Am I Spoiled for Disliking my Father?

[Godless]

Okay, so lately I've been kind of thinking about my relationship with my father and I came to the conclusion that I do not like him very much. This is because he seems senile and close-minded to me. He yells at me and others when it is unnecessary, he sometimes talks aggressively when talking about trivial subjects, and he doesn't seem open to new things. Back in October, I wanted a new computer but instead of buying one, I wanted to build one. When I told him this, he told me that I don't know what I'm doing and that I should just let a professional do it or go buy one from the store. I went ahead and ordered the parts online anyway despite his opposition, because I am pretty much a computer geek and he was severely underestimating my abilities with computers. Guess what? I assembled my computer, it worked perfected and my father didn't say anything after that, not to mention I saved a whole bunch of money over buying a retail computer with the same specs. A few months ago, I told him that I was only interested in white girls and not Asian girls (I'm Asian btw) and like I predicted, he generalized and stereotyped white girls as people who just party all the time and do nothing productive with their time. This just pissed me off, because he obviously was not raised in America nor has he met any white girls. In addition to that, I know a lot of white girls who are a lot smarter than I am and I was and currently am attracted to a white girl who I've been eying since last year. Now, when it comes to going out in public, I just feel extremely awkward sometimes, because my father speaks very broken English and some people cannot understand what he is saying at all. He keeps his cell phone on speaker phone and it is very loud; I can pretty much hear the other person on the phone on the other side of my house, but the bad thing is that he speaks very loudly on the phone in public and it just adds a lot to the awkwardness. When at home, he just lets off and farts very loudly and I just find it disgusting as hell. I just do not like my father, despite the fact that he has pretty much taken care of me along with my mother all my life. However, does this make me spoiled for not liking and appreciating him?

[NaturaLCalamity]

Hi there. All I have to say is wow! I know exactly how you feel man. I'm an Asian-American raised in SoCal and I sometimes feel this way about my parents also. But, I have never ever came to the conclusion of disliking them or hating them. My parents weren't raised in America either, but I have never put that upon them. They had a harsh background, and if they didn't move to America, my family would have been executed believe it or not. I love my parents even though they embarrass me at times. And yes, my mother is very loud on the phone, sometimes I can't even stand it. One more thing, about the "liking only white girl" thing is completely arrogant in my opinion. You sound exactly like my brother because he said he would never date an asian girl. You have to realize that everyone is the same underneath, unfortunately, pigments of the skin makes us think otherwise. Give everyone a chance dude, even asian girls. As for your parents, I think you don't mean it when you say you "dislike" them. I think you're just going through your "high school" phase. If you're not in high school, please correct me. Anyways, good luck trying to establish a better relationship with your father. Good luck!

-Rith

[Will]

I remember the first time I heard of people building their own computers. It seemed incredibly complicated to me, being uneducated and inexperienced. I was surprised to learn it's really not complicated. Case, power, motherboard, processor, ram, video card, hard drive, and disc drive... presto! All I had to do was watch someone build one and it was immediately obvious that all the hard work is done on the part of the hardware manufacturer and anyone that's ever played with legos can probably assemble one. Maybe you should show your father (in a respectful way) how easy it really is.

It's probably the most normal thing in the universe to be embarrassed by your parents, whether they intend to embarrass you or not. My parents, being the characters they are, used to embarrass me on purpose. My dad would wear overalls if he knew I had friends coming over and my mom would treat my friends like they were a lot younger than they are. And there's the old cliche of baby pictures, of course. Still, those were never things that made me not love or like them. Looking back, they were really unimportant in the grand scheme of my childhood and adolescence.

To answer your question, you're not spoiled at all for not liking your father, but I would recommend trying to stay objective. Farting freely and talking way too loudly on a cell phone aren't serious character flaws, they're just quirks that you happen not to like. Grab some febreeze for the farts and soundproof your room for the cell phone and you can coexist peacefully. The computer thing is a bit different; does your dad know who you are? It's really difficult to let an embarrassing parent in when you're a teenager. They can be frustrating in a big way. Just ask yourself this: does your father have your best interests at heart? If the answer is yes, as I suspect it will be, you may want to cut him a bit of slack. He's probably working to feed and clothe you, and I don't think it would be a stretch to say that he loves you, it's just that he's proud and doesn't quite know how best to show it.

[MommaSquid]

Hi, Godless.  It's safe to say that every teenager is mortified by some behavior their father or mother does.  And every child does things their parents don't like.  It's all part of being human.  My father embarassed the hell out of me when I was living at home.  But try to cut your father some slack--he is probably doing the best he can.

It sounds like you have it pretty good at home.  You have a roof over your head and enough freedom to have a computer and chat with the likes of us!  Will is right on the mark--re-read what he wrote and try to be kind to your dad.  I'm sure he loves you very much.

[Ninteen45]

Paaaaaaaarp.

Wait, What was that? Oh, Parents. My mums the same. Apparently Knock Knock jokes are an aquired taste.

[Godless]

Hi there. All I have to say is wow! I know exactly how you feel man. I'm an Asian-American raised in SoCal and I sometimes feel this way about my parents also. But, I have never ever came to the conclusion of disliking them or hating them. My parents weren't raised in America either, but I have never put that upon them. They had a harsh background, and if they didn't move to America, my family would have been executed believe it or not. I love my parents even though they embarrass me at times. And yes, my mother is very loud on the phone, sometimes I can't even stand it. One more thing, about the "liking only white girl" thing is completely arrogant in my opinion. You sound exactly like my brother because he said he would never date an asian girl. You have to realize that everyone is the same underneath, unfortunately, pigments of the skin makes us think otherwise. Give everyone a chance dude, even asian girls. As for your parents, I think you don't mean it when you say you "dislike" them. I think you're just going through your "high school" phase. If you're not in high school, please correct me. Anyways, good luck trying to establish a better relationship with your father. Good luck!

-Rith

Well, here's the thing... I find that whenever I look at Asian girls and talk to them, I just do not really feel attracted to any of them. On the other hand, I just find white girls more physically attractive and I tend to like their personalities more. I just don't know why I feel this way. Maybe I haven't met the right Asian girls? But it doesn't change the fact that I'm currently attracted to a white girl, but I haven't had the balls to approach her and tell her that I like her. She was in three of my classes last year, but none this year so I barely see her now. Hell, I don't really know if she likes me. Also, yes, I'm in high school - a senior graduating in early June and I am eighteen years old.

Will: I've pretty much had a passion for technology ever since I was young, specifically computers. I have been upgrading and self-troubleshooting my own computers ever since I was eleven or twelve years old, spending tons of money on computer parts. It was not until last October that I finally decided to build an entire computer as I had enough money that I made from my summer job. Despite this, I guess my father has not really taken notice of my computer skills even though this has been going on for a long time. I told my parents that I want to become a computer engineer, but like the way they are, they told me that a lot of people are getting laid off and that it will be hard to find a job. They want me to become a doctor, telling me it is a respectable job that makes lots of money. I responded by telling them that I have absolutely no interest in being a doctor and that my place is technology. I find it funny that so many Asian parents want their kids to grow up to be doctors. Do they not realize that there are many other respectable and well paying jobs, like scientists, engineers, etc?

However, I thank you guys for your advice. I guess I'll probably appreciate him more as I continue to mature and come to realize what he has done for me.

[Whitney]

I thought I'd throw my two cents in:

Like others have said it's a teenager thing to not like your parents and you will probably grow out of it.  However, you might want to think about working on how to communicate better with your father so this doesn't become a long term problem.  Unnecessary criticism of adult children by their parents seems to be one of the main reasons adults end up not wanting to talk to their parents very often.  Imo, your description of your dad is not a reason to dislike him, it's just a reason to be frustrated.  If he starts beating, neglecting, an addict, or otherwise becomes abusive...then you'd have a reason to dislike him.

As for careers, maybe you could look into classes related to medical technology and take one just to make your parents happy.  It would probably fill up one of your required elective classes anyway.  Plus, since you don't have to take pre-med in order to get into medical school you could tell your parents that you are keeping that door open even if you are sure now that you don't want to go to med school.  A lot of people change their minds on career paths during their first two years of college...I've even known people who were about to graduate or did graduate then decide their major wasn't something they wanted to use.

White, black, asian etc girls do not act a certain way due to their race.  It has to do with the way they are raised and other experiences in life which have affected their personalities; it just so happens that races tend to share the same cultural influences.  Also, high schools produce a terrible dating pool and shouldn't be used as a basis for why type of girl you like.  Not to mention that your personality, views, and dating expectations have a good chance of changing over the next 2 to 5 years as you mature further.

Btw, you can't know if she likes you if you are too shy to ask her out.  Just go for it.  The worst that can happen is she says no.

[Will]

Will: I've pretty much had a passion for technology ever since I was young, specifically computers. I have been upgrading and self-troubleshooting my own computers ever since I was eleven or twelve years old, spending tons of money on computer parts. It was not until last October that I finally decided to build an entire computer as I had enough money that I made from my summer job. Despite this, I guess my father has not really taken notice of my computer skills even though this has been going on for a long time. I told my parents that I want to become a computer engineer, but like the way they are, they told me that a lot of people are getting laid off and that it will be hard to find a job. They want me to become a doctor, telling me it is a respectable job that makes lots of money. I responded by telling them that I have absolutely no interest in being a doctor and that my place is technology. I find it funny that so many Asian parents want their kids to grow up to be doctors. Do they not realize that there are many other respectable and well paying jobs, like scientists, engineers, etc?

You should become president.  

[Tom62]

There is nothing much for me to add. Once upon a time    when I was young,  I had a crush on Asian girls. My french colleague and friend had a Vietnamese girlfriend, who was so cute and sweet. Then I met this wonderful dark chocolate colored lady in Paris, she was so nice, friendly and beautiful. I still regret that  didn't got to know her better. And in the end I fell in love with a lovely German women, to whom I'm still married.