you laugh!

As for blocked chakras:  I'm not exactly sure what a chakra is, but I have a trusty set of drain-rods which have kept my pipes clear and swept my chimneys for 30 years.

[The Magic Pudding]

Glad we make you laugh!

As for blocked chakras:  I'm not exactly sure what a chakra is, but I have a trusty set of drain-rods which have kept my pipes clear and swept my chimneys for 30 years.

You seem to be slipping out of character, could you please restate that in old fogese please?
If you want, if it amuses you.

[Ali]

DJ - ROFL!  Do me next!!!  Lessee....I want the Chinese place near my house to have not closed.  Do your worst!   

Hahaha, I have a homework assignment due tonight and I have a flight tomorrow morning I haven't packed for yet, so I might not get a chance tonight, but I will! Don't you worry. I'll strike the fear of god into them, I will.

Sweet!  They'll never know what hit them!