So I came out to my parents...

[PipeBox]

It was remarkably painless.  I always figured, in some way, that it'd be especially emotional for me or them.  Maybe it was for them, but they controlled it pretty well if that was their case.

I was educating my father on the finer point of the God-of-the-Gaps he was endorsing, because he was snorting at the idea of a certain kind of dinosaur dominating what is now Madagascar for 8 million years, laughing and saying, with contempt, that the scientists say this and that about dinosaurs when the world is only 10,000 years old.  Specifically I was telling him how science worked and why a God-of-the-Gaps was so weak, and that evolution and an old earth were not strikes against God, just reality, much as the Earth orbiting the Sun, and that he shouldn't use God to fill gaps in knowledge.  Apparently he was only thinking one thing the whole time, because he tried to interrupt me several times (which means he wasn't listening, but meh).  So when I finished he said he just wanted to ask me one question, "I just wanna know, do you believe in God?"

I hung my head down to hide something of a smile and the undoubtedly weird look on my face, but I knew after about 3 seconds that I had to answer, and that I had already taken too long to lie, as though I were righteous.  I didn't think about it, or debate it in my head, I just said "No."   And I was shocked by the confidence and calmness in my voice.  I thought it should have wavered or something, but it didn't.  My dad and mom were shocked and I let them ask whatever questions they wanted.  It went on for awhile.  At first my mom looked like she wanted to cry, and almost immediately my dad tried to ask her where they went wrong.  I forget the exact details, but his statement was in response to my being able to answer another question so countered by asking him where the flaw in my thinking, in my information was.  I told him that I was thinking reasonably, so they hadn't gone wrong anywhere.  He didn't ask again.

For about 30 minutes my parents got drilled, being neither devout believers, nor being interested in philosophy or science, nor being especially knowledgeable about the Bible.  At some point they tried to recruit my brother, only to have him admit he was an atheist (who can't be bothered to post, just lurk!) and start backing me up.  My mom stopped looking like she wanted to cry and started re-asking my father my questions when he tried to sidestep them, going so far as to back me up when some of his replies were weak.  I was a bit shocked.  But she still wants me to believe, and tried offering evidence for the supernatural based on the timing of various family members' deaths, which is really no evidence at all.  My dad backed off and said he wasn't smart enough and that he wanted me to talk to a priest, for just 10 minutes, even.  I told him I'd talk to a priest for a couple hours if it'd make him feel better.  I already know the priest isn't going to persuade me to believe again.   But I answered their questions so thoroughly, I think they were impressed.  Not happy, very uncomfortable, but convinced I wasn't just trying to be cool.  And I wasn't shaky, or unsure.  When questioned, I stated my thoughts without being shy.  There were a few things I left unsaid because I didn't want to offend, but I didn't need to say them.

I just can't believe it went so well.  I hadn't expected it to feel so normal.

Anyway, I'm sure they'll talk behind my back and ask where they went wrong of each other, and my father is going to talk to my next door neighbor right now about it, to rant and get approval, no doubt.  My mom asked if my friends were atheists, with a tone in her voice leading me to believe she thinks I'm conforming or trying to be cool, or maybe to find someone to blame, I'm not sure.  I didn't get the impression it was because she wanted me to have friends I related to in that way...   Anyway, it's over now, and other than a meeting that might drive a certain priest to pull out some of his hair (actually, he's quite tempered, so he won't), I think I'm free to not believe.

Thanks for reading, because I needed to talk and none of the people I've met in person are online.  I'm not especially excited or happy by the turn of events, except by how well they went, all things considered.  And now I'm a bit wired.  

[Will]

Holy crap so you both came out at the same time! Brutal. Still, it shows real bravery to share yourself with people. It shows that you respect your parents enough to tell them the truth. I honestly hope you're proud of yourself because you did something incredible.

Be careful with the priest. If you accidentally convince him to be an atheist he'll have to enter an extremely difficult job market.

[curiosityandthecat]

Yay!! Congrats!  

[knight]

Congratulations! I think you are absolutely right to stick to your ground. You're much braver than I was. I had written a letter to my mom (my dad still doesn't know, and I think it's going to stay that way) detailing why. Looking back at it, it's quite embarrassing how I "came out." It's wonderful things worked out so nicely for you.

You probably won't convince your parents of anything, but I highly doubt the subject will come up much if you keep countering their arguments.

It's funny. Right after I ended up telling my mom, we spoke for over an hour on religion and superstition. Neither one of us really made any spectacular points, but it was the first time we actually had such a conversation. A few weeks later, a Baptist knocked on our door. And then a few hours after the Baptist, a JW knocked, followed by someone else. By the last knock, my mom said "It's no wonder why you're an atheist." The way she said it makes me think she was truly considering what we had talked about.

Even if your parents still continue to believe in their religion, perhaps having atheist children will force them to become more accepting.

[PipeBox]

Thanks for the support.  I really don't think they'll be asking me too many things in the future, though my my mom just asked me if I believed in reincarnation (the hardest part for her is grasping that I don't believe in any kind of afterlife, and that I don't want to live forever, just a really long time), followed by whether I was a Scientologist.  I don't think she's familiar with the claims that religion makes or how ridiculously stupid they are, she's just aware it's  generally bad, and hey, it sounds science-y!  But it has been good to get some of the basics out of the way, because as you said, Knight, we never really discussed religion.

Seeing how things are around here, I don't expect much the priest is going to have any effect.  He probably has to worry about converting atheists as often as he has to marry lesbians.  Which is to say, around here, not at all.

Going back to my original post to correct a few gross typos, as apparently my mind got ahead of my fingers again.  

[Hat]

It takes a lot of courage to tell the parents something like this, congrats!

My "coming out" experience was similar to yours. Mum and I sat for a good while talking about religious topics and she asked me to explain why I didn’t believe anymore. I think it upset her, since she used the “Where did we go wrong?” line too, but she came to terms with it slowly. She also thought it was a new Fad I was getting in to, that it was cool to claim to be Atheist. I suppose that’s what happens when you tell her you found the definition on the Internet...Nowadays though, she’s cool about it. She worries that I’ll be teased and made fun of if I tell anyone else outside the family due to a bad experience at College one day, so she’s not too keen on the Idea of me telling people anymore. Funnily enough, Mum hasn’t asked me to go talk to a priest yet...She’s probably saving that question for Lourdes in the Summer which would probably backfire hilariously since the priest going is an Awesome Friend of mine.

[VanReal]

Way to go!  And I am very impressed at how you handled this in a civil and respectful manner and I am sure that is a huge relief and release of a burden.  As a mom of a teenager, which causes me to interact with many, I can say your ability to think, explain, and remain respectful is very refreshing and that is a great thing!  And most, congratulations for getting it out there and getting at least one monkey off of your back  

[curiosityandthecat]

Definitely better than my way: drunk over the phone.  

[joeactor]

Good for you.

Your parents might surprise you.
I know my Mom and I had several in-depth conversattions. She seemed to get more curious and open as she got older.  Some folks are like that...

Cheers,
JoeActor

[Twiddler]

Congrats on being able to have such a free discussion about the issue with your parents.  That's pretty cool.  I know when I "came out" they were just puzzled as hell and simply asked me not to tell my grandma (which is legitimate, she's in her mid seventies and an incredible woman but she would definitely take my being an atheist the wrong way).  Hopefully I'll be able to have a free discussion like that later on with my parents, because there are just so many things that could be said about my beliefs that would clear things up for them, as opposed to the Christian view of atheists.

[Kylyssa]

Congratulations.  Well handled.

I'm extremely glad to hear your parents have taken it so well.  The key now is to just be the same lovable kid you've always been and to not be a pest on religious issues.  That's to give your parents time for the idea to settle in and to feel comfortable with it.  

Your parents deserve praise, too, for being so cool with it.  I've taken in four teens over the years for religion (or non-religion) related comings out so it's a joy to hear about it when things go right.  

I think it's awesome that you have a little support group (of sorts) in your brother.  Heck, your parents must be doing something right to raise two free-thinking kids.

[Whitney]

Along these same lines...my dad might be joining the forum    The religion topic came up over the weekend because we were watching Schindler's List and of course a movie like that leads to how could a God allow that kind of stuff to happen (For the lurkers; yes I know that's not an argument against all gods).  Long story short, he thought the forum was cool and pretty much agrees with my views towards religion.

[templeboy]

oooo, the coming-out stories thing? I love reading how other peoples came to become atheists, and how they came to share it with friends and family

Pipebox, you got it spot-on. When the subject comes up, be honest, never shy away (unless you would be put in real physical danger.) Congrats.

I don't have a coming-out story. Despite living in a city called Christchurch, religion here is a very private matter to most people, and Christians seem to often have to admit their faith in the same apologetic or defensive way that American Atheists have to. And my family was never ever religous, so really atheism comes as naturally to me as standing on 2 legs.

[liveyoungdiefast]

That story is inspirational. So is Bill Maher and his mom talking in Religulous.

[VanReal]

Along these same lines...my dad might be joining the forum    The religion topic came up over the weekend because we were watching Schindler's List and of course a movie like that leads to how could a God allow that kind of stuff to happen (For the lurkers; yes I know that's not an argument against all gods).  Long story short, he thought the forum was cool and pretty much agrees with my views towards religion.

Very neat!  Were you aware of this common view prior to this discussion?  And, does he know that this is a totally honest forum and anything asked of him regarding you he must tell?   Hehe.  If it were my dad I would be setting down very strict ground rules in advance.