Weirdest Mail I Ever Received - A Photo Adventure

[SteveS]

Hey there folks - I know I haven't been active on the board for "many moons" - apologies - but the other day I found some mail I thought I had thrown out but actually had saved.  This happened while cleaning my home office/den (an endeavor I highly recommend --- I found all sorts of interesting & "missing" stuff --- please don't ask what else I found, I know my rights and I'm takin' the fifth).  When I realized this little gem was still in my possession I had to come back to the board and share.

Okay, so imagine going through your mail, and finding the following sort of weird envelope:


Notice the seemingly random parts that are underlined?  Why?  Any particular reason?  Stick with me and you'll see that this becomes a recurrent theme throughout the bizarreness that keeps getting worse as we peel the layers of this onion.

Inside, I find a return envelope:


So, I'm thinking, "WTF - they want me to mail something back to them?".  Oh yes - the address is "Prayer by Letters".  Apparently, I can mail them prayers.  I'm not that disturbed yet, this just seems like some religious promotion thing, but I'm intrigued by the random font changes on this envelope.  What the hell?  The "THIS IS THE NEXT" is big block letters, "MORNING" is outlined/shadow font (or whatever you call it), and the others look like some cheesy handwriting font.  And, what the hell does "This is the next morning" mean anyway?  Why would they put that on the letter?

This thing was starting to stink of bat-shit crazy, so I eagerly pulled out the next sheet.
Front side:


Back side:


So, now we're into the meat of this.  Notice the handy check-list on the back side: just put a mark next to everything you want.  Why not check them all?  I should have stopped right here, but I didn't.  Why, gentle readers?  Primarily two reasons:

1) The weird underlining, bolding, font-switching continues throughout.  It gives a sort of burning insanity to the presentation.  What, do you suppose, was the intended effect of crafting the letter in this style?  Or are they just emulating the weird way some words seem randomly italicized in the bible for no apparent reason?  Seriously, ever notice that?  It doesn't seem to make any sense or add to the meaning or anything.  Anybody know of a reason for that?

2) The big one: all these references to an enclosed "Faith Church Prayer Rug".  I felt powerless to resist my curiosity.....

Eagerly, I pulled the next page, hoping it would be the mysterious "Prayer Rug":
Front side:


Back side:


Just more hype.  Good old fashioned religious testimony, including such keywords as "HEALED".  Pumping up the still undisclosed Prayer Rug, building anticipation.  Side note, this particular page had the same qualities of the school handouts and "newsletters" I used to get in 3rd grade.  Is this the mentality they were aiming this thing at?

Knowing the much-vaunted and fabled "Prayer Rug" must be close at hand, I reached into the envelope and extracted the next page .....
[spoiler:2xfrzekr]
Eureka!
Awesome! Jackpot!  Paydirt!  It was all worth it.  This thing is ..... incredible!  The weirdest, most bizarre, most insane, most disturbingly awful thing I have ever received by mail!!!!

Honestly, how creepy is this glimpse into the abyss?  The colors, the styling, and the instructions:

Look into Jesus' Eyes you will see they are closed.  But as you continue to look you will see His eyes opening and looking back into your eyes.  Then go and be alone and kneel on this Rug of Faith or touch it to both knees.  Then please check your needs on our letter to you.  Please return this Prayer Rug.  Do not keep it.

I'm supposed to believe because of some two-bit optical effect printed on a piece of paper?!?  Laugh out loud with me:      

[gwyn428]

Wow, it's a fucking printed optical effect on a fucking piece of fucking paper! That's not even a prayer rug!

   

Those assholes should of sent you a bottle of olive oil and a small packet of wheat seeds as well.. it'll increase the great power of amazing prayer trifold!

[Ihateyoumike]

So - what do you think? I've violated every commandment of the letter. I kept it and didn't return anything. The vengeance of the Lord will already surely visit me. Should I break the seal? Dare I make it worse? Dare I see the secret words from the Lord regarding my future?

I await your advice......

Absolutely you should make it worse. For some reason, I am actually intrigued by this little story and cannot be left with such a cliffhanger ending. :crazy:

[SSY]

The checklist asking what you want to pray for is very sinister IMHO. It seems like they are trying to find out your needs in order to prey on you prayers ( see what I did there? That pun must have been divinely inspired )

Also, I vote you open the prophecy, but send back all the other shit as well just so we can see what happens, this is a wonderful opportunity for me to live my life vicariously through someone else.

[Msblue]

I read about this a few months ago here. http://friendlyatheist.com/2008/05/26/devotion-vs-deceit/
I guess they're still scamming.  I'm curious about your prophecy too.

[SallyMutant]

High Weirdness by Mail. Praise Bob!

[curiosityandthecat]

You'd better return that thing! You know what's next if you don't...

Fire and brimstone coming down from the skies! Rivers and seas boiling! Forty years of darkness! Earthquakes, volcanoes... the dead rising from the grave! Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together... mass hysteria!

On the other hand, it could just be a stylized Christ done by a church parishioner with "some art talent" and not mean fuck all. Seriously, I've seen a crown of thorns, but that looks like a helmet!

It's more of a prayer poster than a rug, really. Seems fishy to me...  :evil:

[Cemetery]

But if you keep the prayer rug, how will I get a chance to use it so's I kin be HEEEELED???  

~C

[VanReal]

Please show us your prophecy, my curiosity is really causing some anxiety over here............

[Ihateyoumike]

Please show us your prophecy, my curiosity is really causing some anxiety over here............ :pop:

[SteveS]

Fear not - SteveS Lives!  No lightning strikes yet.

Since the overwhelming consensus is to open the prophecy, I went for it.  Honestly, I was going to open it anyway.  

Thanks for reading, if I get any more weird mail I will promise to share.

[SSY]

Background reading for the interested

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/St._Matthew's_Churches

Looks like they ask for money before they let your prayers be answered.

[seasonsofmadness]

Yeah my parents get those a lot. Just another scam stupid people fall for...

[GodlessInND]

I've received mail like this, too, though nothing so elaborate and crazy!  I like to waste their money by using the postage-paid return envelope to send them atheist tracts.  Or, a simple "There is no god.  Have a nice day" with a big smiley face usually satisfies me.

[McQ]

Very weird and very interesting, Steve. Maybe there is a god and you've pissed him off!