Relationship troubles

[Sophus]

McQ is right. Kylyssa is right. Sophus is right. Will is right.

We need to add to that list. Curio is right. Know thyself.

Not to offend you mDarkPoet but the problem is that most people don't know what love is and they mistake ir for being in a symbiotic attachment with someone. Immature love says I love you because I need you. Mature love says I need you because I love you.

[McQ]

McQ is right. Kylyssa is right. Sophus is right. Will is right.

We need to add to that list. Curio is right. Know thyself.

Not to offend you mDarkPoet but the problem is that most people don't know what love is and they mistake ir for being in a symbiotic attachment with someone. Immature love says I love you because I need you. Mature love says I need you because I love you.

Well, now I think Sophus is right!

Actually, I do really like what you said here. I really like it. I never thought about it in such simple, but strong words. Very nice!

[BadPoison]

Sophus should write "i love you" cards for Hallmark.

[Wechtlein Uns]

From what I'm reading you type, you're in no position to be in a romantic relationship, missy. This guy is probably itching for a way out, and I don't blame him. You need to not be insecure. Insecurity will doom any relationship. Believe me.

[Sophus]

Ha ha. Awe shucks guys.    Actually, Sophus has read a lot of psychology books and I think that was one of the ideas in smoething I read (or close enough to it anyways). Can't remember what though....

[dobbo996]

Hang on. 'A discussion'. 'Logged off'. You mean you were emailing each other? Wouldn't it be wise to talk, face-to-face?

[Ihateyoumike]

I would work on the self esteem issue first. The annoying cliché you have to love yourself first, regrettably, is true. If you don't you'll most likely worry too much about if another loves you. Worry leads to fear. Fear leads to actions you normally wouldn't do.

This rings so true. I too have battled with low self-esteem, and I have held on so tight to the few girls I've "fallen in love" with in my lifetime that I've smothered them. It's not easy to hear that from someone you love. Fear of losing a person is not healthy for a relationship. As Sophus stated, it will lead to actions you normally wouldn't do. It will also lead to jealousy, which is also unhealthy in a relationship. And take it from me, members of both sexes can sabotage the relationships they're in from low self-esteem and fear of losing their love.

As for me, I've been single for over a year now since my last girlfriend broke up with me saying that I was smothering her and she needed to be alone. I couldn't understand that at the time, because I was blinded by my love for her, but now I respect where she was coming from. And, looking back on it, I was too afraid of losing her. But more than that, I was afraid of being alone because of my low self-esteem. I have not actively searched for another girlfriend since because of the fact that I'm working on making sure I'm happy with who I am first. It's much easier said than done, and I'm still scared as hell that I'll end up alone as an old guy, but I'm realizing that even at 26 years old I still have plenty of time to find that one person.

I'm not saying that is the answer for your situation, but maybe it's something else to think about. I'm impressed with the good advice that everyone has given you here so far, and I suggest you take it to heart, and really look inwards for the answer to your problem.

And to end this, I'll leave you with a line from a song that really helped me get past my hurt of being broken-up with. It's from one of my favorite groups called Blue October, and it's from a song called (appropriately enough) The Answer:

And thats where I want to state this claim
That I've got to learn to live and dream
Before I go and get myself in love