A little help needed.

[Neoncamouflage]

I was on here ages ago and loved this place, so I decided to return with a need for some advice.

A few weeks ago I made the mistake of letting it slip I was an Atheist to my parents. Now my dad is fine, but my mom is ready to disown me. She makes little comments daily about it, like handing me a bible and saying, "Here, you might learn something" when we're cleaning or commenting on my ethics. I'm starting to feel like I should just lie and say I converted back to Christianity. What do you guys think?

[Sheeplauncher]

Do not back down. There is no need to lie about something you believe in. Tell your mom that you respect Christianity and your not going to force your views on her and she should not try to force hers on you. Say after all the constitution warrants me freedom of religion and freedom FROM religion. I have found in my experience with my parents that you need to take the high road when talking about your beliefs. Don't get into a religious debate and if you get in trouble just walk away. If she continues to hand you the bible say something like "Sorry, but i don't believe in fairy tales anymore" Use humor or take the moral high ground to play it off and try to avoid a full blown confrontation or an enormous religious debate. If you do into a big debate just argue your reasoning and make it short and sweet, because its is generally impossible to triumph against ignorance.

Just my 2 cents.

[JillSwift]

Don't make a big deal out of it, just keep treating both of your parents well and she'll eventually get over it.

[Sophus]

Do not back down. There is no need to lie about something you believe in. Tell your mom that you respect Christianity and your not going to force your views on her and she should not try to force hers on you. Say after all the constitution warrants me freedom of religion and freedom FROM religion. I have found in my experience with my parents that you need to take the high road when talking about your beliefs. Don't get into a religious debate and if you get in trouble just walk away. If she continues to hand you the bible say something like "Sorry, but i don't believe in fairy tales anymore" Use humor or take the moral high ground to play it off and try to avoid a full blown confrontation or an enormous religious debate. If you do into a big debate just argue your reasoning and make it short and sweet, because its is generally impossible to triumph against ignorance.

Just my 2 cents.

I second this.

[Chimera]

I also agree with Sheeplauncher. Don't back down. It's important that your mom realizes you're still the same person, whether you believe in God or not.

[Neoncamouflage]

Thanks guys, I guess you're right. I wish she would just start an argument, the biting comments kinda eat at me. I'd like to get it all over with.

And I can see how that fairytale joke would go over. Very very badly. She already flipped out on me once because I was visiting a site that detailed bible contradictions. Said if I kept reading that trash I was living with relatives...

[Sophus]

Thanks guys, I guess you're right. I wish she would just start an argument, the biting comments kinda eat at me. I'd like to get it all over with.

And I can see how that fairytale joke would go over. Very very badly. She already flipped out on me once because I was visiting a site that detailed bible contradictions. Said if I kept reading that trash I was living with relatives...

That's a shame. I would say "Can't we just agree to disagree?". I think most religious people feel a bit threatened by atheists simply for their skepticism. Just let her know you don't want one difference in belief to come between you.

Hope it goes well for you.

[Chimera]

Thanks guys, I guess you're right. I wish she would just start an argument, the biting comments kinda eat at me. I'd like to get it all over with.

And I can see how that fairytale joke would go over. Very very badly. She already flipped out on me once because I was visiting a site that detailed bible contradictions. Said if I kept reading that trash I was living with relatives...

That really sucks. I hope she gets over herself soon...you're her kid, after all.

BTW, what's the URL to that site? I'd like to check it out.

[thiolsulfate]

I was once in the position you were in.

My parents made a surprise visit to my dorm when I was at the height of my exploration of atheism. I had Dawkins and Hitchens etc all over my desk and on my night stand; my crucifix was taken off the wall as well as my rosary and Patron Saint Medallion. (Previously they had found a copy of the Koran in my backpack when I was exploring other equally ridiculous religions.)

They were shocked and appalled. They asked me why and I told them exactly why. Having read the bible, I found the text useless except as an effective way to waste paper. (It was also at this time that I discovered that neither of them had actually read the bible cover to cover, that I was the strange party for having read it, and having dared them they said [to my surprise] that the bible wasn't necessary to be a Christian. I guessed the Pope had been sorely mistaken.) Having looked into other faiths I found them all equally dim in explaining phenomenon especially when the candle of faith is stood beside the roaring galactic furnace of science; they were all worthless guides for morality, full of unfulfillable commands, internal contradictions and incoherency; even chronologically they have no internal coherency and an even more wretched parallel to how we know things actually occurred; the few external records of biblical events are specious at best (that Josephus could be an orthodox Jew his whole life and still write that there was a man named Jesus who was the Christ and have that phrasing in any form appear only ONCE -- THAT THE SAVIOR OF MAN KIND, WHO COULD RAISE THE FUCKING DEAD, CAME AND WENT AND A HISTORIAN WOULD ONLY MAKE ONE REMARK IN PASSING ON HIM seems a bit suspicious and reeks of tampering).

I told them that I did not believe in a god of any kind; that I truly, honestly, and totally revoked any and all proclamations stating otherwise.

It's only been about a year but they've accepted that I've become a total rationalist. I discovered recently that my brother and sister are also of the same mind and while my parents have hope that we will return to the church I doubt that our occasional visits to the building where an effigy of a murder victim is nailed to a board will ever go beyond that.

Just give it time. Your mom is worried about your soul as my parents were for mine. Telling them that souls don't exist won't fix the problem, believe me. Just keep on and be consistent. Don't be wishy washy or they won't take it seriously.

Also, go a step further. Go get a nice thick list of stupid shit from the bible. Whenever your mom hands you a verse, have one on you at all times to give back.

[thiolsulfate]

Oh shi-

I just realized you're in West Virginia -- um -- oh dear.

Ok. I dunno -- are you an adult yet?

[thiolsulfate]

Thanks guys, I guess you're right. I wish she would just start an argument, the biting comments kinda eat at me. I'd like to get it all over with.

And I can see how that fairytale joke would go over. Very very badly. She already flipped out on me once because I was visiting a site that detailed bible contradictions. Said if I kept reading that trash I was living with relatives...

That really sucks. I hope she gets over herself soon...you're her kid, after all.

BTW, what's the URL to that site? I'd like to check it out.

I'm going to guess it's this one:
http://skepticsannotatedbible.com/

It's certainly one of the best.

[Neoncamouflage]

Yep, I'm in a tiny backwoods town in southern West Virginia. Atheists are a bit of a rarity. One friend, when I told him, actually asked me how that was possible. That's actually the same thing I asked my best friend when I was 10, everybody had kept the word Atheist hidden from me till then. And I'm 16.

That's the site. Thanks for the link too, I'd lost it and was gonna have to track it down again.

[Hat]

Hi I'm also an Atheist in a total believer community, lets be Best Friends 8D

I'm in a Catholic part of N. Ireland so...yeah, I sort of know the feeling. I'd try and be nice about it all at first, like ask her politely why she's doing what she's doing when you're not doing anything of the sort to her. Or you could do what I did; In the heat of an argument once with my Mother I shouted “What is it about Atheists that you hate/dislike/are afraid of?” (It was summat like that, I can't remember exactly because I was Rage Mode) to which she told me that her preconceived notion of them was that they would try and force any Believer to believe otherwise. I felt pretty insulted that she thought I was one of Those Atheists and calmly told her that I won't do anything of the sort, so long as she left me be to believe what I want.

Hopefully you won't be shouting that in the middle of an argument but you could just try talking to them. Oh, and try to get your Dad to convince your Mum that it's all good. I'm assuming he's totally fine with it otherwise you wouldn't have said that he thought it was fine |D;;

[thiolsulfate]

Catholics in N. Ireland? I didn't even think that was possible.

But yeah, cozy up to your dad, he's probably going to be your only friend in all this. Find some kind of neutral ground with him and grow something on that.

I'm still living at home because finding a job right out of college is fucking impossible and both of my parents are Right Wing Catholics. But they recognize that I am an adult (which, unfortunately, isn't an argument you can use effectively just yet) and when we do talk about my atheism and why I don't believe in the big mall cop in the sky I go at it like any other bad argument and ultimately I win because religion at all levels is indefensible.

If I was in your shoes, I would do two things: 1) get close to your dad because if your mom flies off the handle he may be the only one to keep her in check, 2) go about your atheism quietly, i.e. do your reading quietly, away from prying eyes; but if challenged don't be afraid of confronting it.

And always be sure of yourself. Find the nonsense bible passages, read the critiques of biblical chronology, understand fully and totally why religion is a bad argument and why faith is exaggerated superstition. You'll feel better and more sure about yourself and the world around you, I guarantee.

[Karras]

Catholics in N. Ireland? I didn't even think that was possible.

There most certainly are Catholics in N.Ireland and I expect friction between the two sides is a significant contributing factor to the problems there.

Me, I have it pretty easy as few people really care if you don't believe, over here in England. I count myself lucky I do not live somewhere they take religion more seriously.

she told me that her preconceived notion of them was that they would try and force any Believer to believe otherwise.

I think there is a saying about pots and kettles that fits here.