need help coming out

[quizlixx]

of the atheist closet. hey guys, my names deadhead and i dont know how to tell my crazy religious family i'm an atheist. i told all my friends but for some reason i'm having a hard time telling my family. i'm 14 and still living at home. not telling is not something i want to do. but i am afraid of how it will affect those around me.

[susangail]

Welcome to HAF!

I was in the same boat as you. Trust me, don't tell your parents unless you have to. I'm 16 and I had to cause my dad was going crazy on me. It was a very bad situation and I wish I could have continued hiding it. What exactly are you afraid of? I know how it is to be around a bunch of religious people, esp since they are related to you. It sucks. If you feel like you need to tell them, do your research first. Know exactly what you do and don't believe and why. That's important. I had to sort of debate with my dad when I told him. I was completely unprepared and it was a nightmare.
This place will help a lot. It helped me. Take a look around. Once you gain confidence, you'll be able to figure out your situation.

Happy posting!

[McQ]

of the atheist closet. hey guys, my names deadhead and i dont know how to tell my crazy religious family i'm an atheist. i told all my friends but for some reason i'm having a hard time telling my family. i'm 14 and still living at home. not telling is not something i want to do. but i am afraid of how it will affect those around me.

Welcome to the forum. At 14, you are under the guidance, supervision, and legal authority of your parents. It's tough when you disagree with them on such a fundamental level (no pun intended). There's no magic words to break this to them. Likely you will have to remain closeted until you move away, or find some middle ground if at all possible. You have to respect their desire to continue to raise you in their household the way they think is best, without being untrue to yourself. That is not easy. I hope that they are reasonable people, but your description of them leaves me with the impression that this will be a long haul for you.

Stick around the forum, and maybe you'll get some good advice and ideas. There are good people here who can help out.

[weedoch]

Hi deadhead, welcome to the forum.   I don't have any pearls of wisdom I'm afraid. I think you have to accept that you're parents aren't going to be happy about your views, and try to remember that no matter how crazy they may seem, in their minds they want the best for you. I often wonder how I would feel if my kids became uber-conservative or racist or something else I reviled. I hope that I could allow them to be who they are but my tolerance would definitely be tested! If you have the support of your friends you have a head start in feeling good about your choices. Good luck.

[quizlixx]

i have been posing some hypotheticals to my family individually. my dad was getting angry so i had to start going like "and what if i was gay, what if i got a sex change" to kinda divert the atheist thing. my mom was taking it really personal and saying she'd failed as a mother (and i stressed the word hypothetical to her many times to calm her. my little sister started to freak out. the only person who i think might be cool with it is my grandmother. she is verry liberal, but still a christian. i think she might be hiding in the atheist closet because she dosen't go to church and we dont talk about religion.

[susangail]

i have been posing some hypotheticals to my family individually. my dad was getting angry so i had to start going like "and what if i was gay, what if i got a sex change" to kinda divert the atheist thing. my mom was taking it really personal and saying she'd failed as a mother (and i stressed the word hypothetical to her many times to calm her. my little sister started to freak out. the only person who i think might be cool with it is my grandmother. she is verry liberal, but still a christian. i think she might be hiding in the atheist closet because she dosen't go to church and we dont talk about religion.

I tried hypotheticals. My dad took me seriously no matter what I said. He out-and-out asked me if I was an atheist because of them. I lied but came out later anyway. It does help to get an idea of what they would do, but it just mostly makes them suspicious. Be careful.

[McQ]

i have been posing some hypotheticals to my family individually. my dad was getting angry so i had to start going like "and what if i was gay, what if i got a sex change" to kinda divert the atheist thing. my mom was taking it really personal and saying she'd failed as a mother (and i stressed the word hypothetical to her many times to calm her. my little sister started to freak out. the only person who i think might be cool with it is my grandmother. she is verry liberal, but still a christian. i think she might be hiding in the atheist closet because she dosen't go to church and we dont talk about religion.

Then the person you need to talk with is your grandmother. Talk in broad terms about life, religion, belief systems, and feel her out on it. That's your starting point.

[Evolved]

Hey deadhead.  Welcome to the forum.

It looks like you've been given some great advice from other members...I don't have that much to add.  Susangail seems right on target with some fresh experience related to your situation.  Read and heed.

When all else fails, as I have suggested to another newbie, throw a dancing Jeebus at 'em.  It'll distract them.

[MommaSquid]

i have been posing some hypotheticals to my family individually. my dad was getting angry so i had to start going like "and what if i was gay, what if i got a sex change" to kinda divert the atheist thing. my mom was taking it really personal and saying she'd failed as a mother (and i stressed the word hypothetical to her many times to calm her. my little sister started to freak out. the only person who i think might be cool with it is my grandmother. she is verry liberal, but still a christian. i think she might be hiding in the atheist closet because she dosen't go to church and we dont talk about religion.

Take your cues from grandma.  Button your lip, think your own thoughts, share only as much or as little as necessary.  You will need your parent's financial and emotional support for a very long time--don't strain the relationship.

Welcome to the forum, deadhead.

[curiosityandthecat]

Take your cues from grandma.  Button your lip, think your own thoughts, share only as much or as little as necessary.  You will need your parent's financial and emotional support for a very long time--don't strain the relationship.

Agreed. What they don't know can't harm you financially.   Could be worse... you could live in a place where they kill you for admitting non-belief. Here's a point to remember, though: your "crazy" religious family with their belief is going to view you as just as "crazy" for your disbelief. It's all about perspective.

Good luck!

[quizlixx]

wow when i look back on this, it reminds me of how much i struggled with it. kinda depressing

[Lilbeth]

WOW! What a tough spot to be in.....If it will strain your relationship with them....think of your own survival....and wait until you move out to lay it on them....Darwin says take care of your own survival first.....Only you would know how tough they will be on you........Don't let the I failed as a mother speach get to you, too badly......

[Will]

There's nothing wrong with waiting. I didn't explain my worldview to my parents until I was well over 18, and I'm glad I waited. They wouldn't have understood how serious I was if they heard such wisdom coming from a teenager, they would have dismissed it as something trivial. That kind of response isn't what you're looking for.

[Kylyssa]

Edited - I just noticed how old this thread is. LOL

[quizlixx]

guys, i told em a LONG time ago, was just commenting on how far i've come. lol