Today I am a Christian.

[Heretical Rants]

Just for today.

Might be interesting.  I'm going to put on a suit and go forth to preach God's word  

[Heretical Rants]

Day one as a Christian:

Today God made me piss my pants.

I had spent the entire night on an Islamic forum explaining why Christ and only Christ is the Way and the Light.  During this time I drank a lot of holy water from under the kitchen sink.  The sink leaks, so I collect the water that flows from it for later use.  I have not fixed it because it is clearly God's will that it be broken.  This is why the water is Holy.

Upon hearing the song birds sing in expectation of the rising sun, I rose up and stretched with my arms out, in emulation of the Messiah's sacrifice.

The first thing I did was take the dog on a run on the unicycle.  One bad thing about the unicycle is that it cuts off all blood flow to the perineum after extended periods.  Mostly this is alleviated by spending a time standing up on the pedals rather than sitting down on the seat, but after a time the burn of stagnating blood simply became too great and I dismounted.

I was walking the dog on a path by the river, when suddenly a great shiver went down my spine.
Maybe it was the icy breeze, or the caffeine, or even the great majesty of the early morning, but in any case, my bladder was full, and the muscles used to control it were weakened.  I immediately dropped my trousers to finish the great purge, but the damage had already been done: approximately two drops of urine stained my Jesus-themed briefs.

I can only thank the Lord that this did not happen in public.

[karadan]

Haha!

God works in mysterious ways, bro.

[curiosityandthecat]

So is it ending with day one or are you going to venture out into the world of Christendom for yet another run?

[Will]

*shudders* Creepy...

[Heretical Rants]

Today I drew pictures of hawt demon girls, just like a good Christian  

In any case, I've got the suit and tie laid out for tomorrow's session of preaching.

I know just what to say now when I encounter a nonbeliever....

[Ninteen45]

*Crickets*

[curiosityandthecat]

*Crickets*

He's probably too busy saving heathens and complaining about Obama to post.  

[Heretical Rants]

Ah, yes.


I've gotten some interesting responses.

I'll try and find the time to write some of them up later.