Life <sigh>

[rlrose328]

I'm really down on humanity these days.  I know when I post here, it tends to be negative.  Usually, I'm pretty good at keeping a handle on it but lately, I've been living in what my husband affectionately calls it "his world."  

I can't remember that last time he socialized with someone other than his few friends from work.  He and the kid went rafting with one of them and his son a month ago... before that, a few lunches with his workmates.  But other than that, he hates humanity with a passion and avoids them at all costs.  It even translates to WoW... he joined a guild, hated the constant chit-chat and how the members carried on like "testerone drones" so he left that guild and went back to our personal guild (just our toons... we inherited it from someone else and everybody left due to inactivity, so we have our own guild bank... yippee).

I'm slowly getting to that point.  It's not that I'm depressed... I'm really not.  I'm on antidepressants.  I love my house, I did a workday at the school last weekend and chit-chatted the time away while we worked.  I have the DESIRE to be around people, but as soon as I am, I hate that I have to sit there and exchange pleasantries with people with whom I have nothing in common.

I did the talk at the school board last week... then watched as a newspaper article outlined the two moms I was with solely because they are with CFI... and now the entire thing is a CFI fight, not just moms wanting a good education for our kids during a religious class time.  When I tred to talk to one of the other moms about it (the one I know better), she basically told me "too bad, I don't see a problem" and when I explained further, she said she had just left her husband a few weeks before (which I knew... and she seemed fine with it when we talked) and she didn't want any more drama ("I don't mean that as a slam against you; I'm just sayin', OK?") and that she can't deal with my "little stuff."  I was taken aback... and I've let it go.  So the one local person with whom I shared at least a philosophy has decided that she doesn't want my drama and won't even acknowledge that we've got a problem.  Fine.  Whatever.

So now, I'm just done.  I want nothing to do with anyone else.  It's too hard to find someone to hang out with or share anything with (platonically) and too hard to maintain it.  I've got my husband, posting on here, the forum at the (online) MT school, and a few moms from the school occasionally.  That's it.  And most of the time, I don't want to deal with any of them (save my husband).

Why does it all have to be so hard?  Why are people so selfish??  Or is it just me?  Ugh.  

[Kylyssa]

I often wonder this myself.  

(((Hugs)))

[rlrose328]

Oh yea... forgot there IS a silver lining... Joe got me a 3-night stay at a nearby Marriott for next the first weekend in Oct!  Wow... I don't know whether to take some scrapbooking stuff and work on a project... or to just take my DS and a Pokemon cartridge and just veg for 3 days.  Wine WILL be a part of it... I so very rarely drink anymore at all, so it will be a treat.  

At least I have THAT going for me.  :shake:

[Will]

You've always got friends here.

When I first left religion, I found myself feeling entirely disconnected. I lived in an extremely religious area, and had all religious friends, many of whom I went to church with. I made the mistake of deciding to pretend to be Christian instead of being honest and actively seeking out people I can relate to. This phenomena can happen even when you're not a new atheist. You can feel very isolated even when you're not. If I may suggest, actively seek out like minded people in your community. Host a BBQ for neighbors and feel them out for friendship. Start a book club and invite people from the community (in a public place). I've personally found the best solution to this is taking college classes. Even when I'm not in school, I like to sign up for a fun class in a difficult subject. It's not enough to distract me from work or family responsibilities, but it offers a real sense of community with smarter and more driven people that I can connect with.

[Thom Phelps]

Another social enterprise is to start a game group (if you like to play board games). We have a board game group that meets twice a month at different people's houses and we've grown very close with our club. They're our second family. AND though our belief systems practically fill the rainbow (atheists, agnostics, pagans, Buddhists, Jews, UU, Christians and Wiccans) we all have the game-loving thing in common. Some discussions during the social time of our game nights might get spirited, but everybody respects each other and our primary focus is on friendship and gaming. If you don't want the physical social interaction, you could game online, too...

Check out http://www.boardgamegeek.com for game ideas.

[joeactor]

Harumph!  I hear 'ya.

I'm in a similar boat, but a bit reversed.  I find it hard to get out and go to things, but enjoy them when I do.
Can't say as I have many "IRL" friends.  Most are on forums.

My wife has been encouraging me to do a stage play.  It's a good idea and will probably raise my mood (been down of late).

DO enjoy your little hotel get-away!  Relax, renew, refocus!
JoeActor

[rlrose328]

Thanks so much you guys... my mood has improved over yesterday.  I got more sleep last night for a change.  Sleep has been quite restless, but I slept well last night.

I already know my neighbors as much as I wish to.  I consider one of my neighbors my best friend... but she has 2 very busy kids and a full-time job, so we don't have much time to socialize together.  We did before our kids were in school... and I miss those days.

A boardgame night would be an excellent idea!  As long as the conversation didn't turn to politics or religion... LOL!  And no matter what grouping of people I find myself in lately, it always does and it wears me out.  I was in a Bunco group a few years back.  And every night, they all discussed their churches at every table... what programs they were doing, gossiping about the members of the church, etc.  Very few times did we discuss anything else.  I finally quit because I just couldn't deal... I had nothing to add to any of the conversations.

Maybe a Book Club group?  If we are constantly talking about the book and not real life, maybe I could get into it without the anxiety of a heavy real-life discussion.

JoeActor, I think it would be a wonderful idea for you to do some stage work!  I did local theater many years ago as a stage manager... LOVED it.  There used to be a local stage group here in town but when they tore down the theater, it moved into the big city.  Since things are mostly at night and I have trouble driving at night, that left that group out.  Maybe I'll check that out again.  Everything is too verbal or busy to discuss stuff in the theater.  LOL!

I'm looking for silver linings...  

[Thom Phelps]

A boardgame night would be an excellent idea!  As long as the conversation didn't turn to politics or religion... LOL!  And no matter what grouping of people I find myself in lately, it always does and it wears me out.  I was in a Bunco group a few years back.  And every night, they all discussed their churches at every table... what programs they were doing, gossiping about the members of the church, etc.  Very few times did we discuss anything else.  I finally quit because I just couldn't deal... I had nothing to add to any of the conversations.

Maybe a Book Club group?  If we are constantly talking about the book and not real life, maybe I could get into it without the anxiety of a heavy real-life discussion.

We've found that you can avoid social conversation on game night by playing games that require too much thought for chit-chat, or have enough game-related conversation to keep the social talk to a minimum. This would especially work in games with set-up intensive phases to keep track of (like Puerto Rico, Dominion, Power Grid) or where you have to explain what you're doing while you're playing (Cartegena, Race for the Galaxy, Blue Moon City) or where winning the game is a cooperative effort that requires group discussion on everybody's turn (Red November, Arkham Horror). Word games are great for keeping the social talk to a minimum (Boggle, 25 Words or Less).

Our book club has some informal rules regarding talk: it's about the book. Not about babies or work or politics, etc., unless that's what the book is about. Each month's host (we do one book a month) comes up with a list of questions beforehand and then facilitates/moderates the conversation. Rarely do we get off topic.

I hope (if you're wanting to) that you and your husband build a happy, healthy, supportive social network. it just takes some work. I've known quite a few "anti-social" peolple over the years who prefer solitude to human interaction and their lives have invariably spiraled into dark, hermit-like existences. As they've withdrawn, they've grown lonely, bitter, and mistrusting of the world beyond their front door.  :pop: . But those people I know (re: friends, family, and acquaintances) who've shunned human interaction for Glenn Beck and a house full of cats are also the ones who send me wild, conspiracy-theory emails laden with emoticons and have become the most close-minded people I know.  

[rlrose328]

I hope (if you're wanting to) that you and your husband build a happy, healthy, supportive social network. it just takes some work. I've known quite a few "anti-social" peolple over the years who prefer solitude to human interaction and their lives have invariably spiraled into dark, hermit-like existences. As they've withdrawn, they've grown lonely, bitter, and mistrusting of the world beyond their front door.  :pop: . But those people I know (re: friends, family, and acquaintances) who've shunned human interaction for Glenn Beck and a house full of cats are also the ones who send me wild, conspiracy-theory emails laden with emoticons and have become the most close-minded people I know.   lol

I've been called closed-minded.  I'm okay with that.  As Bucky Katt would say, "I'm not closed minded, you're just wrong."  

[VanReal]

I don't see a problem.  People are over-rated.  If I didn't have to leave the house and do the little "small talk" or "social" thing at work all day I would be just fine.  I'm thinking that me, my cats, my books, and laptop would do just fine in a log cabin in the woods somewhere.  Now, if the lotto would jsut pay off I'd be sitting pretty, alone and happy!

I always kind of feel bad for people that have to be around other people all of the time.  There is a lot to be said for being able to self-entertain.  It does pose a problem though when you do actually want some human contact.  I figure that is what family is for, you can drop in them at any time even when you've been a slacker and keeping in touch.  Maybe I have Aspergers?

[quizlixx]

[youtube:18ehhz8i]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XHFy3YWpRx8[/youtube:18ehhz8i]

[LoneMateria]

I don't see a problem.  People are over-rated.  If I didn't have to leave the house and do the little "small talk" or "social" thing at work all day I would be just fine.  I'm thinking that me, my cats, my books, and laptop would do just fine in a log cabin in the woods somewhere.  Now, if the lotto would jsut pay off I'd be sitting pretty, alone and happy!

I always kind of feel bad for people that have to be around other people all of the time.  There is a lot to be said for being able to self-entertain.  It does pose a problem though when you do actually want some human contact.  I figure that is what family is for, you can drop in them at any time even when you've been a slacker and keeping in touch.  Maybe I have Aspergers?

You like foamy the squirrel dont you?  http://illwillpress.com for those of you who don't worship him ^_^ just remember he will stab your eyes until your bleed, hes the lord and master ^_^